This pre-season ‘feature’ lacks the scope and resources of last time round, but rest assured we thought long and hard about it; questions, quips, and commentary on each Championship club – part one, Barnsley through Leicester:

Barnsley – an unlikely pipeline from South America terminates at Oakwell – the attack-minded Argentinian winger Hugo Colace rejected sexy advances from London to agree a new contract…following him back to off-season training are fellow countryman Jeronimo Morales Neumann, a diminutive striker lured from Estudiantes, along w/ the loan of Diego Arismendi, the Uruguayan international, surplus to immediate Stoke requirements…Mark Robins gets the backing to mould a new side hopeful on cementing a mid-table berth…

Bristol City – Steve Coppell assumes control after a tremendous end to last season under Keith Millen that saw them edge Boro and finish in the top 10…the David James signing represents the biggest shock signing of the off-season – obviously he couldn’t get a tele-working gig elsewhere, making Ashton Gate an attractive alternative for the Devon denizen…also, can Nicky Maynard bag 20 more goals?

Burnley – the only relegated club w/ a decent shout of going straight back up…financial solvency allows for squad continuity, aided by key additions Ross Wallace from Preston and Lee Grant formerly of Sheffield Wednesday…their summer courtship of Hearts winger – and possible Boro target – Andrew Driver wasn’t passionate enough

Cardiff - somehow they continue to receive preferential treatment from HRMC – the winding up order served back in early May was binned after evidence of promised fresh investment from a Malaysian consortium headed by Dato Chan Tien Ghee…it still hasn’t materialised as the club suffer through a stagnant summer, highlighted by the usual frustrations at lack of funds for squad strengthening, as elucidated recently by Michael Chopra…does Dave Jones stick around for another season to patch a fractured and vulnerable side?

Coventry – installed a permanent manager in Aidy Boothroyd…sold Clinton Morrison to Sheffield Wednesday…after recent instability, can the former Watford and Colchester boss instill and inspire a return to modest prosperity?

Crystal Palace – keeping Darren Ambrose whilst successfully navigating administration bother is arguably the coup of the summer…the talismanic winger was atop most Boro wishlists, along w/ other clubs like Celtic and QPR – George Burley was able to woo his former Ipswich player enough to lead a battle for playoff contention…it was expected they’d continue to sell off their best assets, but so far Nathaniel Clyne seems to be the only one assured of a funds-generating move…Julian Speroni stays for now after main admirer Neil Warnock plumped for Paddy Kenny instead

Derby – Nigel Clough did enough this off-season to endanger the squad and potentially invalidate player contracts w/ high-flying cliff diving…passively linked w/ new Celtic striker Gary Hooper during his summer promenade, though one sensed they were never a viable destination…Gary Lineker wannabe Robbie Savage is back to irritate and aggravate for another campaign

Doncaster – a repeat of last year’s success will do just nicely for Sean O’Driscoll’s forward thinking squad…some call it Arsenal-esque, but it has more of the graft and steel required at this level, which makes it something different actually -  call it flowing football with sufficient bite…Billy Sharp has been secured on a permanent basis from Sheffield United – his goals last season kept Rovers relevant, and a fashionable dark horse playoff pick up until a sour patch near the end of the term

Hull  – Nigel Pearson’s appointment was arguably the shock of the summer, trading a perceived glass ceiling at Leicester for the aspirations of rallying and reshaping a tattered, demoted side…Adam Pearson  – no relation that we know of – sure could do with his grit and determination that was a hit w/ Boro fans back in the 90’s…Phil Brown got a bad rap in our book, but his feel-good story devolved into a sad yuckfest forever stamped by the public dressing down at Eastlands on Boxing Day in 2008…and the Jimmy Bullard wank is tireless distraction…

Ipswich – at the end of the day Roy Keane is a fantastic man, but quite possibly a shit gaffer…another stalled start to the season could see him an early favourite for first- manager-sacked honours…meal ticket Connor Wickham is scheduled to miss the first 6 weeks, making the crucial fast start an exceedingly tall task…we’ve them chalked up for an opening loss at the Riverside…

