middlesbroughfcblog.com » dave jones

Championship Picks For Round Eleven

BA — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 06:12:37 +0000

Derby v Southampton and Brighton V Hull highlight the matches on offer this round…

Round 10 results: 6 correct - 1 perfect scoreline

14 Oct 11

7.45p

Doncaster v Leeds – Keepmoat Stadium

Former Wrexham boss Dean Saunders clearly had a vision for how to start the transformation of a sluggish side stuck to the foot of the table. West Ham defender Herita Ilunga and Wigan keeper Chris Kirkland have joined on loan, French defender Pascal Chimbonda was thrown a short-term contract to help resuscitate his career, and there’s talk of more to come. His tactical model is working a treat too; seven points collected from nine, including an impressive away result procured at Peterborough before the break.

The preponderance of current attention focused on Leeds United does not relate to their much improved form on the pitch, but rather the increasingly murky state of club’s ownership. It’s a tale so turbid it prompts one of the game’s top investigators to cross the media conglomerate divide. All it does is fuel more distaste for the dirty bastards…Donny 2-1 Dirty Leeds

15 Oct 11

3.00p

Bristol City v Peterborough – Ashton Gate

In the end it was time for fresh perspective. Keith Millen resigned his post after long, loyal service to the club. The rumoured candidates to assume his seat are varied: Sean O’Driscoll, Mark Robins, Derek McInnes, Dave Jones, but no Jamo. Disappointing, really – the erudite former England number one oozes managerial nous.

For the Posh, the goals have dried up, and losses have mounted – four defeats in their last six see them near the bottom of the form guide. Also on the rise is the ever-bulging number of football personalities getting punishment for tweeting their minds during fits of passion…Bristol City 1-1 Posh

Burnley v Reading – Turf Moor

The Clarets are finally getting going after a stalled start to the campaign; Charlie Austin and Jay Rodriguez are providing the goals propellant – they’ve already combined for 15 in all competitions. Pushing towards the playoffs will depend heavily on the pair continuing to bulge the net.

Reading too are revived after a disjointed start, putting these two clubs on a similar trajectory upwards. The only problem is that Brian McDermott’s side are already supposed to be in the upper echelon. Some of the new faces continue to bed in, while other key figures like Jimmy Kebe recuperate from injury…Burnley 2-0 Reading

Cardiff v Ipswich – Cardiff City Stadium

Both sides sit adjacent in the league table, but Ipswich are surely more buoyant ahead of this crunch clash of promotion hopefuls. The Suffolk side are unbeaten in four matches, with notable results gained against the creme of the division: drawing at Boro, holding off West Ham away, and besting Brighton.

Cardiff entered the international break with an inconsistent run of draw, win, loss – Malky Mackay openly conceded the time was right to take a pause, reassess the plan, and get back to it. Finding some realistic loan talent remains a top priority too…Cardiff 2-2 Town

Coventry v Nottingham Forest – Ricoh Arena

Forest fans feel they have a precious bit of their club back. Former player and manager Frank Clark is the new chairman after owner Nigel Doughty stepped down after the open admission of failure in the Steve McClaren appointment. His first task is to find the new leader to restore confidence and pride at the City Ground. After achieving that, do away with that ridiculous transfer tribunal responsible for driving Billy Davies just a bit more nutso.

Speaking of searching for a new boss, Coventry may want to form an exploratory committee or something, just in case…Coventry 0-1 Forest

Derby v Southampton – Pride Park

This is a tasty tussle between first and third. Never mind the tonking Derby got from Leceister last round, or their slightly worrying form…actually, let’s be concerned. Southampton continue to fly high and are fairly indiscriminate when it comes to goal explosions – Saints have scored at least three goals seven times across all competitions. Their fast start has shown little evidence of fading.

It’s a critical time at Pride Park despite their high place in the table. Nigel Clough needs to protect against Derby’s recent propensity to shrivel after early success. Could be a long day for the home supporters…Derby 1-3 Southampton

Middlesbrough v Millwall – The Riverside

The sensible Boro supporter looks at the calendar, then the table, and then takes another look just to be sure, before nodding approvingly to the lofty position at this juncture. The progress under Tony Mowbray has been so drastic it’s almost immeasurable; one league loss since April, historical away form, and the only Championship club not to see defeat since this season’s inauguration.

