What better time then to measure the remnants, reel off the rejects, and fawn over who we think Gibbo should be cutting summer transfer checks to?

Strachan’s Spine

Barry Robson – a man by which all others should be measured

Scott McDonald – gratefully, for us anyway, cut loose from Aussie national team before World Cup 2010…he can get fit w/ us and do the business next season

Steve McManus – still on loan from Celtic, Mick cancelled his New York holiday w/ the missus to join boot camp…everyone knows we want him permanently

Faithful Men

Chris Killen - a valuable target man…leading the Kiwi line in SA

Willo Flood – Vic says he looks like a product of an Irn Bru and crisps diet…we say a buzzing badass who can badger and harass the opposition

Emanuel Pogatetz – not under contract, but Gordo loves his leadership…he’ll have to take a massive pay cut to stay though

Brad Jones – can he shake the laughingstock label? probably not – some folks will never come around, but he did turn in some commanding performances after the recall…

Danny Coyne - didn’t really do anything wrong…was solid virtually every time called upon…scapegoated for the Derby display…still a competent deputy

Get To Know Them Better

Tony McMahon - foot injury torpedoed his audition for the new gaffer…surely he’ll love Macca’s grit the same way most supporters do?

Matthew Bates – fragility will be his undoing…decent player, and versatile…sadly he’s flimsier than the slinky top Lindsay Lohan donned in her recent court appearance

Seb Hines – is it just us, or has he played pretty well whenever called upon in the last three-plus years? he’s a tad dainty though too…

Testicles Are Descending

Jonathan Franks – love his pace…really developing as an exciting, attacking winger

Luke Williams – tremendous potential…we’ve said it before: everyone is pulling for this kid

Rhys Williams – a stalwart by comparison, being the first choice right back for Oz and all…really tidy in our midfield

Andy Halliday – a coup of sorts – we beat off some serious Prem competition for the lad…here’s hoping the assembly line of Livi talent continues

We’d Love To, But…

David Wheater – the rampant interest in Craig Dawson leads many to speculate Wheats can be had…it’s evolving into another Cattermole situation; get the lad away from the pressures of playing for his local pro club? hopefully not…unless we could trouser £5-6m for him

Gary O’Neil - free from the escalator clause shackles – we say he’s really available…like  that friend of your missus in from out of town, looking for a great guy because she has a schedule and everything…and sex on a first date happens sometimes….

Leroy Lita – don’t forget your top…

Justin Hoyte – duped by Voyeur again!

Jonathan Grounds – young…English…young…that’s about it

Julio Arca – you had a great run in the north-east of England mate…now go on back to Velez Sarsfield or something

Andrew Taylor – he has non-football ventures…good for him

Didier Digard – we like him…he is a bit of a pussy though

Joe Bennett – despite all the promise and ability, his auditions in both the left back and left midfield berths were largely woeful…how many more chances has he got?

Josh Walker – comments after a decent performance against Peterborough at home were painfully succinct: he doubts he has a future here

Not Gordo’s Type

Jeremie Aliadiere – more fragile than the Greek economy, just what is it he excels at? falling over and dreadful decision making top our list…

Chris Riggott – committed professional, until asked to take a pay cut…one of the last links to Eindhoven…

Marvin Emnes – 12 years into our Pro Evo franchise – working on a 4th straight league title thank you very much – and he’s still banging them in for Sparta Rotterdam…his form on the upcoming Bundesliga Zwei themed soccer sim should be scintillating

The Riddle Wrapped In A Mystery Flaky Pastry Crust, Drenched In Enigma

Ahmed Hossam Hussein Abdelhamid…Mido – rumour has it he’ll come back if no better offers are unearthed…we can’t see it…we can see McAllister and Pendrey park-benching him in training and Gordo raining blows on the husky malcontent…

Objects Of Affection

Craig Dawson – player of the season in League Two after helping Rochdale to their first promotion in aeons…initial offer of £750k knocked back

Garry Kenneth – Dundee Utd defensive midfielder that new boss Peter Houston is determined to hold on to…or at least force us to pay inflated fees

Craig Conway – the sexier of the Dundee Utd duo…25 year old winger who can add much needed depth and experience in MF…

Gary Hooper – Scunthorpe goal ace is still being tracked by several clubs…maybe just one more season of copious goals at this level though to be entirely certain he’s the real thing

Kevin Thomson – Rangers hard man – not very attack-minded: 4 goals in 151 league appearances…thank you Walter Smith for rejecting our recent overtures

Go On, Give ‘Em A Bell

Robert Koren - knows what it takes to get out of this league (and sadly how to get relegated straight back)…captain of Slovenia, classy midfielder…we’d have at least texted him already

Daniel Bogdanovic – Maltese goal falcon…14 goals for Barnsley this past season…ideal cover for Mac, don’t you think?