Leeds United – back in the second division of English football after an extended fling w/ League One, the dirty beggars…their ascension does create a spot of Yorkshire derby for Boro, geographically alone now that Newcastle have gone…Jermaine Beckford is off to Everton, but Luciano Becchio, Robert Snodgrass, and Patrick Kisnorbo represent a very good spine when combined with new keeper Kasper Schmeichel…surely a worthy playoff-contention candidate, if not contender for the top two…

Leicester  – the new figure on the on the sidelines may not be as cut and chiseled, but it’s definitely more handsome and fashionable – Paulo Sousa is in for the Foxes after Nigel Pearson’s defection to Humberside…the Portu-geezer inherits a squad capable of his favoured slick-on-the-ground-passing game, allied with an iron will surely still evident despite the change of regime…and no worries about errant French chips in massive penalty shoot-outs; Yann Kermogant has been ordered to fuck off to France to smoke and carouse at AC Arles Avignon…

Do come back for part two featuring inquisitive capsules highlighting Boro and the rest of the Championship field – and if you’re compelled to tell us we’re spouting rubbish, please feel free to comment…

The existing deficiencies were again magnified in the loss to Barnsley 2-1. Boro negotiated suspensions and injuries to field another disparate side: Jonathan Franks on the wide right of a previously little used, though historically Strachan-favoured 4-5-1 -Marcus Bent foundered alone up front – Arca was in over Yeates again – Hoyte dallied some more on the left, ahead of 3 relatively well compensated and rested recognized left-backs. Never mind that the former Arsenal man and drafted replacement for Luke Young provided the opening goal – a benign cross cum shot from 35 yards out, adamantly labeled by the under-achiever as intentional. The visitors, heartened by the jovial and voluble traveling supporters, excelled early on and bossed it. Barnsley regrouped after the break, as is their wont, and changed shape to create 2 goals that changed the course and rendered Boro craven again. Mark Robins is starting to harness and conjure some of that old Oakwell magic – the Tykes now rest 15^th in the table on 30 points, but w/ two massive games in hand. Capitalise on those and we’ll have a new entrant into the playoff discussion…

The live blog is still on official Christmas holiday in Tenerife, and our normally reliable BBC Tees radio feed was replaced w/ a freakish imitation of Revolution 9 -  turn me on dead man…

• Celebrated egoist Leroy Lita suspended for punch petulance at the weekend
• Chris Riggott officially back – partners w/ David Wheater in the heart of defence
• Mark Yeates – still studying that lump of coal inexplicably planted in his Christmas stocking
• Arca goes close early on, capping a fine flowing team move – the strong shot denied by a full-stretching Luke Steele
• Boro goal! from Justin Effing Hoyte!! his deep, high cross from the right wrong-foots Steele and nestles in the top corner of the net – Barnsley 0-1 Boro – 24 mins
• Solid defending from Wheats – perfectly timed intervention in the box to stymie Hugo Colace
• No half-time ruminations – see above
• Barnsley reshape post-break – failure to clear a corner at the near post results in Stephen Foster heading the Tykes level – Barnsley 1-1 Boro – 49 mins
• GON tries to restore the lead quickly – latches on to a decent ball from Bent, but chips his effort cruelly over the bar
• Where is Julio Arca? 58 mins – Daniel Bogdanovic is given space/time to cross on the left – the delivery is met by an onrushing Hugo Colace to beat a helpless Danny Coyne – Barnsley 2-1 Boro
• Luke Williams makes his Boro bow – comes on for Jonathan Franks in the 73^rd – the little ginger doppelganger is the youngest senior debutant since good old Tommy Murray against Sheffield Wednesday in 1905…ah memories
• Emil Halfredsson – Icelandic winger – very impressive for the hosts
• Boro start to hibernate for the last 15 minutes or so until a quick pair of half-chances for the young starlet – a fierce Adam Johnson drive clips off the 16 year olds shin and painfully close to the Barnsley goal – right before the death he has another pop – better, but not enough for rescue
• With no GG to lead us, MOM honours go to Chris Riggott – solid in his return and a bit of a calming influence on our Redcar Rock

League duties take a back seat this weekend – Manchester Cini and their bespoke new gaffer bring the quarter-billion pound novelty – and possibly future relegated step-child – to the Riverside for the FA Cup. And it’s on the telly proper!