Leroy Lita: for reasons still unknown, newly promoted Swansea want an ex-Boro powered strike force to see them through…an original offer of £500,000 was beat back recently, and rightly so…Lethal has thrived under Mogga…and QPR were gonna pay at least three times that amount back in January…fuck off Huw

Marvin Emnes: one landmark goal in a South Wales derby and we’ll never hear the fucking end of it…Brendan Rodgers really fancies our dreadlocked Dutchie, who should have never went on loan there in the first place…it would take a remarkable offer to let him leave…something close to the £3.2m we forked over to Rotterdam

Andrew Taylor: the veracity of this one is in question…it’s only been resurrected cos Malky Mackay got the Cardiff job, and ostensibly would have more dosh to fill his Tayls-shaped ambition, but aren’t Cardiff a financial mess? it’s no matter, Mogga loves the lad and really wants him to sign a new deal before 30 June 11

Julio Arca: it was an anti-climactic exit for the Argie…he hobbled off to his homeland for a knee procedure before the close of the season…his Supporter’s Player of the Year award was accepted remotely, and there’s certain resignation that he’s determined to find a last deserved payday…as long as it’s not at Wigan

Rhys Williams: casual rumours at the surface, nothing more…there’s the longstanding interest from Owen Coyle…the wild machinations that Arsenal is in for him, willing to come north for a money-spinning friendly as part of any deal…any offer would have to be gobsmacking, with sufficient sell on clauses and escalators

Matthew Bates: I think this was the product of Paylor playing with his meds…there is no evidence of any such activity in this virus ridden receptacle of news and links…plus, who wants a permacrocked is-he-a-defender-or-midfielder insurance liability?

Scott McDonald: it’s fairly surprising there hasn’t been more – hell, any – interest in the diminutive down under striker…14 goals in 36 appearances in all competitions is positively prolific given Boro’s lack of reliable scorers the past few seasons…it’s the prohibitive wages that outstrip his commendable work rate and exceptional technique

Kris Boyd: the cinderblock hanging round our neck…his departure could fund several financially responsible additions, but the only real suitor is a club who now got rid of the gaffer who pushed to make a move for him in the first fucking place…hot European gaffer import Steve McLaren could resort to him as a permanent replacement for Dele Adebola or Robert Earnshaw…but could we bear sending him someplace where his inevitable goals could adversely affect our own objective of finally earning promotion? if only someone could persuade him that these endless offers from Turkey actually include delicious, savoury turkey…

We enjoyed the usual feast consisting of a battered, deep-fried live blog escalope served w/ a hearty portion of chipped BBC Radio Tees…satisfying post-meal fag optional…

Jones; Hoyte, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Robson, O’Neil, Williams, Franks; McDonald, Killen

