It’s the first trip to this part of the Black Country since 1987 as Boro visit Walsall in the Carling Cup. The first round draw is another reminder of how far the club relegated from the Premier League in 2009 has fallen. Direct entry into the third round has been replaced by opening the competition at it’s inception, in some exotic lower league locale where past glories make you a big scalp to procure.

The Saddlers preserved their League One status in May despite a final day loss to promoted Southampton. Ex-Walsall player Dean Smith oversaw the escape act after taking over from Chris Hutchings in January 2011. After an off-season to bed in and sign some of his own players, the side opened their new campaign with a 1-0 over Leyton Orient this past Saturday – Adam Chambers exacted an epic sense of retribution against an O’s side who released him at the end of last season, scoring via a 30-yard screamer early on in the match. Boro undoubtedly will still be smarting on the drive south after Luke Varney’s stoppage time equaliser earned Portsmouth an undeserved draw at the Riverside. Irrespective of the final result, Middlesbrough manager Tony Mowbray will be pleased as punch with the imperious display from starlet Rhys Williams. Expect a younger, almost experimental side from the visitors as Rolls Rhys, Scott McDonald, Barry Robson, and Tarmo Kink will be unavailable on international duty.

Official Materials

Tardy all around. There’s a small sense of pride over how we’re banging out our irrelevant drivel before the blokes who get paid for it do…

Know Your Enemy

Great to see an American – midfielder Anton Peterlin – plying his trade in the red and white. He was an unused substitute against Orient at the weekend

Danger Man

Peripatetic ‘Flying Frenchman’ Claude Gnakpa – a defender by trade who’s morphed into a dangerous winger – 15 goals last term for Luton Town in the Blue Square Bet Premier – Dean Smith’s side need a consistent goal threat to avoid the same relegation bother experienced last term – Gnakpa has to prove his heroics at Kenilworth Road were not a happy aberration

On Offer

Both sides will want to triumph at the first asking, avoiding an unnecessary replay that imperils both sides league agendas. A win sees advancement to the second round of the Carling Cup – losing allows a refocusing on designated promotion and consolidation objectives

FIFA missed a gilt-edged opportunity to enliven the draw and make it more a media sensation: instead of drawing from pots, the orbs could have been strategically placed about the undraped and vulnerable form of hostess Charlize Theron a la naked sushi fetes in swanky locales like South Beach. What better way to further illustrate the natural splendor of the host republic? Also, it would have done the job to cleanse our palette that is still fouled by the imagery of this…

Group A: South Africa/Mexico/Uruguay/France – the insipid performance of the French at Euro 2008, coupled w/ the difficulty in actually qualifying for the event, may herald the official demise of the golden generation, but until otherwise France remains in that group w/ Germany, Italy, Brazil, and Argentina that, no matter what their form or world ranking, should be wagered against at your own peril – France/Mexico advance

Group B: Argentina/Nigeria/South Korea/Greece – Maradona has ample opportunity to balls this up; hard to see how he can select a hard 23 man squad for up to a month when he called up over 70 during qualifying…did we mention Diego didn’t take over until after the campaign had started? Argentina/Greece advance

Group C: England/United States/Algeria/Slovenia – the jingoistic English press was jubilant at the draw – Wazza couldn’t be bothered – did he have his chips before bed at least? Brown sauce?? England will walk this group, and the US might have their aspirations of advancement quashed quicker than in 2006 – England/Slovenia advance

Group D: Germany/Australia/Ghana/Serbia – eff Group G being anointed the dreaded Group of Death; this is the tastiest on offer – can Oz duplicate their courageous efforts from last time round? Ghana have the class and skill to carry the continental torch – do they have the bottle? Serbia is being woefully underrated early doors too – and Germany – see France above – Germany/Ghana advance

Group E: Holland/Japan/Cameroon/Denmark – there is absolutely nothing to make us think this won’t be the most entertaining group, dreary Danes aside – Paul Le Guen has Lions Imdomptables organised after a shaky start to qualifying – Japan play w/ kamikaze abandon – Holland are imperious, and they have the shekshi-est kits in world football – Denmark are the steel of the group – Holland/Denmark advance

Group F: Italy/Paraguay/New Zealand/Slovakia – tame and imbalanced upon initial views – Italy are Italy, and defending champions – Paraguay finished 3^rd in CONMEBOL, but tied w/ Chile for most victories – NZ might be better off sending the All Blacks – no love for Slovakia, even though they topped their Euro group…which included San Marino and Northern Ireland – Italy/Paraguay advance

Group G: Brazil/DPR Korea/Ivory Coast/Portugal – enough already about the top 3 (and one cheating diving cunt – NOT Drogba!)of the group – did you know that the DPR Korea national side nickname is Chollima? the mythical horse of Siberian/Central Asia origins is said to be too swift to be mounted – Brazil/Portugal advance

Group H: Spain/Honduras/Chile/Switzerland – some fine cuisine going on there: 3 variations of the empanada!! fondue looks absolutely pedestrian against that  – look closer though and realise that Spain are arguably the best team in the world at the moment, Chile astounded in their qualifying, and Honduras overcame political and civil unrest to unite and relegate Costa Rica to the play-off w/ Uruguay – Spain/Chile advance

We’ve the days off for mid-summer holiday confirmed – lagers early in the morning followed by midday slumbers. Our eye will be sharp as we welcome the diversion from potentially discussing and scheming another way out of the Championship