Liam Lawrence – a stretch for sure, especially after a bright display in the Ireland/Paraguay friendly earlier this week…thoughts of a Robbo/Lawro midfield already give us tingles in our trousers…probably won’t happen though….Mick McCarthy is slicking his hair and straightening his tie in advance to woo the lad…

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1. He’s On The Phone – Boro Boss Ratcheting Up For January Makeover
2. Stay Hungry – Still Plenty For Boro To Do
3. Crystal Palace Notes

West Bromwich Albion – it’s their bi-yearly migration north…can they solve the riddle of consolidation? Roberto di Matteo goes from League One to the Prem in a meteoric two years…

Nottingham Forest – rode an amazing wave of form to control 3rd spot…tight, organised, fitter, and more up for it than most of the opposition…Billy Davies gets teams promoted…maintaining that status? not so much…

Cardiff City – overcame the usual late season bottle job, and
administration bother…bags of goals…they’d be entertaining if
promoted…

Leicester City – improbable cohesion – Nigel Pearson should be investigated for human cloning violations – a steely and determined side, crafted in the mould of the former Boro man
Blackpool – Ian Holloway has a little dance…the form side who slid into the playoffs – those types have a history of running the playoff gauntlet – Pool haven’t been in 1st division since ‘71

Swansea – there’s your Welsh bottle job – top 6 stalwarts for most of the season were doomed by lack of goal punch – will Sousa stay?

Sheffield United – promising finish, though they rarely were serious
promotion contenders…welcome back Paddy Kenny!

Reading – major turnaround under Brian McDermott – strong cup run buoyed league form

Bristol City – seemingly couldn’t lose under Keith Millen – Nicky
Maynard bagged a quiet 20 goals, especially the cracker v Pool that nearly spoiled their party

Boro – more later

Doncaster Rovers – free flowing footie under Sean O’Driscoll was frequently pleasing to the eye…can’t complain over top half finish

Queens Park Rangers – survived the standard managerial merry-go-round – Warnock says they’ll have to be reckoned w/ next term as they mount a serious promotion push

Derby County – better from young Nigel – will continue to build and ideally push for a top 10 finish

Ispwich Town – disappointing…after Roy Keane got the job late last season they responded strongly…horrific start to campaign was insurmountable

Watford – decent football at times, though their stars were all loan players – Tom Cleverley was outstanding…

Preston North End – little Ferg has them more organised…can he work some of the old Posh promotion magic?

Barnsley – Mark Robins was a great appointment – never an easy game – he’ll get more time to change the culture

Coventry City – briefly flirted w/ playoffs for a spell, even after selling Leon Best

Scunthorpe United – tremendous achievement to stay up given their paucity of resources…will look to cash in on the popular goalhawk Gary Hooper

Crystal Palace – promotion attempts railroaded by administration…did just enough under Paul Hart to avoid possible extinction

Sheffield Wednesday – despair at final day relegation – American
investment and sound stewardship of Alan Irvine should see a quick return to the Championship

Plymouth Argyle – the affable Paul Mariner instilled a courageous
spirit after the sacking of Paul Sturrock…sadly they couldn’t ride
it out the basement

Peterborough United – out of their depth, and the resulting
instability – sacking Ferguson and Cooper – was too big a
specter…revived under Jim Gannon for a spell…now Gary Johnson is the man to architect a new push back up

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The virtual atmosphere was so casual we actually considered toggling something else, instead of the alt-tabbing between the live blog, BBC, the Saturday clockwatch, and West Ham/Wigan en espanol. We saved it for long afterwards, fearing the dulling, desensitising effect it would have on our orgasmic joy.