• ‘Cracking day for a match’ according to the broadcast team
• Palace an old side – 5 players over age 30
• Alan Lee opens the action on 5 minutes by smashing the post! The well-proportioned Irish striker – long a target in eyes of this blog – romps forward and cuts inside of Wheats to unleash a screamer that left Brad Jones flailing…
• Boro fashion a lead out of nothing: Gary O’Neil is unlocked down the right channel by a terrific ball from Justin Hoyte – he squares the ball to Scott McDonald who taps it in – Boro 1-0 Palace
• ‘The intelligence of Gary O’Neil’ crafted that goal says GG…a real poacher’s finish…proper strikers goal
• Time to raise the intensity after the goal – apply more pressure
• Everyone has a hearty laugh at Jay O’Shea’s banana-like boots…ah, hazing the new fish
• Great linkage between the midfield and attack, notably GON and Mac
• Mark Drury checks in pitchside w/ the latest instructions from the gaffer: take on the fullbacks – Ertl is a centre back and Matt Lawrence just arrived – get wide and test them
• AV confirmed the latest in a string of denied stonewall pens – Mac got to long ball over the top – Paddy McCarthy defends it sloppily, though not enough to stimulate referee Graham Salisbury…did he not see Paddy tugging him down?
• Andrew Taylor limps off after re-aggravating one of his seemingly many maladies…Kyle Naughton replaces him on 42 minutes
• Gordo remonstrating w/ the fourth official over the missed penalty call – the deep frustration surrenders to unlikely laughter
• The comic relief is short-lived as Palace get an equalizer deep into stoppage time – Alan Lee operated freely on the left to pick out Alassane N’Diaye – the young Frenchman finished w/ a fancy header from 12 yards out – Boro 1-1 Palace
• ‘Poor goal…good header’ is the supposition from above
• HT Boro 1-1 Palace
• Poor time and manner in which to concede – forces us to do something creative in the second half
• interval repast: tea/fags/Sports section of local rag
• Gary Gill begs of Justin Hoyte: ‘have a bit more belief son…use your pace…’
• Robbo tells everyone – probably in a menacing way – just calm down a little bit after a frantic spell
• Attendance – 18,028 (459 from Croydon)
• Palace defender Claude Davis suffers from karmic retribution after suspected hand ball  and a terrible lumbering foul on Leroy Lita…Robbo poleaxing him moments later offers a measure of justice…Ali thinks it’ll ‘clear his head…when he finds it…’. Boom!
• Jonathan Franks is a key ingredient in this Boro surge – he’s finding space down the left and working hard to provide good crosses – the peach he stood up at the back post for Mac – the header is looped over Julian Speroni and onto his net…later he switches up w/ substitute Jay O’Shea and buzzes down the right
• Despite all the turmoil – remember, Palace would be battling w/ us for playoff positioning if not for their points deduction – the visitors lay claim to the 3rd best away record in the league…with a point already secured will they blag a win?
• 3 minutes added
• GG MOM – Jonathan Franks
• FT Boro 1-1 Crystal Palace
• 10 unbeaten at home, but ultimately not good enough – feels like a draw should: 2 points wasted instead of 1 gained
• The body language of the players trudging off the pitch confirms as much – it wasn’t an overly-physical affair and the conditions were more than acceptable – this dejection comes from within the team
• Paul Hart brought a resolute, compact, and organised side to our place…eerily similar to the Pompey match last spring when we desperately needed something then too…what ever could be the correlation?
• Gordo has the last words: we lacked in bravery – mentally – not a strong enough performance – this he feels is the most dominant performance of since his arrival, inferring it to be better than Newcastle a few weeks back – quality and imagination were the key missing factors

Cheers to the lads in the virtual end for being our conduit to the match Tuesday - our latent paranoia had the boss increasingly leery of the note-scribbling and fierce application-toggling on the work PC during Derby, so we experimented w/ an unfiltered micro-blogesque approach on the mobile: 

Jones/Hoyte/Wheats/Mick/Pogi/Franks/Robbo/Rhys/Bennett/Miller/Killen

• Cameron Park on the bench
• No Mac or GON
• Tight hamstring for Mac – not too serious
• SSL roundly booed on first touch
• Wheats header – 3 mins – from Robbo cross…harmlessly over…
• 12 mins – not much happening @ all
• Miller goes close on 15…square pass from Franks foraging down the right…shot goes wide
• 23 mins – 2nd hand ball call - Robbo before the Wallace free kick…Killen this time
• PNE pen shout as Mick floored a tricking Wallace near 20 mins
• GOAL – Killen from a Robbo beauty cross – off the post – 29 mins…
• BBC gossip says he wants to stay also…
• YC Darren Carter – 31 mins
• YC Ross Wallace – 32 mins
• YC Mick – 40 mins
• Wallace dangerous w/ pace and flair + the thumping free kicks
• HT Boro 1-0 PNE
• 2nd half – Bennett off – Naughton on
• Other scores: Pool tonking Swansea/Brizzle Barnsley goal explosion/Toon up on Donny/Plymouth over Town/Scunny murdering Posh 4 nil
• Boro start brightly: Franks/Naughton/Wheats all have a go @ A Lonergan early in the half
• B Jones winning them back? Early fave for MOM 2nd match running…
• Pogi off – Tayls on – 58 mins
• Brown and Hart off – Jones/Parkin on – 63 mins…will we weather a tactical change from the opposition?
• Att – 16794 (560 away)
• Miller dreadful at holding up the long balls we’ve been reduced to…he’s off – LL on – 71 mins
• Another PNE pen shout waved off? Mick foul on Carter? Away fans go mental…
• 3 mins added
• GG MOM – B Jones
• GOAL – Boro kill it off – Franks tucks it in after a hilarious mishit clearance from SSL - Boro 2-0 PNE
• FT Boro 2-0 PNE