Pockets of disapproval still exist within the dias-Boro given the lack of goals over the last three, conveniently bypassing the three clean sheets. They need to take a long look. And then look at Millwall, who’ve scored one league goal in six weeks…Boro 3-1 Millwall

Watford v Crystal Palace – Vicarage Road

Palace have tailed off a bit after their positive start. Still, a draw versus West Ham and an improbable win over their naturalised rivals Brighton over the last two keeps hope alive in south London. The work done by Dougie Freedman and his Boro-tinged staff – Lennie Lawrence and Curtis Fleming – is nothing short of commendable.

The same can be said for the hosts in truth. Sean Dyche continues to focus on separating his side away from the relegation zone. The loan capture of Michael Kightly from Wolves should prove a boost, as long as the oft-injured livewire can stay on the pitch and off the treatment table…Watford 1-1 Palace

West Ham v Blackpool – Upton Park

Big Sam’s benevolence knows no bounds. First, he engineers a sterling scoreless draw against Millwall, knowing a win for either would result in more thuggery and buffoonery, further blighting the English game in the eyes of global spectators. Now he’s keen to share his talent with the lesser-privileged Doncaster. Next up, he’ll mediate between Carlos Tevez and Roberto Mancini, ensuring both parties are heard and understood fairly before brokering a satisfying outcome resulting in all three hitting greater Manchester’s filthiest gentleman’s clubs in a stunningly heartwarming display of multiculturalism.

Good to see Daniel Bogdanovic making the most of a great opportunity with the Tangerines. He bagged two in the recent 5-0 beat down of Bristol City. Ian Holloway just received another strike plaything in the peripatetic Lomana LuaLua, sort of a poor man’s less crazy El-Hadji Diouf…West Sam 3-2 ‘Pool

5.20p

Portsmouth v Barnsley – Fratton Park

Steve Cotterill the top target for Forest? Sure, he knows how to work under de facto transfer embargoes, but does his stint at Notts County completely discredit and disqualify him? Surely he should stay around and see if the new owners really do want to spend some of that money they say they’ve got?

You have to say Barnsley are a form side – unbeaten in their last six, so what if they have 5 draws? If you cannot, at least make sure you don’t lose…Pompey 1-0 Barnsley

Brighton v Hull – Falmer

Another juicy fixture, rivalling Derby/Southampton as best of the round. Brighton haven’t won at home since August – Hull are unbeaten in their last three away from Humberside. The home side are still developing a fortress mentality at their new sponsored-by-a-corporate-whore modern ground.

Nigel Pearson says he content with his side as-is, though one would reckon another goalscorer or two would be welcome additions. A final place in the top six could well come down to goal difference…Brighton 2-1 Hull

16 Oct 11

1.00p

Birmingham v Leicester – St. Andrew’s

It was difficult in the beginning, balancing the rigors of a new, rugged league and the club’s first European foray in nigh on 50 years. Stability, thy name is Chris Hughton. The former Newcastle boss is delivering on both fronts. Brummie aren’t as high up in the table as one who looks to bounce straight back up should be, but with two matches in hand they are stll capable of contending to be at the right end of the table come May.

Leicester expect to be there too. Sven is in fine fettle at the moment as the Foxes have racked up 12 of their 16 points in their last six…Brummies 1-2 Leicester

Being Number One – Charting The Final Top Six In The Championship

BA — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 04:54:19 +0000

Boro’s path to safety has been plotted. It will be another campaign of toil and adversity in the Champo for sure, but some will soon leave out the front and back, while others assume their vacancies at roughly the same juncture. Now it’s an opportunity to rate the promotion favourites to the gilded teat of England’s top football flight apparatus: the Sky/Barclay’s English Premier League.

It’s a cruel line of demarcation for one of our shining beacons of morality and courage, Sven. The following capsule chronicles the run-in for each of the top ten in the table as it stands…

Hull City
League position: 10th – 56 pts
Form: 8th
Remaining fixtures: Millwall, Watford (a), Swansea (a), Doncaster, Boro, QPR (a), Crystal Palace, Bristol City (a)

Three trips away to members of the top six is pretty murderous, though QPR may have promotion sewn up by the time Big Nige rolls up to Loftus Road in round 44…

Watford
League position: 9th – 56 pts
Form: 6th
Remaining fixtures: Coventry (a), Hull, Norwich, Leeds (a), Barnsley, Leicester (a), QPR, Preston (a)

They too could benefit from the league champions easing their push on the accelerator…conversely they could find themselves at Deepdale on the final day witnessing Phil Brown serenading the fans with his own unique rendition of ‘Can’t Help Falling In Love’

