FIFA missed a gilt-edged opportunity to enliven the draw and make it more a media sensation: instead of drawing from pots, the orbs could have been strategically placed about the undraped and vulnerable form of hostess Charlize Theron a la naked sushi fetes in swanky locales like South Beach. What better way to further illustrate the natural splendor of the host republic? Also, it would have done the job to cleanse our palette that is still fouled by the imagery of this…

Group A: South Africa/Mexico/Uruguay/France – the insipid performance of the French at Euro 2008, coupled w/ the difficulty in actually qualifying for the event, may herald the official demise of the golden generation, but until otherwise France remains in that group w/ Germany, Italy, Brazil, and Argentina that, no matter what their form or world ranking, should be wagered against at your own peril – France/Mexico advance

Group B: Argentina/Nigeria/South Korea/Greece – Maradona has ample opportunity to balls this up; hard to see how he can select a hard 23 man squad for up to a month when he called up over 70 during qualifying…did we mention Diego didn’t take over until after the campaign had started? Argentina/Greece advance

Group C: England/United States/Algeria/Slovenia – the jingoistic English press was jubilant at the draw – Wazza couldn’t be bothered – did he have his chips before bed at least? Brown sauce?? England will walk this group, and the US might have their aspirations of advancement quashed quicker than in 2006 – England/Slovenia advance

Group D: Germany/Australia/Ghana/Serbia – eff Group G being anointed the dreaded Group of Death; this is the tastiest on offer – can Oz duplicate their courageous efforts from last time round? Ghana have the class and skill to carry the continental torch – do they have the bottle? Serbia is being woefully underrated early doors too – and Germany – see France above – Germany/Ghana advance

Group E: Holland/Japan/Cameroon/Denmark – there is absolutely nothing to make us think this won’t be the most entertaining group, dreary Danes aside – Paul Le Guen has Lions Imdomptables organised after a shaky start to qualifying – Japan play w/ kamikaze abandon – Holland are imperious, and they have the shekshi-est kits in world football – Denmark are the steel of the group – Holland/Denmark advance

Group F: Italy/Paraguay/New Zealand/Slovakia – tame and imbalanced upon initial views – Italy are Italy, and defending champions – Paraguay finished 3^rd in CONMEBOL, but tied w/ Chile for most victories – NZ might be better off sending the All Blacks – no love for Slovakia, even though they topped their Euro group…which included San Marino and Northern Ireland – Italy/Paraguay advance

Group G: Brazil/DPR Korea/Ivory Coast/Portugal – enough already about the top 3 (and one cheating diving cunt – NOT Drogba!)of the group – did you know that the DPR Korea national side nickname is Chollima? the mythical horse of Siberian/Central Asia origins is said to be too swift to be mounted – Brazil/Portugal advance

Group H: Spain/Honduras/Chile/Switzerland – some fine cuisine going on there: 3 variations of the empanada!! fondue looks absolutely pedestrian against that  – look closer though and realise that Spain are arguably the best team in the world at the moment, Chile astounded in their qualifying, and Honduras overcame political and civil unrest to unite and relegate Costa Rica to the play-off w/ Uruguay – Spain/Chile advance

We’ve the days off for mid-summer holiday confirmed – lagers early in the morning followed by midday slumbers. Our eye will be sharp as we welcome the diversion from potentially discussing and scheming another way out of the Championship