Leroy Lita: for reasons still unknown, newly promoted Swansea want an ex-Boro powered strike force to see them through…an original offer of £500,000 was beat back recently, and rightly so…Lethal has thrived under Mogga…and QPR were gonna pay at least three times that amount back in January…fuck off Huw

Marvin Emnes: one landmark goal in a South Wales derby and we’ll never hear the fucking end of it…Brendan Rodgers really fancies our dreadlocked Dutchie, who should have never went on loan there in the first place…it would take a remarkable offer to let him leave…something close to the £3.2m we forked over to Rotterdam

Andrew Taylor: the veracity of this one is in question…it’s only been resurrected cos Malky Mackay got the Cardiff job, and ostensibly would have more dosh to fill his Tayls-shaped ambition, but aren’t Cardiff a financial mess? it’s no matter, Mogga loves the lad and really wants him to sign a new deal before 30 June 11

Julio Arca: it was an anti-climactic exit for the Argie…he hobbled off to his homeland for a knee procedure before the close of the season…his Supporter’s Player of the Year award was accepted remotely, and there’s certain resignation that he’s determined to find a last deserved payday…as long as it’s not at Wigan

Rhys Williams: casual rumours at the surface, nothing more…there’s the longstanding interest from Owen Coyle…the wild machinations that Arsenal is in for him, willing to come north for a money-spinning friendly as part of any deal…any offer would have to be gobsmacking, with sufficient sell on clauses and escalators

Matthew Bates: I think this was the product of Paylor playing with his meds…there is no evidence of any such activity in this virus ridden receptacle of news and links…plus, who wants a permacrocked is-he-a-defender-or-midfielder insurance liability?

Scott McDonald: it’s fairly surprising there hasn’t been more – hell, any – interest in the diminutive down under striker…14 goals in 36 appearances in all competitions is positively prolific given Boro’s lack of reliable scorers the past few seasons…it’s the prohibitive wages that outstrip his commendable work rate and exceptional technique

Kris Boyd: the cinderblock hanging round our neck…his departure could fund several financially responsible additions, but the only real suitor is a club who now got rid of the gaffer who pushed to make a move for him in the first fucking place…hot European gaffer import Steve McLaren could resort to him as a permanent replacement for Dele Adebola or Robert Earnshaw…but could we bear sending him someplace where his inevitable goals could adversely affect our own objective of finally earning promotion? if only someone could persuade him that these endless offers from Turkey actually include delicious, savoury turkey…

Boro employ a fluid 4-4-2: Steele, McMahon, Hines, Bates, Bennett, Bailey, Arca, Taylor, Emnes, Lita, Boyd – Subs: Ripley, Haas, Grounds, Smallwood, Park, McDonald, Franks

11 academy players in the squad, rendering it easier to name the foreigners: Bailey, Arca, Haas, McDonald, Lita, Boyd, Emnes

Maximilian Haas has been allocated squad number 3

Having a listen to Mogga’s pre-match with Ali. He describes Richie Smallwood as a pragmatic footballer. Perhaps the best bit of January business was inking the young talent to new long term deals – Smallwood, Joe Bennett, and Seb Hines are in on the ground level of this renaissance

1^st half

• Extremely low crowd in this unfashionable midweek fixture – only two coaches full of Scunny support, and they’re only about 90 minutes away

• Ref: Rob Lewis (Shrewsbury) – this is his Championship bow. Does this mean we can harshly scrutinise his performance and infer he doesn’t know the laws of the game?

• Early clanger for Matthew Bates – after some panic it’s determined he just needs some tissues stuffed up his nostrils

• Kris Boyd, still around after a series of transfer dominoes failed to fall fortuitously, makes an early mark in the match, just like at Glanford Park – an easy ball over the top from Seb Hines leads to a decent finish past a hapless defence…7 mins in and Boro lead 1-0

• Boro lead the recent series 9W 4D 4L – Scunny haven’t won on Teesside since November 1961

• Woeful defending on display by the visitors. Keeper Joe Murphy remains out with an ankle injury, so Josh Lillis – himself the lad of former Iron player and assistant manager Mark Lillis – is tasked with organising this ragtag bunch

• Mogga looks for a spark and a bit of conviction – Taylor and Emnes are ordered to switch their roles on the flanks to make something, anything, productive happen

• Feliz Cumpleanos (tardio!) Julio Arca, who turned 30 yesterday

• Average so far – limited cohesion and concentration – fortunate to be ahead

• Come on and take these corners/free kicks short…be crafty Mogga

• Scunthorpe: 6 away wins this term, which is a smashing return. It’s their home form that’s abandoned them and consigned them to the relegation zone

HT Boro 1-0 Scunthorpe

Much better end to the first stanza, marked by more chances, improved passing, and better attacking intent. The forwards need to ‘liven up’, and they are not the only ones to draw a scornful eye from the Boro technical area.

2^nd half

• It’s the first shot across the bow this half – Julio Arca goes very close with an expert free kick, past a rooted Josh Lillis – great work Tony McMahon to earn the attacking opportunity

• Following the script: Ahead by a slim margin. Dominating the second half. Now what – kill the fucking game like a group of professionals, or bottle it?