Burnley
League position: 8th – 57 pts
Form: 9th
Remaining fixtures: Ipswich, Leicester (a), Forest (a), Swansea, Boro, Derby (a), Portsmouth, Leeds (a), Cardiff

Quite simply it’s the most daunting last three fixtures for any club on this list…the Pompey tilt could be a de facto elimination match for both, with the losers’ promo hopes doused for good

Reading
League position: 7th – 57 pts
Form: 3rd
Remaining fixtures: Portsmouth, Preston, Forest (a), Scunthorpe (a), Leicester, Leeds (a), Sheff Utd, Coventry (a), Derby

Chic pick to break into the top 6 and garner the final slot for ascension back to the Prem…a look at the remaining fixtures explains why: their final three could be the ones en route to League One

Nottingham Forest
League position: 6th – 60 pts
Form: 22nd
Remaining fixtures: Leeds (a), Reading, Burnley, Norwich (a), Leicester, Bristol City (a), Scunthorpe, Crystal Palace (a)

It’s been an awful run of form for the Trees, and failure to navigate the next five matches successfully could consign them to a disappointing mid table finish

Leeds
League position: 5th – 61 pts
Form: 13th
Remaining fixtures: Forest, Millwall (a), Derby (a), Watford, Reading, Crystal Palace (a), Burnley, QPR (a)

Burnley may have the toughest final three, but Dirty Leeds get virtually no respite until the final whistle blows in W12…Watford and Reading coming to Elland Road is a decided advantage this time of year

Cardiff
League position: 4th – 63 pts
Form: 12th
Remaining fixtures: Derby, Doncaster (a), Sheff Utd (a), Portsmouth, QPR, Preston (a), Boro, Burnley (a)

Tony Pulis, master of the obvious…of course Dave Jones is under pressure to earn promotion, that’s what choking and fading down the stretch in recent years fosters…they should be massive favourites for at least 7 of the remaining fixtures

Swansea
League position 3rd – 66 pts
Form: 7th
Remaining fixtures: Preston (a), Norwich, Hull, Burnley (a), Portsmouth (a), Ipswich, Millwall (a), Sheff Utd

It’s the generous final stage for the other Welsh aspirants who want to upgrade their league…an aversion to scoring goals knocked them off-track late last season…they don’t have that problem anymore…

Norwich
League position: 2nd – 67 pts
Form: 5th
Remaining fixtures: Scunthorpe, Swansea (a), Watford (a), Forest, Ipswich (a), Derby, Portsmouth (a), Coventry

We actually picked this lot to finish sixth…Paul Lambert brings indescribable qualities that equate to immediate, constant success…his squad displays a tremendous balance of grit and wisdom, like Grant Holt, melded with technically-proficient forward-thinking attackers

QPR
League position: 1st – 76 pts
Form: 2nd
Remaining fixtures: Sheff Utd, Scunthorpe (a), Barnsley (a), Derby, Cardiff (a), Hull, Watford (a), Leeds

There is a real chance of a home coronation, either after Derby or Hull…whenever it does occur we’ll be spared of the least enthralling end to a romping campaign since Newcastle last year…maybe they’ll league-swap with Fulham?

Based on absolutely nothing other than usual wild conjecture, here’s our final table:

6. Leeds

5. Reading

4. Cardiff

3. Norwich

2. Swansea

1. QPR

QPR and Swansea go up automatically – Norwich defeats Reading in the play-off final to garner consecutive promotions…

Have a go at crafting your own riposte with the power Predictor

Post-Match Fag – Boro 1-0 Cardiff

BA — Sat, 11 Dec 2010 18:25:36 +0000

Symmetrically it was brilliant: second top versus second bottom, a competent away team against a ropey home side, high flying Cardiff visiting low-lying Boro. Realistically it turned into a jolt of good fortune for a club looking desperately for signs of progress – Tony Mowbray showed a nous not recently seen in the home technical area for a potentially landmark result. Match notes/observation/reaction below…

Tony Macca out – Justin Hoyte in at right full back…Seb Hines for the suspended Wheats

Boro XI: Steele, Hoyte, Hines, Bates, Bennett, Thomson, Bailey, GON, Arca, Mac, Emnes

Bates announced as permanent captain…impetus for Gary O’Neil to play well through well-channeled anger?