Some Boro bullets in lieu of regular match notes – memo to minuscule regional internet radio operation: a large percentage of your listenership is down to Boro supporters outside the local catchment area – broadcast the fucking matches instead of your foul brand of benign Europop, even if it’s a dead rubber…

• So Gary O’Neil is alarmed by the gulf in class – nothing perceived about it – between Boro and the top two in the Championship, West Bromwich Albion and Newcastle. Failure to get points off either – in relegation and promotion battles alike – might be the perfect illustration. Two points. Out of twenty-four. Versus WBA: 0 wins – 0 draws – 4 losses / 11 goals conceded / 0 goals scored. And Newcastle: 0 wins – 2 draws – 2 losses / 7 goals conceded / 3 goals scored. What else is there to say Gary?

• Lamb on the run! Middlesbrough’s chief executive took to his imaginary throne in the BBC Radio Tees studio. Here his spin, in every convoluted sense of the word:

1. The it’s-never-too-early-to-get-promoted notion? Against it -
2. We’ll be the best resourced club next season – he backs off a bit later – one of the top-resourced clubs…ahem
3. So revisionist – he attempts to berate a caller illustrating how the region has soured under his recent stewardship. Cup runs, European finals, top half finishes, football under Bryan Robson, the big spending era currently dooming the club to financial prudence…yes, all his doing…and the town was happy
4. ‘Define the word sanction’ – used to describe his role in the Alves episode. This particular chap merely wanted to know the power structure for such a critically bad transaction – all he got was the bombast of a well-educated, strangely confident trapped rodent.

• Luke Williams will be a man. The Teesville tyro is getting his advanced footballing ‘birds and bees’ under Gordo and the rest of the senior team. Some good touches and the seeds of intelligent runs displayed in the first 45 mins of his starting first team bow. This kid might be bigger than the parmo, and virtually everyone is pulling for him.

• The highlight of the season? Fantastic supporters – anchored by this lot

• We know no off-season – reviews of pre-season prognostications, dissecting this season like the cheap biology lab frog it was, deep stretching for WC 2010 S Africa, and so much more of the decent effort tinged w/ haphazard finishing this space has become…

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Billy Davies couldn’t have been serious? A matter of time before you scored? Really? The dereliction of duty committed by Leroy Lita for not playing to the whistle was really the only accelerant for a super-charged move that resulted in the goal. Sure, Radoslaw Majewski clipped the bar w/ a delightful free kick…and Robert Earnshaw was certainly menacing at times, however we did enjoy long spells of the ball. Unfortunately we created fuck all w/ it. Nothing clear cut despite some late desperation salvos from Pogi/Stephen McManus/Leroy Lita – all finding either a crude clearance or the safety of Forest keeper Lee Camp.

 We took a visit to the local ‘exotic dance’ club for a slice of good fortune. All the good it got us was waking up surprisingly not hung over from the strawberry margaritas – the secret ingredient is extra tequila – for a virtual rendezvous w/ BBC Radio Tees…portable parmo aficionado Ali Brownlee and Gary Gill instead of she’s-a-struggling-student-and-a-good-kid Kayla from Riverside County…balls!

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus , Pogatetz; Flood, O’Neil, Robson, Arca; Aliadiere, McDonald

• Still no Killen, so why is Lee Miller – ineffectual as he may be – on the bench?
• GON toughing it out…Pogi too after a late fitness test
• Majestic Majewski forces Danny Coyne to full stretch! Superb free kick may have gotten a slight touch, but it clips the crossbar and out for goal kick
• Boro respond w/ prolonged pressure – Arca shoots artfully from 20 yards – corner – pinged around the box…plenty of good touches…Forest agitated for sure
• Aliadiere getting into good positions, but Gary Gill sums it up expertly: you never feel he’s going to score
• Boro seeking first win @ City Ground since 1999
• Steve Agnew – remarkably still employed – predicted to Ali earlier this week that the team will be rewarded for their hard work and dedication on set pieces in recent training
• Good reasons for Gordo to be pleased – organized, assertive, attacking – but he’s not…we edged the half and really deserved something – HT Forest 0-0 Boro
• Penetrative reporting from Mark Drury: the gaffer really lost his rag at the end of the half – the final free kick was shambolic in every aspect – Forest have reinforcement options if needed…subs are warming up at the beginning of the break
• 2^nd half – Forest unbeaten at home since 19 Sep 09 to Pool 0-1
• Tame first 15 minutes – Chris Gunter has the first real crack in the 61^st minute – not too troubling – goal kick
• GG: a good challenge or two is just as effective as a goal in getting the crowd energized
• Forest get their goal – Lita stopped playing, the home side broke free – Majewski squares it – Chris Cohen meets it to sweep into the net – Forest 1-0 Boro – 72 min
• Robust ovation for Robert Earnshaw – off for David McGoldrick
• Leroy Lita attempts to atone w/ a venomous shot from absolutely nowhere! Tipped out by Camp
• Crazy final 10 mins – flurry of activity from Boro…corner after corner…Pogi smashed a goalbound effort that was saved…Forest break…McKenna we think sprinting into the box and down…no pen!
• Real frenetic stuff – Forest deploy their ‘absolute beast’… Dele Adebola
• 4 mins added – most of it uneventful – final 45 secs sees Danny Coyne come forward for a shit corner from GON – the subsequent free kick too – Leroy again…rolls his marker…wicked shot…effing saved by Camp’s knees…it’s later speculated that had he gone down amidst the robust challenge from Wes Morgan he could have maybe earned a penalty…
• FT Forest 1-0 Boro – one switch off…no clear cut chances…a lack of professionalism…
• GG MOM – Wheats