• The bench asks it too – where’s the second goal? McMahon and Bennett are the only reliable attacking outlets

• Attendance -14364 (265 Scunny)

• Penna awarded! Then 6 Scunthorpe players mob the referee and force a consultation with the linesman who overturns it. Leroy Lita goes in the book for being ‘over-theatrical’

• Tony McMahon blows kisses to the crowd! It’s a killer free kick that takes a solitary hop on its way in, and Boro have some breathing room…this can be a propelling result

• Abdisalam Ibrahim is sent off – he accrues two harsh bookings to prompt an alacritous red card from the rookie ref

• Last time Scunthorpe came to the Riverside they finished w/ 10 men, harshly (Cliff Byrne the offender), and Leroy Lita was sent off for ‘petulance’ after decking an opponent…LL is on a yellow currently after the reversed penalty decision

• Scunthorpe enduring a wretched run – 1 win in their last 11 league matches

• Cameron Park receives another late cameo – it’s a home debut this time round

• 5 mins added

• Julio Arca pulls rank on the youngsters as he commands the free kick he earned – his effort is top notch, just missing the crossbar in a quest for the third goal

GG MOM – Tony McMahon

FT Boro 2-0 Scunthorpe

Nicky Bailey was excellent again – this is nine or ten matches on the spin where he’s been a masterful technician. The full backs were outstanding, often providing the best attacking options. There’s no underestimating how psychologically important the clean sheet is when factoring recent, and historical, transgressions. In the end it’s a satisfying result.

Tunnel reaction with Tony Mowbray: two goal advantage takes the sting out of the opposition – in the end it was relatively comfortable – disappointed at half time…played poorly for the first time in a long time, couldn’t string together passes and execute moves – have to continue believing in Kris Boyd to help him score goals – no matter who claims the second goal; the win is the only thing – Tony Macca was ’exceptionally good’ – the result is all the more important given the future visits of Swansea and QPR

Tony McMahon tells his mates ‘I’ll ring you back’ so he can chat about the match: the goal was his, full stop – Leroy Lita continued the stick after the final whistle, adamant that he got the slightest of touches on the wondrous free kick – gaffer constantly encourages the full backs to press forward

Final thoughts from Seb Hines: really good performance in the second half – trying to take the opportunity he waited so long for, even with an imported centre back now lurking over his shoulder – the underlying aim is to win; send a statement to every club in the division

4 changes for Boro: Steele, Hoyte, Wheater, Bates, Bennett, Robson, Bailey,

GON, Taylor, Boyd, Lita – Subs: Coyne, Hines, McMahon, Arca, Park, Kink, Emnes

1^st half

• Leroy Lita: 6 matches as an opponent at Ashton Gate – 0 goals and his visiting sides are winless

• Mogga continues to toe the diplomatic line re: Mido – still a very complicated situation with no quick resolution on the horizon

• Referee: Darren Drysdale (Lincolnshire) – his day job? Sergeant in the RAF

• Bristol City looking for their first league double over Boro

• Barry Robson and Andrew Taylor sit on 4 yellow cards – 1 booking away from suspension

• 15 mins and the match lacks a decided shape and pattern – great start from GON – Robbo/Bailey pairing well in the engine room
• Boro: only 3 away clean sheets in the last 16 months – Leicester, Scunthorpe, and…Plymouth last Easter

• Attack Kalifa Cisse – looks short on confidence – poor overall by the hosts -  Brett Pitman also appearing woeful

• Taylor/Bennett bracketing Albert Adomah effectively on the wing, preventing Cole Skuse from getting the livewire involved

• Steven Caulker, on loan from Spurs – highly rated – a big, physical, skillful centre back

• Following a predictable formula so far – dominant for the first 35 mins, but no end product…the longer we allow Bristol City to hang around the more we expose ourselves to a late mugging

• Kalifa Cisse’s shocker of a day continues: Lethal Leroy Lita’s late half drive deflects off the Malian to give us a deserved lead just before the half

HT Bristol City 0-1 Boro

Can Mogga afford to depress the accelerator? They have the pace to punish us on the counter – now with the lead we should perhaps tighten up and be difficult to penetrate. And how will we deal with the supremacy? Do we have the discipline and commitment to see this out and claim a great result? Justin Hoyte – hamstring knack – went off on 38 minutes, replaced with Tony McMahon – no word on the extent of the injury after the interval.

2^nd half

• Surprisingly, there were no Bristol City changes at the break – and for the first 5-8 minutes of the second half it looked like the right decision – best spell of the match so far for the hosts

• Andrew Taylor, however longer he remains a Boro player, can in theory provide the optimal coverage for a foraging young left back like Joe Bennett

• 62 meetings – 27 W 18 D 17 L favouring Boro

• Lethal Leroy Lita! 58 minutes he strikes for his first goal at Ashton Gate since leaving Bristol…outstanding cross from Tony McMahon to punctuate the move ending in the goal that should provide an impenetrable lead

• It’s been better from Bristol City, which really was the only way they could go after a disgusting first half showing – Ivan Sproule has provided a nice boost

• Robbo gets a third with his assiduity and determination – great run and a brute finish to beat David James

• Will Lethal claim the OG? Consider the efforts to discredit Sean St Ledger’s Reading goal from last season

• Cameron Park gets his debut, after being denied by the weather against Hull and the tragic circumstances at Burton

• Attendance: 13699

• The debutant earns a late pen and gets England’s David James sent off! He has the cheek and bottle to petition the senior players to take it, but Lethal doesn’t relent…LL steps up and converts for a nice brace to make it 4

FT Bristol City 0-4 Boro

GG MOM: Lethal

What a strong, controlling, professional performance – ‘a perfect afternoon’. See, we can keep clean sheets, and score goals. Andrew Taylor was so good, so effective; Robbo and Bailey had tremendous shifts – a real selection headache now for Mogga considering Arca was on the bench. All of the sudden we’re overrun with capable footballers.