Cardiff – 19 points out of 30 away…sterling form, especially compared with ours

Hoyte in favour due to his pace…he must assert himself adequately to really wrest the position away from Tony Macca

Emnes w/ a great turn and runs at the defender…stinging shot saved by Marshall

Gilly at right full back the last time Boro beat Cardiff in 1985 at Ayresome…Mogga in the side too

more of the same: Arca pinging quality balls into the box too classy for our attackers

miserable miss from Mac…dragged wide…bobbled off knee/upper leg

Cardiff ‘mean it more’ when attacking

Emnes taken down…should have been a red for Gyepes…Arca converts with ease…Boro 1-0 Cardiff

HT Boro 1-0 Cardiff… with the lead we’re less prone to their counter-attacking ambition…expect a strong response in the second half

Bellamy gives referee Anthony Bates stick for the penna cos he’s from Sunderland, perceiving some sort of Arca-influenced bias…really?

only one man to mark for Hines and Bates – sadly it’s Craig Bellamy and neither of them are that assured in the job…squeeze the space between you and play tighter

Dave Jones erupting in the technical area, melting the snow with his vitriol…strong remonstrating w/ the officials

Boro morphing into a 4-1-4-1 w/ Thommo playing deep and Emnes alone up front

getting ‘tasty…very tasty’ down on the touchlines

Chopra spears into Jason Steele, a clear yellow card, which should be his second, and Dave Jones has the temerity to scream at the fourth official demanding an explanation

4 mins added

attendance – 14250 (505 Cardiff)

GG MOM – Bates

FT Boro 1-0 Cardiff – Emnes – a constant threat..Thommo – tidy…Bailey – put in a shift…GON – tireless

outstanding discipline – remarkable tactically from Mogga – fill the holes, make it tight, not commit too many forward

Mogga – amazing shift – overcame training challenges to execute a flawless game plan – the crowd drags the players on…massive boost – Seb Hines: immaculate…brave, put his head through things – midfield worked their socks off – Doncaster will be another test…string together a few wins and keep taking the new things on

Thommo – delighted, still not 100% – hard rehab work pays off – resolved displayed by Boro commendable – Cardiff full of top players with loads of quality

Julio Arca – still has to look after the knee, requiring a proper cool down after a professional shift – confident about the penalty, and the decision to step up and bang it

Casual Betting Advice For Round 7 Of The Championship

BA — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 04:54:38 +0000

A dire showing midweek: three results correct – zero perfect scores. Back at it for the weekend fixtures…

Friday

7.45p

Doncaster v Leeds United – Keepmoat Stadium

James Coppinger was one of two hat-trick heroes from Tuesday…his treble helped sink Norwich and thrust Donny into the top 6…Leeds need to regroup quickly after the tonking administered at Oakwell…Doncaster 2-1 Leeds United

Saturday

3.00p

Barnsley v Derby – Oakwell

This pair are travelling in different directions – Barnsley is on the ascendancy after a rough start, while Derby rest near the foot of the table…if this lot were limp at Hull, imagine the shellacking they may get here…Barnsley 3-0 Derby

Bristol City v Coventry – Ashton Gate

The change in gaffer hasn’t had the desired stabilising effect for the hosts…another wretched display in the loss to Watford at the Gate…Coventry are still cogitating over bringing in Felonius Punk Marlon King…give him what he wants or he’ll bash ya, cos he’s a millionaire don’t you know? Bristol City 1-1 Coventry

Crystal Palace v Burnley – Selhurst Park

James Vaughan was the other goal machine from earlier this week with his three more nails in the Pompey coffin…just in on loan from Everton, the goal ace has revealed he’d be up for staying on permanently – don’t all players on loan say that to quickly engender themselves? Burnley may be content with a tepid 0-0 based on the lunacy of their last two matches…Crystal Palace 2-1 Burnley

Ipswich v Cardiff – Portman Road

Some speculation out there says Avram Grant will get to enjoy all the religious sabbatical he wants…Dave Jones has surfaced as the current flavour of edible undercrackers being considered by smut lords Sullivan and Gold…there’s a little more money to spend in the East End, and the imagined assembly line of totty available for sampling, if you’re into that sort of thing…Ipswich 1-1 Cardiff

Leicester v QPR – Walkers Stadium

With Cardiff demons freshly exorcised, Paulo Sousa can now look to halting a runaway QPR juggernaut…we want somebody – aside from Port Vale – to please fucking stuff them…Leicester 1-2 QPR

Middlesbrough v Reading – Riverside Stadium

Tarmo! Tarmo! Tarmo! The Estonian livewire singlehandedly eased the mounting pressure on Gordon Strachan and produced an emotion nearly extinct on Teesside: football-based pleasure…another good result against Reading will go a long way to healing the wounds and re-launching a dead-serious promotion push…Boro 1-2 Reading

