What better time then to measure the remnants, reel off the rejects, and fawn over who we think Gibbo should be cutting summer transfer checks to?

Strachan’s Spine

Barry Robson – a man by which all others should be measured

Scott McDonald – gratefully, for us anyway, cut loose from Aussie national team before World Cup 2010…he can get fit w/ us and do the business next season

Steve McManus – still on loan from Celtic, Mick cancelled his New York holiday w/ the missus to join boot camp…everyone knows we want him permanently

Faithful Men

Chris Killen - a valuable target man…leading the Kiwi line in SA

Willo Flood – Vic says he looks like a product of an Irn Bru and crisps diet…we say a buzzing badass who can badger and harass the opposition

Emanuel Pogatetz – not under contract, but Gordo loves his leadership…he’ll have to take a massive pay cut to stay though

Brad Jones – can he shake the laughingstock label? probably not – some folks will never come around, but he did turn in some commanding performances after the recall…

Danny Coyne - didn’t really do anything wrong…was solid virtually every time called upon…scapegoated for the Derby display…still a competent deputy

Get To Know Them Better

Tony McMahon - foot injury torpedoed his audition for the new gaffer…surely he’ll love Macca’s grit the same way most supporters do?

Matthew Bates – fragility will be his undoing…decent player, and versatile…sadly he’s flimsier than the slinky top Lindsay Lohan donned in her recent court appearance

Seb Hines – is it just us, or has he played pretty well whenever called upon in the last three-plus years? he’s a tad dainty though too…

Testicles Are Descending

Jonathan Franks – love his pace…really developing as an exciting, attacking winger

Luke Williams – tremendous potential…we’ve said it before: everyone is pulling for this kid

Rhys Williams – a stalwart by comparison, being the first choice right back for Oz and all…really tidy in our midfield

Andy Halliday – a coup of sorts – we beat off some serious Prem competition for the lad…here’s hoping the assembly line of Livi talent continues

We’d Love To, But…

David Wheater – the rampant interest in Craig Dawson leads many to speculate Wheats can be had…it’s evolving into another Cattermole situation; get the lad away from the pressures of playing for his local pro club? hopefully not…unless we could trouser £5-6m for him

Gary O’Neil - free from the escalator clause shackles – we say he’s really available…like  that friend of your missus in from out of town, looking for a great guy because she has a schedule and everything…and sex on a first date happens sometimes….

Leroy Lita – don’t forget your top…

Justin Hoyte – duped by Voyeur again!

Jonathan Grounds – young…English…young…that’s about it

Julio Arca – you had a great run in the north-east of England mate…now go on back to Velez Sarsfield or something

Andrew Taylor – he has non-football ventures…good for him

Didier Digard – we like him…he is a bit of a pussy though

Joe Bennett – despite all the promise and ability, his auditions in both the left back and left midfield berths were largely woeful…how many more chances has he got?

Josh Walker – comments after a decent performance against Peterborough at home were painfully succinct: he doubts he has a future here

Not Gordo’s Type

Jeremie Aliadiere – more fragile than the Greek economy, just what is it he excels at? falling over and dreadful decision making top our list…

Chris Riggott – committed professional, until asked to take a pay cut…one of the last links to Eindhoven…

Marvin Emnes – 12 years into our Pro Evo franchise – working on a 4th straight league title thank you very much – and he’s still banging them in for Sparta Rotterdam…his form on the upcoming Bundesliga Zwei themed soccer sim should be scintillating

The Riddle Wrapped In A Mystery Flaky Pastry Crust, Drenched In Enigma

Ahmed Hossam Hussein Abdelhamid…Mido – rumour has it he’ll come back if no better offers are unearthed…we can’t see it…we can see McAllister and Pendrey park-benching him in training and Gordo raining blows on the husky malcontent…

Objects Of Affection

Craig Dawson – player of the season in League Two after helping Rochdale to their first promotion in aeons…initial offer of £750k knocked back

Garry Kenneth – Dundee Utd defensive midfielder that new boss Peter Houston is determined to hold on to…or at least force us to pay inflated fees

Craig Conway – the sexier of the Dundee Utd duo…25 year old winger who can add much needed depth and experience in MF…

