The run up to the next installment of the Tyne-Tees derby evokes unconceivable pain. Newcastle is going straight back up to the Premier League, rendering all the pleasure and consolation derived from mutual relegation quite nugatory. Who went back up the quickest was always meant to trump any of the casual prodding doled out to the Geordies who thought they were too big to fail. Our prognostications – historically miles off as they are – had us finishing second and gaining automatic promotion. For what it’s worth, Cardiff won the league and Forest the playoffs in our pre-season predictor. That 33% success rate would place us ahead of the two most recent gaffers…maybe it isn’t so hopeless after all?

Our Arsenal supporting mate had all sorts of unsavoury things to say after we procured the services one Tuncay Sanli back in the summer of 2007. He instantly became a personal favourite after this ever-so-reliable scouting tool tantalysed us with unyielding class. The parochial miasma subsided enough since those halcyon days to make us at least tacitly agree w/ some of those nasty assertions – the Turk and his people are suing the club for lack of payment over perceived image rights totaling somewhere in the neighbourhood of £544,000…fucking Ricardo Fuller understudy!

The Willo Flood Appreciation Society is in tatters – the Irish terrier is set for a spell on the sidelines w/ a knee issue suffered at Cardiff. Fortunately Rhys Williams is back after a pelvic injury, so expect him to be thrust into the vacated position in the Boro midfield…

Gary O’Neil reckons we can still negotiate the warren separating us from the current playoff positions…a bit early for that Thursday rally war cry, eh?

Nickname(s): The Lilywhites, Northenders, PNE

Ground: Deepdale

From Boro: a circuitous 138 miles – the drive plunges south of Leeds/Bradford, through Rochdale, Bury and Bolton

Kit: circa 2006-2009 Bolton-esque…plus, didn’t Canterbury go under?

The Original Invincibles: Arsenal did it more recently, but PNE was the first to go a whole season undefeated…in 1888-89, which incidentally is when they recorded the first double in history, blazing the FA Cup as well…a club truly ahead of their time!

Deepdale Idiosyncrasies: former manager Paul Simpson was pilloried for banning this at the ground in August 2007…the fans singing it, not The King, cos he’s dead…Simpson tried to allay it w/ this: ‘I don’t know whose idea this song is at the start, because it seems to put everyone in a bit of a depression. We have to make sure we get something which the players respond to and go out and perform and the fans respond to as well. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we are losing games because of that song. But we have to do whatever we can to generate an atmosphere’…he was sacked 3 months later