Millwall v Watford – New Den

We thought the Lions match v Reading was called off or postponed due to endemic hooliganism after spying the 0-0 result…it was Reading keeper Adam Federici going all gymnastic in repelling Steve Morison several times…Scott Loach looks to replicate those heroics…Millwall 4-1 Watford

Preston v Norwich – Deepdale

Nonsense…rubbish…a disgrace…probably a few other choice adjectives were launched as Little Ferg accepted his fine and 3-match touchline ban for naughty language post-Burnley…Paul Lambert hopes his side can profit after getting done by Donny…Preston 1-2 Norwich

Sheffield United v Portsmouth – Bramall Lane

So much for the Gary Speed revival…sugarcoat it all you want, but when the home side ships four goals and scores eff all, that’s a proper banjaxing…fortunately Portsmouth are a panacea for those type of ills…it’s the overused understatement of the century, but Steve Cotterill has got a job on his hands if they’re to stay up…Sheffield Utd 1-0 Portsmouth

Swansea v Scunthorpe – Liberty Stadium

There’s only one Ian Baraclough, there’s only one Ian Baraclough…Scunny ran riot at the Lane, while Darren Pratley and itinerant former Chelsea next-big-thing Scott Sinclair netted for the Swans to keep Coventry at bay…Swansea 3-2 Scunthorpe

5.20p

Hull v The Trees – KC Stadium

Signs of life from the denizens near the Trent, snatching vital away points against woeful Preston…Jimmy Bullard, the formerly quite useful midfield dynamo, took a bow in the destruction of Derby…whether he’s actually part of Nigel Pearson’s plans, or the club is just putting him in the shop window prematurely remains to be seen…Hull 0-0 The Trees

Not Addicted – Casual Betting Advice For Round 4 Of The Championship

BA — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 06:14:33 +0000

This prediction thing is a lark! Six correct results last week – with one score bang on courtesy of those dirty beggars at Leeds United. But anyone can produce a one-time display worthy of respect and adulation, a Julio Arca if you will. Do we have the stones – the desire – the skill, to replicate consistently? Now then, round 4 of the Championship as interpreted by our delusional machinations…

Saturday

3.00p

Barnsley v Middlesbrough – Oakwell

If the Tykes want a cup tie they’re going to get one says Gordon Strachan…Boro continue to tinker with their formations in search of some shape and attacking stability…midfield help is en route from Germany in the form of Hamburg’s itinerant Senegal international Mickael Tavares…Barnsley have yet to live up to early season promise as a playoff contender…Barnsley 1-2 Boro

Derby v QPR – Pride Park

Adel Taarabt is the second coming of Cristiano Ronaldo…Neil Warnock is taking Rangers back to the promised land…they play the most expansive football in the division…blah blah blah…wake us when they’re sweating on the outskirts of the top 6 come March…Derby 2-0 QPR

Doncaster v Hull – Keepmoat Stadium

The home side will take their hammerings, as they did last week in Wales…it proves as no deterrent for the slick brand of football Rovers like to espouse…Nigel Pearson undoubtedly has the resources and nous to stabilize leaky Hull…they strike us as a bit of a wildcard – you don’t quite know what to expect, especially away from home…Doncater 2-1 Hull

Ipswich v Bristol City – Portman Road

Roy certainly is rolling: a bright start to the campaign, currently in fifth position, superfluous Jon pair of Stead and Walters flogged off for needed dosh…a towering dread-locked striker procured from Wigan…things are progressing well for Town…Bristol City are still trying to find their feet after the Coppell disaster as they leak goals at an alarming rate…Ipswich 1-0 Bristol City

Millwall v Coventry – The Den

We reckon Marlon King may not be in the crowd for this one…surely a good kicking awaits if he’s daft enough…the Sky Blues are set for one too as Millwall continue to acclimatize to their new surroundings nicely…Millwall 3-1 Coventry

Nottingham Forest v Norwich – City Ground

Tough sledding for Forest so far…is Billy Davies furtively packing up his things little by little, or will he just sod it all and hope Forest ship his possessions out via courier to his forwarding address on file in human resources? Norwich are off to a flyer like their promoted bretheren…Nottingham Forest 0-0 Norwich

Portsmouth v Cardiff – Fratton Park

Dave Jones has zero sympathy for Pompey…maybe your heart goes into the deep freeze when your club is continually skint, you can’t afford remedial repairs to the pitch, and you’ve personally endured allegations of being dangerous to children? Portsmouth 1-1 Cardiff