QPR bring their sideshow north Saturday – Warnock has a mate who might have booked a room already…

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Gary O’Neil is a man. He’s a fucking badass. Forgoing a debilitating groin niggle, the Boro skipper is to marshal the charge into the City Ground to face still-in-form Forest, a club still flying in the top reaches of the Championship despite a poor run of recent form.  Boro crashed out of the Carling Cup there earlier – a gritty 2-1 affair decided in the final moments – and settled for a generous draw at the Riverside in the corresponding league fixture.  Faint hopes of the play-offs flicker, though expectations for another season of this…the 5^th most competitive in Europe…are keenly resigned to. Anything more is a bonus. Success hinges on a goal run being established by the custom picked strike force – Scott McDonald, Chris Killen, and Lee Miller – the lanky Kiwi the only one to register so far. Mac’s failed penalty on Tuesday is destined for folklore pertaining to this lost season.

Gordon Strachan is expected to have a nearly full compliment to choose from…expect Killen upfront w/ McDonald, a more traditional 4-4-2…shift Robson to the left, Flood inside w/ GON, Naughton or Hoyte on the right flank…

Ruminations for sure – we’ll be up early for Ali/GG and their live representation to draw our own laboured conclusions. The paucity of blog fodder will continue to be fomented by social networking content…heads up for some peppermint tea and fags comments and ratings…

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3. Show Of Strength – Boro Valiant Against League Leaders

Overwhelmingly it’s clear that Gordon Strachan was a tad off on his assessment of the outfit he was handed down, and Steve Gibson/Keith Lamb may have been negligent in not acknowledging any readiness factor – simply put: can this guy win with what we have here, and if not, how much cash/time will it take to make changes? The answers remain nebulous, but the provident spend on the new bunch, coupled with certainty of existing squad members being sold infer a true direction.

Eric Paylor thinks the embryo is healthy and positive…

AV is keen to impress that this is our new level – everyone is for sale, and we sink into the more defined position of a feeder for bigger clubs, only able to exploit smaller, more vulnerable ones…

Change can be fun and exciting – the only attitude really as middlesbroughfcblog.com enters into a ground share w/ a non-footballing entity – Welcome to Steele Indian Park!

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With midseason transfer business usually dragging until the end of the term, the club endeavour to continue vetting targets. Lately we’ve heard Leon Best from Coventry – scorer of a wonder goal v Pompey in their FA Cup replay earlier this week – and Wes Hoolahan of Norwich, an assiduous winger, ideal as a replacement for Adam Johnson should he naff off to Sunderland or Everton. Throw in a spot of QPR’s Wayne Routledge and you have enough chum to hold the baying mob, temporarily at least. Though descriptions of old Wayne as a ‘combo midfielder who can play upfront’ invoke inherent hatred derived from similar failed experiments – see exhibits Aliadiere, Emnes, and/or Tuncay.

Collectively, it’s enough to stimulate hope. There’s a distinct outline in the new vision – more spine, steel, focus, and discipline – less faffing about w/ pretty passing and precision movement, because we simply haven’t the resources or personnel to implement it. And Gordon Strachan keeps getting managerial work not just for his acerbic wit, but because his austere system that emphasises grinding and plodding and fighting really does work.

