Boro make one enforced change: Steele, McMahon, Bates, Hines, Bennett, Franks, Bailey, Arca, Taylor, Boyd, Lita. Subs: Ripley, Haas, McDonald, Halliday, Grounds, Smallwood, Park

Pre-match niceties with Mogga: on the progress of Merouane Zemmama –  ‘he’s in a post office in Marrakesh probably’

Jonathan Franks in for Marvin Emnes (groin), who failed a late fitness test

35 played in this series – Boro: 13W 9D 13L

1^st half

• Dougie Freedman is still searching for first win. He’s been permanent for a month, fostering a stingy defence that hasn’t conceded at home since 09 Nov 10. His number two Lennie Lawrence shared a few hearty moments with Mogga pre-match
• Jason Steele and Joe Bennett get the call for the England U21 match in Empoli against the Italians
• Julian Speroni – looks a bit gruff…and heavy…’you sound like Brucie’ quips Gary Gill
• Arca the, ahem, Arcatect
• Ref – Roger East (Wiltshire)
• Matthew Bates off with hamstring knack after 22 minutes. Jonathan Grounds comes on, leaving Maxi  Haas to still wait for his English debut. Crutches for the captain? Nah, he’s proper hard…
• Macca took the armband after Bates exit
• Boro looking to score in 9^th consecutive league match
• More poor composure from Leroy Lita…had Speroni committed and scuffed his shot
• Anthony Gardner having a Kalifa Cisse-esque shocker
• Dean Moxey the standout Palace man so far. A cracking piece of late transfer business from the looks of it…he’s the standout presence in this Palace side looking to close the gap between them and their current opponents
• ‘A catalogue of errors’ leads to Palace’s opener – awful play from Seb Hines…goal claimed by James Vaughan…Palace 1-0

HT Palace 1-0 Boro

Loads of possession for us, with no end product. Arca has been masterful, completing at least as many passes as the hosts combined. Bates exit has really had an impact. Hines shocking during the concession of the goal – Vaughan outmuscled the young centre back entirely too easily. Get your head on son and repay the favour this half…

Scott McDonald can change the shape for us – he can get forward and profit from the fruitful passes Arca and Bailey are offering

2^nd half

• Franks off – Cameron Park on
• The strikers must be strong, getting the ball to stick…keep possession and be stronger
• Darren Ambrose denied a chance to possibly kill it off…great save Steele
• Boyd off – McDonald on, vociferously
• 15 mis left – no subs left to reshuffle – who will conjure up the magic to get us something
• Att – 14060 (1315 Boro)
• Hines heads up front for a last roll of the dice…with Boyd off there’s a decided lack of height in the attack…

GG MOM – Arca

FT Palace 1-0 Boro

One mistake punished us, though to be fair they could have had 2 or 3. We dominated possession and did fuck all with it; not a good sign to do this away against a team below you. Boro’s glaring, flagrant lack of presence in the Palace penalty box ensured we wouldn’t be a threat. Confidence waned as the match progressed. And once Bates left the spirit disappeared entirely

4 points from 9 – simply not a good enough return against teams in the bottom three. Obviously the Preston lapse set the tone for this critical run

Fans openly questioning transfer window logic – £2m  wasn’t enough for Lita? And why no reinvestment in the squad? Mogga’s admission that the club wanted, and needed, to move more players around in the transfer window will sting throughout May – summer will be the time for wide range perestroika

Tunnel reaction with Tony Mowbray: punished quite a bit for one mistake in this division – standards slipped – the squad didn’t succeed with the game plan in training, and it showed – Matthew Bates: hamstring injury confirmed ; less than ideal training conditions may have played a role – Grounds is better with ball at his left foot; he played well ahead of a potential English debut for Maximilian Haas – another day and it’s 0-0, no-one deserved to win the match – Cam Park; late call to plump for Franks after Emnes was ruled out; he came on because we needed a creative player on the pitch

Nicky Bailey needs consolation: disappointing end to a good run – got ‘caught up a little bit’ – ‘didn’t create enough or play well enough as a team’ – not trying to make excuses, but the wind ‘was everywhere’ and the pitch was ‘bubbly’

Julio Arca, Boro’s new best interview: too a nasty kick, leg is hurting – ‘we tried everything’, ‘couldn’t find the space’ – they waited for us to make a mistake, and apart from the goal they created nothing – ‘frustrating when you can’t break in’ – regarding Swansea, it could be better for us to play against a team that wants to play good football…slightly elitist eh, Julio?