Scunthorpe v Crystal Palace – Glanford Park

The Iron will survive if they maintain knocking off the bigger clubs who can’t match their austere and prudent approach to running a football club…Crystal Palace is another prime, attainable target…and Glanford Park can be a fun fortress…Scunthorpe 2-0 Crystal Palace

Sheffield United v Preston – Bramall Lane

Ferg Jr got a much needed result last week v Portsmouth…he’ll lead the Lillywhites into Bramall Lane hoping to extend the Blades early misery, and make the curve for new gaffer Gary Speed noticeably sharper…based on their display at the Riverside – and both teams were culpable – he’s got a job to do…Sheffield United 1-1 Preston

Swansea v Burnley – Liberty Stadium

The Clarets have hit the ground running – as expected in most footballing circles…Swansea’s transition under Brendan Rodgers shouldn’t be a transition at all really since the club was steadfast in appointing a new manager keen on proliferating their patented possession approach…some remain underwhelmed by the Carnlough Mourinho…scalping the visitors could go some way to altering that mindset…Swansea 2-1 Burnley

Watford v Leeds United – Vicarage Road

A top ten tussle in Hertfordshire, though for how long remains to be seen…Malky Mackay has his young tribe overachieving early…Simon Grayson just got attacking reinforcement in the shape of Scotland international striker Ross McCormack…we like the newcomers to nick a jammy win…Watford 0-1 Leeds United

5.20p

Leicester v Reading – The Walkers Stadium

Mouthwatering…sumptuous…eye-catching…adjectives not quite appropriate for these two given their pedigree and level of expectation…still, they’re our tips for fouth and third respectively…if it came down to barnets and overall looks amongst the gaffers the Foxes win every damn time…Leicester 2-1 Reading

Checking In On The Championship – Important Questions and Daft Quips – Part One

BA — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 03:51:17 +0000

Just a little taste. That’s what we have to signal the return of Malaysia’s 4^th most visited Boro supporter site, roused from a summer hibernation forged on rejection, fear, and jealousy. We were going to bin this football nonsense and start blogging on cookery – a sort of reluctantly yuppie take on dinner for two in an urban setting replete w/ full recipes, reactions, and other culinary miscellanea…then we remembered the time the sausage and white bean stew was ruined by the undercooked bangers – just the once, mind – and decreed we were a cack chef.

This pre-season ‘feature’ lacks the scope and resources of last time round, but rest assured we thought long and hard about it; questions, quips, and commentary on each Championship club – part one, Barnsley through Leicester:

Barnsley – an unlikely pipeline from South America terminates at Oakwell – the attack-minded Argentinian winger Hugo Colace rejected sexy advances from London to agree a new contract…following him back to off-season training are fellow countryman Jeronimo Morales Neumann, a diminutive striker lured from Estudiantes, along w/ the loan of Diego Arismendi, the Uruguayan international, surplus to immediate Stoke requirements…Mark Robins gets the backing to mould a new side hopeful on cementing a mid-table berth…

Bristol City – Steve Coppell assumes control after a tremendous end to last season under Keith Millen that saw them edge Boro and finish in the top 10…the David James signing represents the biggest shock signing of the off-season – obviously he couldn’t get a tele-working gig elsewhere, making Ashton Gate an attractive alternative for the Devon denizen…also, can Nicky Maynard bag 20 more goals?

Burnley – the only relegated club w/ a decent shout of going straight back up…financial solvency allows for squad continuity, aided by key additions Ross Wallace from Preston and Lee Grant formerly of Sheffield Wednesday…their summer courtship of Hearts winger – and possible Boro target – Andrew Driver wasn’t passionate enough

Cardiff - somehow they continue to receive preferential treatment from HRMC – the winding up order served back in early May was binned after evidence of promised fresh investment from a Malaysian consortium headed by Dato Chan Tien Ghee…it still hasn’t materialised as the club suffer through a stagnant summer, highlighted by the usual frustrations at lack of funds for squad strengthening, as elucidated recently by Michael Chopra…does Dave Jones stick around for another season to patch a fractured and vulnerable side?

Coventry – installed a permanent manager in Aidy Boothroyd…sold Clinton Morrison to Sheffield Wednesday…after recent instability, can the former Watford and Colchester boss instill and inspire a return to modest prosperity?