Gordo said post match that sometimes it has nothing to do with football – doubtful he said as much during a reportedly blistering half-time bollocking. The following performance and result – coupled w/ the outcomes of other fixtures – ensured the visit to Vicarage Road is as must-win as the last. Jay O’Shea is in on loan from Birmingham City and goes straight into the squad. Serendipitous on two fronts: Gordo is maintaining his och-aye ties w/ countryman  Alex McLeish – and the Irish lad was a rumoured target of Gaz. Alas,  pipped again by a club consolidating in the Prem positions we used to occupy…

Additionally there’s the specter of wasting glorious opportunities to close ground on 6^th place. Cardiff are in anticipated freefall…Blackpool stuttered at The Hawthorns…Sheffield United and new entry Coventry drew at the weekend. At the risk of getting all revisionist, if Leroy Lita operates within the confines of normal football convention and plays to the whistle at Forest, and keeps his hand out of the flight path of an incoming ball, we’d be sat on 50 points w/ those Bluebirds and Tangerines. Bollocks to lessons learned. We have to be better. It’s that sort of brutal candour from the gaffer that will revive the culture and move this club on.

It was a multi-partner fete last match day. AV and the lads on the live blog to start…a sampling of the seductive duo of Alistair Brownlee and Gary Gill…then a final carnal pleasure: live streaming video scrambled from the Middle East. It was all quite tasteful and satisfying…

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Robson, O’Neil, Williams, Arca; Killen, McDonald

• Mac is back – received the full spa treatment at Hurworth: injections, massages, aromatherapy, nonsensical new age music, and an overload of vitamin A
• His resiliency is tested early on – 2 mins in he’s elbowed by Coloccini whilst chasing a ball in the Geordie box – shouts for a penalty are waved away
• Toon have only won once away from home since December – at Vicarage Road against Watford on 27 Feb 10
• Mark Drury on the first 15: we’re competitive – fancying our chances against a reshuffled back four
• Newcastle get the opener after doing eff all so far – Gutierrez slots a ball through our central defenders and Peter Lovenkrands gets on the end and coolly slots home from 12 yards – Boro 0-1 Newcastle – 16 mins
• Wheats caught flat-footed on the ball that led to the goal – would prove to be an ambivalent day for the lad
• Gordon Strachan imploring Chris Killen to do more than look big – our full-backs are doing the job getting the ball in – he has to do better to hold up play
• First real chance for Boro – from a free kick Barry Robson unleashes an absolute thunderbolt – Steve Harper elongates to deny the Scot
• This is the 116^th meeting in the Tyne-Tees derby – Toon still edging it w/ 45 wins to Boro’s 35…26 draws for those liberal arts majors out there
• What a fantastic goal! Barry Robson – a name fast becoming synonymous with Teesside quality – with a stunner that reduces Steve Harper to spectator – from 20 yards out he arrows it inside the goal into the side netting – Boro 1-1 Newcastle – 36 mins
• More on the goal which conjured ‘absolute ecstasy’: not much back lift on the strike, and as he cut in it was doubtful he’d have a pop – a superlative strike
• Gary Gill wonders aloud, ‘did Pancrate really play for Paris Saint-Germain?’ Ali replies tersely, ‘allegedly’…keep those boys off the ale!
• Andrew Taylor so far: rather effective…
• Attendance – 27347 – (3743 Jawdees)
• HT – Boro 1-1 Newcastle
• GG says: we’ve been unconvincing defensively – haven’t dealt well w/ mazy runs from Lovenkrands, as evidenced by their goal – overall we’re the better side to this point
• The Riverside has been a cauldron thus far – the unveiling of a brilliant Trophy Virgins banner from the Red Faction has increased the steam
• Julio Arca feels it – the man quite familiar w/ north east derbies – gallops onto a delicious ball from GON down the left channel – his shot is smothered by Harper and out for a corner – just needed the same kind of flick his fellow countryman uses every now and then
• 67 minutes – more audacity from Arca as he intercepts a poor clearance and bursts forward for a shot – over, but encouraging
• Scott McDonald’s fitness levels aren’t a concern at all – he’s everywhere…Killen improving too
• Account opened! From a Robson free kick on the right – Killen climbs and nods it back across the box – Mac is there to swivel and score from inside the 6 – a lovely finish under duress – Boro 2-1 Newcastle
• Wheats cancels out an onrushing Leon Best in the 79^th minute – a superb sliding challenge…the highlight of a lackluster display
• Lacklustre what? Andy Carroll displays the kind of form that has historically killed us…in the reserves – he grabs and guides a cross from Tamas Kadar w/ his left boot, past a forlorn Danny Coyne – Boro 2-2 Newcastle
• Carroll gets a chance to blag a winner – Stephen McManus present to stifle a decent scoring opportunity – 86 mins
• Killen and his substitute, Lee Miller, draw the ire of the referee w/ their imposing and physical play
• 4 mins added
• GG MOM – Scott McDonald
• FT Boro 2-2 Newcastle
• Post match brief: ‘a real, real shame’…’the best performance under Gordon Strachan’, asserts Mark Drury