Tuesday

7.45p

Barnsley v Leeds United – Oakwell

The Tykes look to avoid the ignominy of consecutive losses to newly promoted sides…Leeds will be without their number one as Kapser Schmeichel battles a foot injury…Barnsley 2-1 Leeds United

Bristol City v Watford – Ashton Gate

City took advantage of the then-uncertainty at Glanford Park and rolled to a critical win…Watford pulled a Boro and threw away points when Doncaster snatched at draw at the death…Bristol City 2-0 Watford

Doncaster v Norwich – Keepmoat Stadium

A juicy proposition between two intriguing sides fully imbued with the spirit of their respective gaffers…a game to take impressionable, aspiring tots to…Doncaster 2-2 Norwich

Hull v Derby – KC Stadium

When you’ve failed to win away in 27 straight, home can be a tonic…unless your form there is pretty shit too…fortunately for Hull, Derby look rubbish…Hull 1-0 Derby

Ipswich v QPR – Portman Road

Like countless others before, many Boro fans take warm comfort in Roy Keane…his, erm, methodical approach to finally stringing some results together after 18 months give those suffering under Strachan some cause for optimism…stuffing rampant QPR after our beatdown should engender more moist emotion…Ipswich 1-0 QPR

Leicester v Cardiff – Walkers Stadium

A playoff rematch from May, when Cardiff prevailed and thought they’d stroll to promotion after Blackpool shocked the Trees…four months on it’s Pool strutting on the Prem promenade…Paulo Sousa needs this one badly…Leicester 3-1 Cardiff

Middlesbrough v Burnley – Riverside Stadium

The knives are out…the captain castigated after his heroically frank post-QPR assessment…and Gary McAllister is contemplating using the escape hatch to fuck off to Villa…attendance may be in the four-figures, if not Tuesday, then Saturday for sure, without a courageous, competent display here…Burnley shanghaied Little Ferg last time out, and it was glorious…Boro 0-2 Burnley

Millwall v Reading – New Den

Trips to Millwall were always going to be grim…the fact that they’re playing some of the best stuff in the league now makes it positively frightening…Millwall 2-1 Reading

Preston v The Trees – Deepdale

Unofficially, it took Little Ferg five whole league post-match pressers to use ‘disgrace’, or any of its permutations…that’s just not good enough…we want his not-so-distinct bombast and vitriol tout les jours…Billy Davies may not be the most agitated Scot in the league after all…Preston 1-0 The Trees

Sheffield United v Scunthorpe – Bramall Lane

This league lost a diamond geezer when Nigel Adkins agreed to take over at Southampton…let’s hope a little bit of money and fame doesn’t change him…Sheffield United have a golden chance to make it three straight wins for rookie gaffer Gary Speed…Sheffield United 2-0 Scunthorpe

Swansea v Coventry – Liberty Stadium

We’re plumping for a big, defining away win…only cos we really can’t call this…it happens…Swansea 0-2 Coventry

8.00p

Crystal Palace v Portsmouth – Selhurst Park

Pompey fight and bleed and rummage…it’s hard not to tacitly pull for them in these sullen times…Palace have the makings of a good side with Ambrose, Danns, and Speroni…George Burley has quite a bit to prove you would think after setting Scotland football back to the dark ages…Crystal Palace 2-2 Portsmouth

This pre-season ‘feature’ lacks the scope and resources of last time round, but rest assured we thought long and hard about it; questions, quips, and commentary on each Championship club – part one, Barnsley through Leicester:

Barnsley – an unlikely pipeline from South America terminates at Oakwell – the attack-minded Argentinian winger Hugo Colace rejected sexy advances from London to agree a new contract…following him back to off-season training are fellow countryman Jeronimo Morales Neumann, a diminutive striker lured from Estudiantes, along w/ the loan of Diego Arismendi, the Uruguayan international, surplus to immediate Stoke requirements…Mark Robins gets the backing to mould a new side hopeful on cementing a mid-table berth…

Bristol City – Steve Coppell assumes control after a tremendous end to last season under Keith Millen that saw them edge Boro and finish in the top 10…the David James signing represents the biggest shock signing of the off-season – obviously he couldn’t get a tele-working gig elsewhere, making Ashton Gate an attractive alternative for the Devon denizen…also, can Nicky Maynard bag 20 more goals?

Burnley – the only relegated club w/ a decent shout of going straight back up…financial solvency allows for squad continuity, aided by key additions Ross Wallace from Preston and Lee Grant formerly of Sheffield Wednesday…their summer courtship of Hearts winger – and possible Boro target – Andrew Driver wasn’t passionate enough

Cardiff - somehow they continue to receive preferential treatment from HRMC – the winding up order served back in early May was binned after evidence of promised fresh investment from a Malaysian consortium headed by Dato Chan Tien Ghee…it still hasn’t materialised as the club suffer through a stagnant summer, highlighted by the usual frustrations at lack of funds for squad strengthening, as elucidated recently by Michael Chopra…does Dave Jones stick around for another season to patch a fractured and vulnerable side?