Crystal Palace – keeping Darren Ambrose whilst successfully navigating administration bother is arguably the coup of the summer…the talismanic winger was atop most Boro wishlists, along w/ other clubs like Celtic and QPR – George Burley was able to woo his former Ipswich player enough to lead a battle for playoff contention…it was expected they’d continue to sell off their best assets, but so far Nathaniel Clyne seems to be the only one assured of a funds-generating move…Julian Speroni stays for now after main admirer Neil Warnock plumped for Paddy Kenny instead

Derby – Nigel Clough did enough this off-season to endanger the squad and potentially invalidate player contracts w/ high-flying cliff diving…passively linked w/ new Celtic striker Gary Hooper during his summer promenade, though one sensed they were never a viable destination…Gary Lineker wannabe Robbie Savage is back to irritate and aggravate for another campaign

Doncaster – a repeat of last year’s success will do just nicely for Sean O’Driscoll’s forward thinking squad…some call it Arsenal-esque, but it has more of the graft and steel required at this level, which makes it something different actually - call it flowing football with sufficient bite…Billy Sharp has been secured on a permanent basis from Sheffield United – his goals last season kept Rovers relevant, and a fashionable dark horse playoff pick up until a sour patch near the end of the term

Hull – Nigel Pearson’s appointment was arguably the shock of the summer, trading a perceived glass ceiling at Leicester for the aspirations of rallying and reshaping a tattered, demoted side…Adam Pearson – no relation that we know of – sure could do with his grit and determination that was a hit w/ Boro fans back in the 90’s…Phil Brown got a bad rap in our book, but his feel-good story devolved into a sad yuckfest forever stamped by the public dressing down at Eastlands on Boxing Day in 2008…and the Jimmy Bullard wank is tireless distraction…

Ipswich – at the end of the day Roy Keane is a fantastic man, but quite possibly a shit gaffer…another stalled start to the season could see him an early favourite for first- manager-sacked honours…meal ticket Connor Wickham is scheduled to miss the first 6 weeks, making the crucial fast start an exceedingly tall task…we’ve them chalked up for an opening loss at the Riverside…

Leeds United – back in the second division of English football after an extended fling w/ League One, the dirty beggars…their ascension does create a spot of Yorkshire derby for Boro, geographically alone now that Newcastle have gone…Jermaine Beckford is off to Everton, but Luciano Becchio, Robert Snodgrass, and Patrick Kisnorbo represent a very good spine when combined with new keeper Kasper Schmeichel…surely a worthy playoff-contention candidate, if not contender for the top two…

Leicester – the new figure on the on the sidelines may not be as cut and chiseled, but it’s definitely more handsome and fashionable – Paulo Sousa is in for the Foxes after Nigel Pearson’s defection to Humberside…the Portu-geezer inherits a squad capable of his favoured slick-on-the-ground-passing game, allied with an iron will surely still evident despite the change of regime…and no worries about errant French chips in massive penalty shoot-outs; Yann Kermogant has been ordered to fuck off to France to smoke and carouse at AC Arles Avignon…

Do come back for part two featuring inquisitive capsules highlighting Boro and the rest of the Championship field – and if you’re compelled to tell us we’re spouting rubbish, please feel free to comment…

Has It Come To This? Resignation Prevails Over Immediate Boro Future

BA — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 04:30:57 +0000

Middlesbrough will be playing in the Championship next season. And it’s all part of the apparent 2 year promotion plan the club claims it’s been following all along. Year one ostensibly for protracted deliberation over who was to blame for the relegation mess, and year two to survive on the last parachute payment and re-mould a side in the new gaffer’s image that is willing and capable of sustaining a promotion bid. If the plan works is immaterial because it’s the least expected by an increasingly irritated fan base. The clandestine time line is what’s so incendiary. Betrayed by blind faith again…

Saturday heralded another despondent performance in an ever-diminishing string of must-win matches absolutely required to stay in this current playoff hunt. Defeat at Cardiff expanded the gap between Boro and 6^th place by 5 points – and the Bluebirds still have two games in hand. Some openly dream of more HMRC bother for the Welsh club that would tragically result in a points deduction. Others sit expectantly for their ‘annual playoff bottle job’. Whatever happens to Dave Jones and his players they will remain a constant reminder of our own failures and deficiencies.