The Boro away supporters (still waiting on an official number) are holding court in the Wedlock Stand. After the final whistle they’re richly applauded, rewarded with shirts chucked in the crowd by the appreciative players.

Tunnel reaction with Tony Mowbray: most important thing is the points – clinical performance, all the talk of being the better team has finally been turned to action – clean sheet should give the defence lots of confidence – Andrew Taylor: ‘my type of player’ – Kevin Thomson: hairline fracture in the same spot that was damaged originally against Leicester…it’s going to be weeks and months before we know when he’ll return

A nonplussed Andrew Taylor: wasn’t expecting to be back to be honest – enjoyed his role on the left side of midfield – massive changes since Mogga has taken over…didn’t get on with Strachan at all, and the changes in training and approach have been abundantly clear – Watford is in for him, and his future here is still very much up in the air

Barry Robson speaks: glad everything fell into place today – we looked like we could score virtually every time going forward – quite annoyed when Lita demanded the pen – boilerplate Robbo reply that makes us love him: I’m just interested in winning football matches, that’s it

Leicester City traded dead cool Mediterranean sexy for a proven, if not slightly whorish, global lothario. Lisbon, Rome, Genoa, Mexico City, and now Leicester – lock up your daughters, lock up your wives, for sex god Sven Goran Eriksson has docked, looking for tasteful accommodation, cos he doesn’t like commitment in any form. The aim? Promotion, but of course. Kyle Naughton is the first of what looks to be several additions to a retooled side – Jason Roberts is being eyed up seductively, and rather flagrantly, to fetch the goals needed to string some results together and climb out of the league basement…

Derby esta jugando bien! A spot of Spanish tyro Alberto Bueno – on loan from Real Valladolid and personally recommended to Nigel Clough by Vicente del Bosque – has imbued Pride Park with the kind of rapture a recent American divorcee might find in Tuscany. Robbie Savage maintains his dual role as prime villain and cocksure midfield maestro; many Boro fans lamented our dearth of someone of that ilk from our squad during the recent 3-1 dismantling. Throw in an assiduous, omnipresent attacking midfielder like Kris Commons, and starving artist Stephen Bywater – for cultural enhancement only – and you’ve a squad exceeding pre-season expectations of lower-table middling. This here’s a pretty decent side now…

Top Two

No movement – QPR and Cardiff remain imperious…and frankly we’re fucking sick of talking them up…

Playoff Occupiers

Norwich lead the charge of the recently promoted, primarily due to their competent defending that’s avoided the occasional tonkings meted out to fellow new fish Leeds and Millwall – John Ruddy has emerged as a confident surrogate for former taboo lust target Fraser Forster – presiding over the attack are the trident of Wes Hoolahan, Grant Holt, and Chris Martin, affording Paul Lambert an embarrassment of artillery

Care to have a guess at the two teams averaging over 2 goals a contest? Yes, fucking QPR is one…who’s the other? Here’s a clue: they employ four former Boro lads, and we could do with two of them at the moment: an in-form, skilled striker + Prem tested left back…Watford! Marvin Sordell is rewarding Malky Mackay’s faith by banging in regular goals – Adrian Mariappa and Martin Taylor highlight an effective back four keeping out just enough goals to prolong this current meteoric rise

A comment on Paul Fletcher’s ponderous Boro blog splendidly compares the growing pains of Ipswich to our own malaise – Roy Keane has advanced past the Ireland/Sunderland fixation to blood some damn fine youngsters, proof that patience does pay off eventually as Town fly high…Burnley produced some heart-stopping moments in the last few weeks: an insane late comeback to top Preston 4-3, prompting a fresh hot funk from Little Ferg, followed directly by a Tallinn takedown at the Riverside that saw well-earned points evaporated

The Real Meaty Bit Of The Table

Reading, Swansea, and The Trees hold steady in the upper half…Billy Davies is keeping his head down and getting on with the job of keeping his lot in the thick of it – 9 unbeaten since the opening day defeat to Burnley…Leeds/Preston surely gets the nod for match of the month: a 4-1 halftime lead squandered to a previously flaccid Preston side who erupted for five unanswered goals to stupefy the Elland Road faithful and win 6-4…Boro are afflicted with a wisecracking wee gaffer enthusiastically walking the plank on his own accord…drugs, drink, and smoking indeed…the dias-Boro has the highest chemical dependency rate of them all! Portsmouth remained fucked – the Football League wants assurances over four lingering issues before ratifying a proposal to emerge from administration…remarkably the insolvency issues are being overshadowed by some brave displays in what were always going to be hectic circumstances