Derby – County that is – away on Tuesday…will results continue to go our way? Can we take advantage?

The run up to the next installment of the Tyne-Tees derby evokes unconceivable pain. Newcastle is going straight back up to the Premier League, rendering all the pleasure and consolation derived from mutual relegation quite nugatory. Who went back up the quickest was always meant to trump any of the casual prodding doled out to the Geordies who thought they were too big to fail. Our prognostications – historically miles off as they are – had us finishing second and gaining automatic promotion. For what it’s worth, Cardiff won the league and Forest the playoffs in our pre-season predictor. That 33% success rate would place us ahead of the two most recent gaffers…maybe it isn’t so hopeless after all?

Our Arsenal supporting mate had all sorts of unsavoury things to say after we procured the services one Tuncay Sanli back in the summer of 2007. He instantly became a personal favourite after this ever-so-reliable scouting tool tantalysed us with unyielding class. The parochial miasma subsided enough since those halcyon days to make us at least tacitly agree w/ some of those nasty assertions – the Turk and his people are suing the club for lack of payment over perceived image rights totaling somewhere in the neighbourhood of £544,000…fucking Ricardo Fuller understudy!

The Willo Flood Appreciation Society is in tatters – the Irish terrier is set for a spell on the sidelines w/ a knee issue suffered at Cardiff. Fortunately Rhys Williams is back after a pelvic injury, so expect him to be thrust into the vacated position in the Boro midfield…

Gary O’Neil reckons we can still negotiate the warren separating us from the current playoff positions…a bit early for that Thursday rally war cry, eh?

Overwhelmingly it’s clear that Gordon Strachan was a tad off on his assessment of the outfit he was handed down, and Steve Gibson/Keith Lamb may have been negligent in not acknowledging any readiness factor – simply put: can this guy win with what we have here, and if not, how much cash/time will it take to make changes? The answers remain nebulous, but the provident spend on the new bunch, coupled with certainty of existing squad members being sold infer a true direction.

Eric Paylor thinks the embryo is healthy and positive…

AV is keen to impress that this is our new level – everyone is for sale, and we sink into the more defined position of a feeder for bigger clubs, only able to exploit smaller, more vulnerable ones…

Change can be fun and exciting – the only attitude really as middlesbroughfcblog.com enters into a ground share w/ a non-footballing entity – Welcome to Steele Indian Park!