For reasons unknown to us – and the players themselves per David Wheater in his post-match interview – Boro failed to turn on at the outset and seize upon their vulnerable hosts. Chairman and manager at loggerheads. Haven’t won in 3 matches. Missing SIX first team regulars. Without a financial pot to piss in. We were the quick tonic as Jay Bothroyd exploited a dazed defence to tap in the only goal 3 minutes from the opening whistle. The uphill slog was too great. The frenzied approach adopted in the second half proved entertaining and promising, but ultimately unfulfilling. All the hard work and endeavour punished by a disallowed goal – David Wheater’s leveler in the 60^th minute negated for an incredulous hand ball on Leroy Lita. The supposition from the linesman who commanded the call being LL knocked it on w/ his hand before Wheats rose to deposit in the net. No ebullient remonstrating after the match though from Gordo – his busy paw should have never been up to begin with…

We tapped into the state-of-the-art media installations at the new Cardiff City Stadium and followed the live blog w/ AV – aural fixation quenched w/ a vociferous dose of an Ali GG Snakebite. We took notes whilst thinking what Betsan Powys was up to:

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Flood, O’Neil, Robson, Arca; Aliadiere, Lita

Nothing inspiring about the starting XI – no Mac or Killen – the size of Lee Miller wasted again on the bench
Cardiff ease their tumult in early fashion – some woeful Boro defending allows Gabor Gyepes to nod on a lofted cross from Darcy Blake on the left – Jay Bothroyd is at the far post to tap in – Cardiff 1-0 Boro – 3 minutes
Early haze fuelled by the opener – Boro produce nothing attacking for the first 17 minutes or so – ‘haven’t done enough’ says the expert summariser Gary Gill
Andrew Taylor back in the side – his alert header in a recovery role on 35 minutes does just enough to stifle another home side attack punctuated by a lurking Chris Burke
We have been total shit – paraphrasing of course…
Leroy Lita is actually finding himself in interesting positions, but this sortie ends immediately upon conceding possession far too easily deep in the Bluebirds box
Chris Killen made it back from the Rose Bowl! He joins the action on 40 minutes as Jeremie Aliadiere makes way…his injury should be historically viewed as irrelevant to the change as he too is complete cack
Penalty karma still on the side of the Boro late on in the first half – Chris Burke terrorises again, brought down flagrantly by GON – a certain pen…of course he sees a yellow card for simulation…what anti-Teesside bias?
HT – Cardiff 1-0 Boro
Mark Drury’s report includes ‘anemic display’…’lacking vitality’…get those men some vitamin boost and/or some of those instant hard-on pills
The JA injury – later revealed as a broken toe – was appropriated by none other than Stephen McManus
GG – tell the players again that there is an awful lot at stake today…roll up your sleeves and have a go…show us it means something to you…a loss today signals the end of realistic playoff ambitions
Last Boro win in Cardiff? 1970 – a 4-3 result…this is the first visit to the new Cardiff City Stadium
Boro start the half brightly – Tayls provides a decent ball into the box for LL, but alas he only scores w/ the little head between his legs – this effort from 7 yards is criminally off target
Our Iron Man Willo pulls up lame – some left knee knack for the Irishman – he eventually comes off to end string of 10 straight matches playing the full 90 – Rhys Williams replaces him for his first action since Boxing Day – 52 minutes
Boro get their leveler!! David Wheater heads home after a Barry Robson free kick…until the linesman spots an incredulous hand ball offense on LL and waves it off…ludicrous
More from GG re: the disallowed goal – this ridiculous linesman spots a hand ball from 35 yards away, in a crowd of players? The referee has to be in a better position
Yellow card madness ensued – Robbo picked up one with – after much back and forth and questionable confirmation – Leroy Lita
The little striker links again w/ Tayls – LL fed deep, rolling Anthony Gerrard and compelling a reflex save from David Marshall
Robbo robbed – GON crosses nicely and it’s a crisp strike – important save from Marshall
Killen next! A looping header the end result of a ball from the right delivered by Kyle Naughton – tipped away
More Marshall heroics: GON has a go from a free kick 40 yards out – it dips and swerves towards the open net until the last moment – what a half from a man jettisoned to Norwich when Gordo gaffered up north
FT – Cardiff 1-0 Boro
GG MOM – Barry Robson
It was a ‘lunatic linesman’ robbing us of a point, at least – so many chances in that second half – Cardiff were rocking and there for the taking
Mark Drury w/ Wheats post match: we don’t know why we can’t string 2 good halves together – attitude toward the playoffs is still positive…it has to be
Final thoughts from GG: we are competing at this level, just not scoring the goals to back it up – Scott McDonald will get those goals – is there enough time for him to make an impact

7000 tits from Newcastle shall be on display Saturday in what could be the last Tees-Tyne derby for some time…