Bottom Three

Leicester have invoked their experienced saviour…the dosh from the Thais is there, and it’s real according to Sven…set the controls for the heart of the Prem…Crystal Palace languish too, with prospects less fulgent than the Foxes…positive result against Pompey aside, the Eagles have spent the last six weeks flitting between drab 0-0 draws and hapless multi-goal thrashings…Bristol City aren’t really remembering the times when Keith Millen held their hair whilst really sick from too much blue curacao in the drunken lemonades…he’s got but a few matches to string some results together and get off the floor

The power base is contravening their expected strategy to avoid short-term loan options, which is what we’re certainly facing at this juncture. Unless Gordo has a cheeky scheme to raid some Prem clubs of the talent left out of the compulsory 25-man rosters. Loan activity at this level commences 08 Sep 10…a consternated support base eagerly awaits the possibilities for additions prior to the next must-get-a-result outing at QPR.

Vic was gracious enough to elucidate on the net spend since January - the numbers assuage some concerns and potential stigmas…here’s our evocative reply to the post-transfer window postmortem:

Looking at the numbers makes me feel a bit better – such a more positive outlook when including the wage savings from the old big-time earners…

I can’t help but thinking of another area we’ll soon be more deficient in: having/developing marketable players…Wheats has to be the only one of the academy lads who could command a nice transfer fee…Steele may get there soon enough, but after that, who? Any of Park/Pilatos/Luke Williams?

As far as first-teamers and squad players, GON remains the primary attraction – his valuation has dipped to the 2.5m range at best…Boyd would be a profit cos of the free…we could possibly recoup the McDonald spend too…

Gordo ideally wanted to eschew the loan market in favour of weaving together an impenetrable squad…he has to rely on it now – a few more able-bodied mercenaries semi-committed to the cause…

A few more late-week Boro tidbits:

• The second monthly shirt sponsor has been unveiled, and it generated considerable buzz…
• International break – Euro 2012 qualification begins this weekend – the bravehearts aren’t the only ones away on duty…
• Lithuania v Scotland - Robbo and Mick start for the absolutely critical opener away in Kaunas  
• Estonia v Italy – shoot-on-sight livewire Tarmo Kink features for the hosts as they host 2006 WC champions, and 2010 WC laughingstocks, Italy

And finally, an offering to the football blogging deities, hoping beyond hope that we’ll be rescued from the ennui of a cubicle-based work existence…some tossed together notes strained from the frankly wonderful commentary of the local Barnsley radio coverage streamed on that dastardly justin.tv:

Kris Boyd – Tykes commentators/contributors: ‘Boyd born offside’ – a few good half-chances – sliced a really good open chance 10 feet past Luke Steele’s post – ran hard and got into decent positions

Robbo – cracking 25 yd effort saved in the second half – quite active overall – much better individually after Sheffield United

Kink – continued to build confidence – more pops from distance that have increased in marginal success – escaped punishment for coming back onto the pitch after treatment prematurely, w/ out ref consent

post match inquests w/ Gordon Cox:

Gordo: not very contrite – keeper made great saves – away support was brilliant…disappointed for them – unhappy times at the moment – keep working, hope the luck will change and performances improve – I have a ‘terrific life’…didn’t seemed too bothered by the context of a dreadful start

Wheats: couldn’t get the ball to wide men from the back – balls out of play – worked on the crosses extensively in training – keep grafting/training hard – revelation about the first goal from set-piece

callers: where’s his passion – fight! – he sounds like an outsider – no passion for the cause – Kevin Fucking Keegan? – that trumps the outlandish demand for Maradona – Rioch was frequently outraged at the rubbish results and risible performances…he ripped into his teams accordingly

GG sews it up: work very hard in the next 2 weeks boys – in the midfield, when Barnsley lost the ball they battled and willed themselves to win it back…we gave up and looked ragged, lost the shape and were totally overran

We enjoyed the usual feast consisting of a battered, deep-fried live blog escalope served w/ a hearty portion of chipped BBC Radio Tees…satisfying post-meal fag optional…

Jones; Hoyte, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Robson, O’Neil, Williams, Franks; McDonald, Killen