The Gareth Southgate Memorial Starting XI included Julio Arca in the right midfield role, and Emanuel Pogatetz, making his return after 6 months out following knee surgery, at left-back. Arca RM and the Mad Dog LB. Oh dear. Arca astoundingly exceeded expectations, providing stability on the right and delivering a succession of good crosses – the best of the lot being a glorious needle that Marcus Bent should have buried…

Other notes gleaned from our live multi-pronged broadcasting attack:

• The Arca RM experiment would work better if Justin Hoyte occasionally used his biggest strength, pace, to bomb down the right flank

• No Joe Bennett…anywhere

• GS2 quite animated early on in the technical area – gesticulating to Arca, and imploring Marvin Emnes to be less mobile…huh?

• Plymouth are very organized on the counter-attack, and they’re producing enough of them to harangue the Boro defence

• Horrific injury to Pogi – he clashed heads w/ Argyle defender David Gray and lay supine for several minutes, ultimately stretchered off – the initial prognosis is 6 weeks off after recent cheekbone surgery

• Marcus Bent made a fist of it in his 45 minute debut, but his lack of match fitness prevented the kind of fluidity and brawn that punctuates his game

• Was Wheater woeful in defending the attack that produced the goal? We lacked any visuals, and Ali seemingly sugar-coated it and highlighted the deft finish from Jamie Mackie

• And in the tradition of his Stewart Downing emulation, Adam Johnson was atrocious in his penalty attempt that could have salvaged a point – Sean St Ledger was imperious in pillaging forward to earn it, but after the earlier miss at Scunny it must be time Johnno relinquished those duties

Another week with his new boys, more time for Gordo to imprint his brand of football on these impressionable minds…

Here’s the tentative schedule for events this coming weekend:

• Strachan introduced at Hurworth most likely tomorrow
• Colin Cooper acts as caretaker for Preston away on Saturday
• Strachan observes from the stands and takes official control Monday

Number 7 on Gibbo’s speed dial, Anthony Vickers, has this situation in his pocket – Eric Paylor has a more multimedia go at the news and subsequent reaction…

Time for a quick review of all the pertinent happenings:

The club was fortunate to have limited exposure to those invariable international-duty injuries. Sean St Ledger was most prominent, putting in two full shifts for the Republic of Ireland…the crest of which was his horizontally headed goal late on v Italy, momentarily taking the Irish top of their group and on to South Africa. Momentarily mind, for the on loan centre-back was at the center of the defensive lapse which allowed the Italians to strike late and earn the draw that cemented the invitation to defend their crown. Ireland clinched a in the controversially seeded playoff berth. We always knew we’d have at least a couple of internationally seasoned centre-backs, but surely David Wheater was expected to be the other one. Elsewhere, Rhys Williams travelled thousands of miles for fuck all…not even a kick in the Socceroos friendly v the Netherlands and Asian Cup qualifier v Oman. A full psych panel is ordered upon his return to Teesside…

The Talking Boro panel reemerges to pick over the carrion of the first quarter season down Championship way…the setting and presentation improves, but overall the production values remain woeful…

Gaz was under the hot lights of the Hurworth canteen whilst Eric Paylor played Bad Cop Worse Cop…

The Adam Johnson situation needs sorting…quick

So that’s where Gary O’Neil naffs off to when Pompey or some other emotionally stimulating opponent is on the docket…

There’s so much more we’re sure, but the yearning was too much…we shut down for spells, our minds happily wandered. The focus has returned though…it never really went anywhere…the Watford/Derby home double awaits…

The penultimate matches in each of Gareth Southgate’s first two seasons have seen Boro bounce to safety. Even the most fortuitous of results for the hosts will be insufficient to reach that plateau – Boro need points AND assistance to exit the dungeon. Pragmatically, there can be no hope – it’s only the math that gives us any soupcon of survival. Tactically, we’ve regressed more – injuries alone cannot excuse the downright baffling team selection last Monday; some saw a teamsheet, others a suicide note. Even more difficult to swallow for the supporters is the near certainty of GS being the man tasked w/ returning Boro to the top flight should relegation occur. The facade is firm and unrelenting – this sort of conviction only comes from a bloke who knows he’s infallible in the boardroom’s eyes.

The reddest of Boro-tinged lens can’t even fathom or justify an escape route. We can only pray that plan B, the one that should be on the table and ready for execution, is not as hapless and forlorn as the failed blueprint followed to a point this campaign