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The wicked winter weather gripping all of Britain has eradicated large parts of the footie schedule, and Swansea’s long trip to Teesside was a natural candidate for eventual postponement. 6 matches so far in the Championship called off, with similar numbers affecting the rest of the domestic leagues and cup competitions. Pitch/ground conditions haven’t been the concern – it’s the safety of supporters to and from the venue that are of paramount concern. The conduit to the Bundesliga that is Raphael Honigstein raised an entirely valid point regarding the exceptionally cautious approach clubs are taking in these economically sensitive times. Many are so precarious that even one solitary accident suffered by someone attending their matches could have devastating financial impact – surely Boro and Steve Gibson aren’t immune either.

Time is the most valuable commodity – it allows for an opportunity to settle the new additions, and scheme for more. Expect a renovated side at Bramall Lane next Saturday when Boro travel to Sheffield United, right there in the deep mire of the table jostling for a foothold up towards the playoff promised land…can we stay in that fight?

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Boro have another crisis to negotiate while preparing for the holiday programme, this of a defensive nature. Sean St Ledger is back with Preston, unofficially, on gardening leave until his loan deal becomes permanent come January. Speculation abounds though as to the status of that deal – recent reports highlight an alleged row between defender and gaffer that has the full Ireland international defender cogitating over the impending permanence of his move. Virtual trudging has helped deduce that said row may have been blown out of proportion and that Gordo has designs on converting SSL to right back in the coming new year to help re-shape the squad. Additionally Seb Hines, who was pretty efficient in performing a partnership w/ David Wheater prior to acquiring SSL, suffered gruesome knee damage on reserve duty in the midweek and is out for up to 8 weeks. Expect Emanuel Pogatetz to occupy the central defence w/ Wheats and the recall of Andrew Taylor at left back. The caterwauling for Joe Bennett and/or Jonathan Grounds remains neglected.

Elsewhere in the projected squad: Gary O’Neil has been declared fit to retain the captaincy and return to his role in the Boro engine room; Adam Johnson is out after injury v Cardiff, so Mark Yeates, on a run of 3 consecutive excellent shifts, will marshal the left flank; Julio Arca may feature on the right side – not because he’s really excelled mind, it’s just the paucity of attacking options; and the Kitson/Lita reunion tour is about to reach its climax, so how about one last duet in the intimate surroundings of St. James’ Park?

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We’ll bin those hasty (and frankly questionable) storylines and proffer up what should’ve been produced earlier this week – rinsed and polished from the grime and misery induced by another chapfallen performance – something that might make a decent memoir title someday…

Notes from Cardiff:

alarm clock malfeasance meant we missed the first 30 mins – 6.15a is entirely too early for a Sunday morning – gonna have a Wenger-style bitch at the fixture organizers ourselves if this keeps up

• Rhys Williams back in the midfield – borne from necessity since GON is out after injury v Blackpool
• Mark Yeates remains top – stunning free kick in the 38^th minute that was destined for goal – palmed away by David McGregor
• Pogi has been pretty solid at LB since his recall – GS may have initially forced his maturity and composure back into the side, but he’s settled well
• Apart form the bollocking he’s getting from Chris Burke
• Drop Brad Jones now – the compromising pics he has of Gaz et al can’t harm us anymore
• Chance to level it up shortly after the goal – Wheater and LL efforts cleared off the Cardiff line – St Ledger in the scrum too
• 68 mins – Johnno off w/ a hamstring injury – Emnes put on the right wing – Yeates back to the left
• Gary Gill continues to implore it – who is going to grab this game by the scruff of the neck? He’s not being churlish!
• Best chance of the 2^nd half: Marcus Bent pokes a ball into the clear for LL – he can’t shape his shot properly and it skitters wide
• Another balls-up from Jones – failed clearance meant he races 10 yards outside of the box to clear away from a lurking Michael Chopra
• Get Bent? Marcus Bent shown little respect – dragged down twice in the 2^nd half and it’s been play on both times
• Anthony Gerrard should’ve been sent off – dangerous elbow-first challenge late on from the Scouser while on a yellow
• Gary Gill MOM – Mark Yeates – almost by default
• No post match Boro Hour cements the fact that the good folks who bring us live commentary aren’t sadists

Tyne-Tees derby preview is nigh – 2 wins in the last 20 years at their place – Gordo’s track record hasn’t been magnanimous either

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