• ‘Cracking day for a match’ according to the broadcast team
• Palace an old side – 5 players over age 30
• Alan Lee opens the action on 5 minutes by smashing the post! The well-proportioned Irish striker – long a target in eyes of this blog – romps forward and cuts inside of Wheats to unleash a screamer that left Brad Jones flailing…
• Boro fashion a lead out of nothing: Gary O’Neil is unlocked down the right channel by a terrific ball from Justin Hoyte – he squares the ball to Scott McDonald who taps it in – Boro 1-0 Palace
• ‘The intelligence of Gary O’Neil’ crafted that goal says GG…a real poacher’s finish…proper strikers goal
• Time to raise the intensity after the goal – apply more pressure
• Everyone has a hearty laugh at Jay O’Shea’s banana-like boots…ah, hazing the new fish
• Great linkage between the midfield and attack, notably GON and Mac
• Mark Drury checks in pitchside w/ the latest instructions from the gaffer: take on the fullbacks – Ertl is a centre back and Matt Lawrence just arrived – get wide and test them
• AV confirmed the latest in a string of denied stonewall pens – Mac got to long ball over the top – Paddy McCarthy defends it sloppily, though not enough to stimulate referee Graham Salisbury…did he not see Paddy tugging him down?
• Andrew Taylor limps off after re-aggravating one of his seemingly many maladies…Kyle Naughton replaces him on 42 minutes
• Gordo remonstrating w/ the fourth official over the missed penalty call – the deep frustration surrenders to unlikely laughter
• The comic relief is short-lived as Palace get an equalizer deep into stoppage time – Alan Lee operated freely on the left to pick out Alassane N’Diaye – the young Frenchman finished w/ a fancy header from 12 yards out – Boro 1-1 Palace
• ‘Poor goal…good header’ is the supposition from above
• HT Boro 1-1 Palace
• Poor time and manner in which to concede – forces us to do something creative in the second half
• interval repast: tea/fags/Sports section of local rag
• Gary Gill begs of Justin Hoyte: ‘have a bit more belief son…use your pace…’
• Robbo tells everyone – probably in a menacing way – just calm down a little bit after a frantic spell
• Attendance – 18,028 (459 from Croydon)
• Palace defender Claude Davis suffers from karmic retribution after suspected hand ball  and a terrible lumbering foul on Leroy Lita…Robbo poleaxing him moments later offers a measure of justice…Ali thinks it’ll ‘clear his head…when he finds it…’. Boom!
• Jonathan Franks is a key ingredient in this Boro surge – he’s finding space down the left and working hard to provide good crosses – the peach he stood up at the back post for Mac – the header is looped over Julian Speroni and onto his net…later he switches up w/ substitute Jay O’Shea and buzzes down the right
• Despite all the turmoil – remember, Palace would be battling w/ us for playoff positioning if not for their points deduction – the visitors lay claim to the 3rd best away record in the league…with a point already secured will they blag a win?
• 3 minutes added
• GG MOM – Jonathan Franks
• FT Boro 1-1 Crystal Palace
• 10 unbeaten at home, but ultimately not good enough – feels like a draw should: 2 points wasted instead of 1 gained
• The body language of the players trudging off the pitch confirms as much – it wasn’t an overly-physical affair and the conditions were more than acceptable – this dejection comes from within the team
• Paul Hart brought a resolute, compact, and organised side to our place…eerily similar to the Pompey match last spring when we desperately needed something then too…what ever could be the correlation?
• Gordo has the last words: we lacked in bravery – mentally – not a strong enough performance – this he feels is the most dominant performance of since his arrival, inferring it to be better than Newcastle a few weeks back – quality and imagination were the key missing factors

Boro did just enough in the last match to stay on the radar, though the blips are ominously sporadic. Finishing strongly in the last six matches is imperative, not just for chasing a mathematical mirage – also setting a firm foundation for a project looking set to miss a critical deadline…

Extended notes on the Watford affair:

Jones; Hoyte, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Robson, O’Neil, Williams, Arca; Miller, Killen

• The notorious virus that put Hurworth on lockdown earlier this week beats its path through the non-playing participants of the traveling Boro party: Gary Gill is out – Craig Hignett in – and to prove the infection reaches far across the periphery of the official traveling party Eric Paylor is rendered below fitness for the trip down w/ AV – Tallentire has his gear packed and ready beside the bed

• On loan winger Jay O’Shea on the bench after limited training w/ his temporary teammates

• CG fondly recalls playing days w/ Martin Taylor – bizarrely also on loan from Brummie FC like our Irish winger – despite the recent reputation as a vile oaf he’s a real gentle giant – Tiny to his friends apparently…

• Quick start from the hosts – Tom Cleverley goes for accuracy over pace w/ his free kick – save B Jones inside of the first 2 minutes

• Boro don’t get going until the 13^th minute – off a cleared Watford corner GON romps forward cavalierly and shoots wide of Scott Loach’s target

• If Malky Mackay doesn’t get a job soon after he’s sacked maybe he can shill throat lozenges? The BBC Radio Tees effects microphones catch his every screeching shout

• Watford break through on 18 minutes: a corner was only half-cleared and it falls to former Boro man John Eustace – he volleys sweetly from the edge of the area past Jonesey and into the goal – Watford 1-0 Boro

• Blame Mark Drury for that goal implores CG – he was calling the goal scorer John Useless pre-match

• That goal was a bad augur: Watford unbeaten in 13 matches this campaign when they’ve opened the scoring – 10W 3D

• Alternatively we have the most losses from a 1-0 scoreline in the league…most wins from a 2-0 result too…what’s it all mean?

• Last team to beat Gareth Southgate? It was these Hornets a mere 4 days before Gaz – born in Watford! – got the sack

• An uneven performance from the referee Roger East so far, and probably not surprising given his ostensible geographical bias – 3 yellow cards for our lot – and a failure to send off Henri Lansbury for a rash of inappropriate fouls and tackles

• HT Watford 1-0 Boro – total rubbish so far

• CG opines: same old story for the Boro – punished by one or two lapses of judgment; lack of fluidity amongst the lumbering strike force and a lack of the final ball…their keep hasn’t done much; bring on LL to wreak havoc on this awful pitch…his pace can trouble their defenders and punish them for any sort of transgression

• Mark Drury reports that Gordo is cutting an increasingly frustrating figure on the bench -lambastes Mick and Killen for silly bookings – and laments being too lenient w/ the opponents so far…they’re there for the taking, insomuch as it was them who feared getting trousered early and succumbing the way we used to

• 2^nd half resumes w/ Leroy lurking on the sideline – his introduction finally occurs in the 50^th minute, replacing Lee Miller…why not just do it at half-time?