Coventry – installed a permanent manager in Aidy Boothroyd…sold Clinton Morrison to Sheffield Wednesday…after recent instability, can the former Watford and Colchester boss instill and inspire a return to modest prosperity?

Crystal Palace – keeping Darren Ambrose whilst successfully navigating administration bother is arguably the coup of the summer…the talismanic winger was atop most Boro wishlists, along w/ other clubs like Celtic and QPR – George Burley was able to woo his former Ipswich player enough to lead a battle for playoff contention…it was expected they’d continue to sell off their best assets, but so far Nathaniel Clyne seems to be the only one assured of a funds-generating move…Julian Speroni stays for now after main admirer Neil Warnock plumped for Paddy Kenny instead

Derby – Nigel Clough did enough this off-season to endanger the squad and potentially invalidate player contracts w/ high-flying cliff diving…passively linked w/ new Celtic striker Gary Hooper during his summer promenade, though one sensed they were never a viable destination…Gary Lineker wannabe Robbie Savage is back to irritate and aggravate for another campaign

Doncaster – a repeat of last year’s success will do just nicely for Sean O’Driscoll’s forward thinking squad…some call it Arsenal-esque, but it has more of the graft and steel required at this level, which makes it something different actually -  call it flowing football with sufficient bite…Billy Sharp has been secured on a permanent basis from Sheffield United – his goals last season kept Rovers relevant, and a fashionable dark horse playoff pick up until a sour patch near the end of the term

Hull  – Nigel Pearson’s appointment was arguably the shock of the summer, trading a perceived glass ceiling at Leicester for the aspirations of rallying and reshaping a tattered, demoted side…Adam Pearson  – no relation that we know of – sure could do with his grit and determination that was a hit w/ Boro fans back in the 90’s…Phil Brown got a bad rap in our book, but his feel-good story devolved into a sad yuckfest forever stamped by the public dressing down at Eastlands on Boxing Day in 2008…and the Jimmy Bullard wank is tireless distraction…

Ipswich – at the end of the day Roy Keane is a fantastic man, but quite possibly a shit gaffer…another stalled start to the season could see him an early favourite for first- manager-sacked honours…meal ticket Connor Wickham is scheduled to miss the first 6 weeks, making the crucial fast start an exceedingly tall task…we’ve them chalked up for an opening loss at the Riverside…

Leeds United – back in the second division of English football after an extended fling w/ League One, the dirty beggars…their ascension does create a spot of Yorkshire derby for Boro, geographically alone now that Newcastle have gone…Jermaine Beckford is off to Everton, but Luciano Becchio, Robert Snodgrass, and Patrick Kisnorbo represent a very good spine when combined with new keeper Kasper Schmeichel…surely a worthy playoff-contention candidate, if not contender for the top two…

Leicester  – the new figure on the on the sidelines may not be as cut and chiseled, but it’s definitely more handsome and fashionable – Paulo Sousa is in for the Foxes after Nigel Pearson’s defection to Humberside…the Portu-geezer inherits a squad capable of his favoured slick-on-the-ground-passing game, allied with an iron will surely still evident despite the change of regime…and no worries about errant French chips in massive penalty shoot-outs; Yann Kermogant has been ordered to fuck off to France to smoke and carouse at AC Arles Avignon…

Do come back for part two featuring inquisitive capsules highlighting Boro and the rest of the Championship field – and if you’re compelled to tell us we’re spouting rubbish, please feel free to comment…

This is from our tea-stained, yellowed-from-chain-fag-smoke handwritten notes:

• Digard not even on the bench – Emnes being marginalized too – the jewels of the 2008 summer transfer window are fading from view
• With so much of the offense channeled through Adam Johnson, how could we even envisage replacing him?
• Danny Butterfield was churned often by Johnno – why didn’t we exploit him more after he picked up a booking?
• Took some time for Isaiah Osbourne to get stuck in – much better in the 2^nd half, winning balls and exerting more attacking pressure
• That old whinger Warnock may be right when boasting of Julian Speroni as best keeper in the division
• Gary Gill says get the ball to the strikers earlier and minimize the gap between midfield and the final third
• 4 on 1 – Leroy Lita had Johnno, Hoyte and Bent caterwauling for the ball, and he goes for glory and pisses all over the best chance of the match
• More corner-related goal gifting: Palace pulsated into a counter attack, Hoyte couldn’t get a head to cross, ball falls for Ambrose…bang…down 1-0
• Square-peggism – Arca on for Hoyte, Rhys Williams to right back, Gary O’Neil moves central, Arca back to the right flank
• Jonathan Franks – on for Lita – spanks a great chance that was saved by Speroni
• Frenetic finish in the 4 minutes of stoppage time, but Boro in the end cannot crack the Crystal Palace conundrum

Forest next on the 21^st…