Gary Hooper – Scunthorpe goal ace is still being tracked by several clubs…maybe just one more season of copious goals at this level though to be entirely certain he’s the real thing

Kevin Thomson – Rangers hard man – not very attack-minded: 4 goals in 151 league appearances…thank you Walter Smith for rejecting our recent overtures

Go On, Give ‘Em A Bell

Robert Koren - knows what it takes to get out of this league (and sadly how to get relegated straight back)…captain of Slovenia, classy midfielder…we’d have at least texted him already

Daniel Bogdanovic – Maltese goal falcon…14 goals for Barnsley this past season…ideal cover for Mac, don’t you think?

Liam Lawrence – a stretch for sure, especially after a bright display in the Ireland/Paraguay friendly earlier this week…thoughts of a Robbo/Lawro midfield already give us tingles in our trousers…probably won’t happen though….Mick McCarthy is slicking his hair and straightening his tie in advance to woo the lad…

The existing deficiencies were again magnified in the loss to Barnsley 2-1. Boro negotiated suspensions and injuries to field another disparate side: Jonathan Franks on the wide right of a previously little used, though historically Strachan-favoured 4-5-1 -Marcus Bent foundered alone up front – Arca was in over Yeates again – Hoyte dallied some more on the left, ahead of 3 relatively well compensated and rested recognized left-backs. Never mind that the former Arsenal man and drafted replacement for Luke Young provided the opening goal – a benign cross cum shot from 35 yards out, adamantly labeled by the under-achiever as intentional. The visitors, heartened by the jovial and voluble traveling supporters, excelled early on and bossed it. Barnsley regrouped after the break, as is their wont, and changed shape to create 2 goals that changed the course and rendered Boro craven again. Mark Robins is starting to harness and conjure some of that old Oakwell magic – the Tykes now rest 15^th in the table on 30 points, but w/ two massive games in hand. Capitalise on those and we’ll have a new entrant into the playoff discussion…

The live blog is still on official Christmas holiday in Tenerife, and our normally reliable BBC Tees radio feed was replaced w/ a freakish imitation of Revolution 9 -  turn me on dead man…

• Celebrated egoist Leroy Lita suspended for punch petulance at the weekend
• Chris Riggott officially back – partners w/ David Wheater in the heart of defence
• Mark Yeates – still studying that lump of coal inexplicably planted in his Christmas stocking
• Arca goes close early on, capping a fine flowing team move – the strong shot denied by a full-stretching Luke Steele
• Boro goal! from Justin Effing Hoyte!! his deep, high cross from the right wrong-foots Steele and nestles in the top corner of the net – Barnsley 0-1 Boro – 24 mins
• Solid defending from Wheats – perfectly timed intervention in the box to stymie Hugo Colace
• No half-time ruminations – see above
• Barnsley reshape post-break – failure to clear a corner at the near post results in Stephen Foster heading the Tykes level – Barnsley 1-1 Boro – 49 mins
• GON tries to restore the lead quickly – latches on to a decent ball from Bent, but chips his effort cruelly over the bar
• Where is Julio Arca? 58 mins – Daniel Bogdanovic is given space/time to cross on the left – the delivery is met by an onrushing Hugo Colace to beat a helpless Danny Coyne – Barnsley 2-1 Boro
• Luke Williams makes his Boro bow – comes on for Jonathan Franks in the 73^rd – the little ginger doppelganger is the youngest senior debutant since good old Tommy Murray against Sheffield Wednesday in 1905…ah memories
• Emil Halfredsson – Icelandic winger – very impressive for the hosts
• Boro start to hibernate for the last 15 minutes or so until a quick pair of half-chances for the young starlet – a fierce Adam Johnson drive clips off the 16 year olds shin and painfully close to the Barnsley goal – right before the death he has another pop – better, but not enough for rescue
• With no GG to lead us, MOM honours go to Chris Riggott – solid in his return and a bit of a calming influence on our Redcar Rock

League duties take a back seat this weekend – Manchester Cini and their bespoke new gaffer bring the quarter-billion pound novelty – and possibly future relegated step-child – to the Riverside for the FA Cup. And it’s on the telly proper!