• Especially if he sparks the attack like this! His diligence deep in the Watford half earns a corner – and then moments later links well w/ Barry Robson to produce a pop on goal…

• And then he only goes and levels the effing match! LL scraps w/ Lloyd Doyley to win a 50-50 ball and plays it wide to GON – he chips a cross back towards goal and Leroy nods it home – Watford 1-1 Boro – 55 minutes

• That Henri Lansbury is a dirty little fucker – a spate of ruthless fouls that go largely unpunished until he finally copped a yellow card

• Last away win for Boro remains the 4-1 mauling @ Doncaster in January

• Horrendous surface at Vicarage Road – balls bobbling and forcing extra touches that’s slowing down any momentum – but both sides have to deal with it equally…no longer should an inferior surface be attributed to a poor and unacceptable performance

• Tom Cleverley has easily been the best player on the pitch…and he just absolutely whacked the crossbar!

• ‘A constant whirl of conversation’ on the touchline between the gaffers and fourth official

• 15 minutes left and it’s the first real spot of bother for Brad Jones: instead of securing a benign cross into his area it’s palmed out to Cleverley – Jonesey’s positioning saves him as he’s perfectly restricting a clear sight on goal

• Heidar Helguson springs to life in the final 10 minutes: the flag stays down as he latches onto a ball from the ubiquitous Cleverley and goes close; moments later David Wheater produces a superb block before the Icelandic striker can fire off a round

• Now a lack of shorts plagues us – apparently the fans saw a bit too much of Jonathan Franks as he came on for Julio Arca earlier…not only is he to occupy his place on the pitch, but his shorts too in a kit cock-up redolent of the trip to Peterborough
• Attendance: 14038 – well done to the 1132 away supporters who made the trek

• CG MOM: Mick

• FT Watford 1-1 Boro

A fair result overall…we defended well and really improved attack-wise after the break…Leroy Lita was really bright, maintaining a firm disposition full of endeavour and drive…hopefully the petulant transgressions of the recent past are history

Crystal Palace come Saturday to The Riverside…different agendas for sure, but desperate all the same…

 Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Robson, O’Neil, Williams, Arca; Killen, McDonald

• Marvin Emnes no longer missing in action – he’s back on the bench…still no Nani though
• Barry Robson continues his recent brilliance – inside 3 minutes his free kick seems destined for the Derby net, only to be headed away to safety at the last
• Talk about fine fettle: Robbo opens the scoring for us again! A wonder strike from the edge of the area into the top right corner past a helpless David Martin – Derby 0-1 Boro – 15 mins
• Gordon Strachan Appreciation Society thriving on AV’s live blog – the old resistance to the new gaffer it certainly isn’t on display here
• Danny Coyne earning the virtual platitudes too for his overall composure
• And it’s gone straight to his head around 30 minutes as he tries to invoke some of the past goalkeeping calamities – some butterfingers moments are mitigated nicely by intervention from Mick
• Results at this stage – 40 mins in – going our way…sort of: Coventry losing…to Cardiff – but oh, Blackpool are down…to Sheff Utd…double balls!
• Completely unrelated to the goings on at Pride Park, and maybe best kept to ourselves…we’ve quite the soft spot for plucky Plymouth…Paul Mariner seems a good geezer and he’s quite familiar w/ our part of the world
• HT Derby 0-1 Boro
• Gary Gill thinks we look quite comfortable – Ali Brownlee goes further, saying we’re bossing the middle of the park and doing what we please
• 30 seconds into the 2^nd half GON is clattered – down momentarily but good to continue – Gordo only has 4 recognised midfielders you know
• AV chimes in amid the love-in for Barry Robson: ‘To be fair you wouldn’t want Robson to look at you… he has the black cold eyes of a shark, totally focused on the prey, and he has the tetchy Caledonian growl of of David Moyes too. Scary. Respect.’
• Boro continue the search for a second goal which could well kill off this affair – Mac looked to have bagged it in the 57^th min if not for a questionable off side decision
• Failure to step on the throat is finally punished: Chris Porter – recently on for Robbie Savage – powers home a header at the far post…Coyne lacked the inches to properly divert the ball…67 mins – Derby 1-1 Boro
• Double bugger as they say…6 minutes later it’s Michael Tonge – on loan from Stoke – volleying home from 25 yards to give the hosts a shock lead…Derby 2-1 Boro…two Derby crosses dealt with before the clearance fell nicely to the former Blades midfielder
• Gordo is going for it though – Lee Miller on for Arca in the 83^rd min to join recent sub Leroy Lita up front w/ Scott McDonald
• Hope is substituted for resignation after Rhys Williams commits a second bookable offence – first yellow given in 1^st half stoppage time – and is correctly sent off in the 88^th min – petulant foul on Dean Leacock
• Amazing spirit and fight under less than ideal circumstances! Leroy Lita atones for past transgressions by heading home an unlikely equalizer in stoppage time – Derby 2-2 Boro
• The rediscovered goodwill is quickly eviscerated – keep your damn kit on man…please fine and/or rollick him
• GG MOM – Barry Robson
• FT Derby 2-2 Boro

Additionally there’s the specter of wasting glorious opportunities to close ground on 6^th place. Cardiff are in anticipated freefall…Blackpool stuttered at The Hawthorns…Sheffield United and new entry Coventry drew at the weekend. At the risk of getting all revisionist, if Leroy Lita operates within the confines of normal football convention and plays to the whistle at Forest, and keeps his hand out of the flight path of an incoming ball, we’d be sat on 50 points w/ those Bluebirds and Tangerines. Bollocks to lessons learned. We have to be better. It’s that sort of brutal candour from the gaffer that will revive the culture and move this club on.

It was a multi-partner fete last match day. AV and the lads on the live blog to start…a sampling of the seductive duo of Alistair Brownlee and Gary Gill…then a final carnal pleasure: live streaming video scrambled from the Middle East. It was all quite tasteful and satisfying…

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Robson, O’Neil, Williams, Arca; Killen, McDonald

• Mac is back – received the full spa treatment at Hurworth: injections, massages, aromatherapy, nonsensical new age music, and an overload of vitamin A
• His resiliency is tested early on – 2 mins in he’s elbowed by Coloccini whilst chasing a ball in the Geordie box – shouts for a penalty are waved away
• Toon have only won once away from home since December – at Vicarage Road against Watford on 27 Feb 10
• Mark Drury on the first 15: we’re competitive – fancying our chances against a reshuffled back four
• Newcastle get the opener after doing eff all so far – Gutierrez slots a ball through our central defenders and Peter Lovenkrands gets on the end and coolly slots home from 12 yards – Boro 0-1 Newcastle – 16 mins
• Wheats caught flat-footed on the ball that led to the goal – would prove to be an ambivalent day for the lad
• Gordon Strachan imploring Chris Killen to do more than look big – our full-backs are doing the job getting the ball in – he has to do better to hold up play
• First real chance for Boro – from a free kick Barry Robson unleashes an absolute thunderbolt – Steve Harper elongates to deny the Scot
• This is the 116^th meeting in the Tyne-Tees derby – Toon still edging it w/ 45 wins to Boro’s 35…26 draws for those liberal arts majors out there
• What a fantastic goal! Barry Robson – a name fast becoming synonymous with Teesside quality – with a stunner that reduces Steve Harper to spectator – from 20 yards out he arrows it inside the goal into the side netting – Boro 1-1 Newcastle – 36 mins
• More on the goal which conjured ‘absolute ecstasy’: not much back lift on the strike, and as he cut in it was doubtful he’d have a pop – a superlative strike
• Gary Gill wonders aloud, ‘did Pancrate really play for Paris Saint-Germain?’ Ali replies tersely, ‘allegedly’…keep those boys off the ale!
• Andrew Taylor so far: rather effective…
• Attendance – 27347 – (3743 Jawdees)
• HT – Boro 1-1 Newcastle
• GG says: we’ve been unconvincing defensively – haven’t dealt well w/ mazy runs from Lovenkrands, as evidenced by their goal – overall we’re the better side to this point
• The Riverside has been a cauldron thus far – the unveiling of a brilliant Trophy Virgins banner from the Red Faction has increased the steam
• Julio Arca feels it – the man quite familiar w/ north east derbies – gallops onto a delicious ball from GON down the left channel – his shot is smothered by Harper and out for a corner – just needed the same kind of flick his fellow countryman uses every now and then
• 67 minutes – more audacity from Arca as he intercepts a poor clearance and bursts forward for a shot – over, but encouraging
• Scott McDonald’s fitness levels aren’t a concern at all – he’s everywhere…Killen improving too
• Account opened! From a Robson free kick on the right – Killen climbs and nods it back across the box – Mac is there to swivel and score from inside the 6 – a lovely finish under duress – Boro 2-1 Newcastle
• Wheats cancels out an onrushing Leon Best in the 79^th minute – a superb sliding challenge…the highlight of a lackluster display
• Lacklustre what? Andy Carroll displays the kind of form that has historically killed us…in the reserves – he grabs and guides a cross from Tamas Kadar w/ his left boot, past a forlorn Danny Coyne – Boro 2-2 Newcastle
• Carroll gets a chance to blag a winner – Stephen McManus present to stifle a decent scoring opportunity – 86 mins
• Killen and his substitute, Lee Miller, draw the ire of the referee w/ their imposing and physical play
• 4 mins added
• GG MOM – Scott McDonald
• FT Boro 2-2 Newcastle
• Post match brief: ‘a real, real shame’…’the best performance under Gordon Strachan’, asserts Mark Drury

Derby – County that is – away on Tuesday…will results continue to go our way? Can we take advantage?

Saturday heralded another despondent performance in an ever-diminishing string of must-win matches absolutely required to stay in this current playoff hunt. Defeat at Cardiff expanded the gap between Boro and 6^th place by 5 points – and the Bluebirds still have two games in hand. Some openly dream of more HMRC bother for the Welsh club that would tragically result in a points deduction. Others sit expectantly for their ‘annual playoff bottle job’. Whatever happens to Dave Jones and his players they will remain a constant reminder of our own failures and deficiencies.

For reasons unknown to us – and the players themselves per David Wheater in his post-match interview – Boro failed to turn on at the outset and seize upon their vulnerable hosts. Chairman and manager at loggerheads. Haven’t won in 3 matches. Missing SIX first team regulars. Without a financial pot to piss in. We were the quick tonic as Jay Bothroyd exploited a dazed defence to tap in the only goal 3 minutes from the opening whistle. The uphill slog was too great. The frenzied approach adopted in the second half proved entertaining and promising, but ultimately unfulfilling. All the hard work and endeavour punished by a disallowed goal – David Wheater’s leveler in the 60^th minute negated for an incredulous hand ball on Leroy Lita. The supposition from the linesman who commanded the call being LL knocked it on w/ his hand before Wheats rose to deposit in the net. No ebullient remonstrating after the match though from Gordo – his busy paw should have never been up to begin with…

We tapped into the state-of-the-art media installations at the new Cardiff City Stadium and followed the live blog w/ AV – aural fixation quenched w/ a vociferous dose of an Ali GG Snakebite. We took notes whilst thinking what Betsan Powys was up to:

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Flood, O’Neil, Robson, Arca; Aliadiere, Lita

• Nothing inspiring about the starting XI – no Mac or Killen – the size of Lee Miller wasted again on the bench
• Cardiff ease their tumult in early fashion – some woeful Boro defending allows Gabor Gyepes to nod on a lofted cross from Darcy Blake on the left – Jay Bothroyd is at the far post to tap in – Cardiff 1-0 Boro – 3 minutes
• Early haze fuelled by the opener – Boro produce nothing attacking for the first 17 minutes or so – ‘haven’t done enough’ says the expert summariser Gary Gill
• Andrew Taylor back in the side – his alert header in a recovery role on 35 minutes does just enough to stifle another home side attack punctuated by a lurking Chris Burke
• We have been total shit – paraphrasing of course…
• Leroy Lita is actually finding himself in interesting positions, but this sortie ends immediately upon conceding possession far too easily deep in the Bluebirds box
• Chris Killen made it back from the Rose Bowl! He joins the action on 40 minutes as Jeremie Aliadiere makes way…his injury should be historically viewed as irrelevant to the change as he too is complete cack
• Penalty karma still on the side of the Boro late on in the first half – Chris Burke terrorises again, brought down flagrantly by GON – a certain pen…of course he sees a yellow card for simulation…what anti-Teesside bias?
• HT – Cardiff 1-0 Boro
• Mark Drury’s report includes ‘anemic display’…’lacking vitality’…get those men some vitamin boost and/or some of those instant hard-on pills
• The JA injury – later revealed as a broken toe – was appropriated by none other than Stephen McManus
• GG – tell the players again that there is an awful lot at stake today…roll up your sleeves and have a go…show us it means something to you…a loss today signals the end of realistic playoff ambitions
• Last Boro win in Cardiff? 1970 – a 4-3 result…this is the first visit to the new Cardiff City Stadium
• Boro start the half brightly – Tayls provides a decent ball into the box for LL, but alas he only scores w/ the little head between his legs – this effort from 7 yards is criminally off target
• Our Iron Man Willo pulls up lame – some left knee knack for the Irishman – he eventually comes off to end  string of 10 straight matches playing the full 90 – Rhys Williams replaces him for his first action since Boxing Day – 52 minutes
• Boro get their leveler!! David Wheater heads home after a Barry Robson free kick…until the linesman spots an incredulous hand ball offense on LL and waves it off…ludicrous
• More from GG re: the disallowed goal – this ridiculous linesman spots a hand ball from 35 yards away, in a crowd of players? The referee has to be in a better position
• Yellow card madness ensued – Robbo picked up one with – after much back and forth and questionable confirmation – Leroy Lita
• The little striker links again w/ Tayls – LL fed deep, rolling Anthony Gerrard and compelling a reflex save from David Marshall
• Robbo robbed – GON crosses nicely and it’s a crisp strike – important save from Marshall
• Killen next! A looping header the end result of a ball from the right delivered by Kyle Naughton – tipped away
• More Marshall heroics: GON has a go from a free kick 40 yards out – it dips and swerves towards the open net until the last moment – what a half from a man jettisoned to Norwich when Gordo gaffered up north
• FT – Cardiff 1-0 Boro
• GG MOM – Barry Robson
• It was a ‘lunatic linesman’ robbing us of a point, at least – so many chances in that second half – Cardiff were rocking and there for the taking
• Mark Drury w/ Wheats post match: we don’t know why we can’t string 2 good halves together – attitude toward the playoffs is still positive…it has to be
• Final thoughts from GG: we are competing at this level, just not scoring the goals to back it up – Scott McDonald will get those goals – is there enough time for him to make an impact

7000 tits from Newcastle shall be on display Saturday in what could be the last Tees-Tyne derby for some time…