Leroy Lita: for reasons still unknown, newly promoted Swansea want an ex-Boro powered strike force to see them through…an original offer of £500,000 was beat back recently, and rightly so…Lethal has thrived under Mogga…and QPR were gonna pay at least three times that amount back in January…fuck off Huw

Marvin Emnes: one landmark goal in a South Wales derby and we’ll never hear the fucking end of it…Brendan Rodgers really fancies our dreadlocked Dutchie, who should have never went on loan there in the first place…it would take a remarkable offer to let him leave…something close to the £3.2m we forked over to Rotterdam

Andrew Taylor: the veracity of this one is in question…it’s only been resurrected cos Malky Mackay got the Cardiff job, and ostensibly would have more dosh to fill his Tayls-shaped ambition, but aren’t Cardiff a financial mess? it’s no matter, Mogga loves the lad and really wants him to sign a new deal before 30 June 11

Julio Arca: it was an anti-climactic exit for the Argie…he hobbled off to his homeland for a knee procedure before the close of the season…his Supporter’s Player of the Year award was accepted remotely, and there’s certain resignation that he’s determined to find a last deserved payday…as long as it’s not at Wigan

Rhys Williams: casual rumours at the surface, nothing more…there’s the longstanding interest from Owen Coyle…the wild machinations that Arsenal is in for him, willing to come north for a money-spinning friendly as part of any deal…any offer would have to be gobsmacking, with sufficient sell on clauses and escalators

Matthew Bates: I think this was the product of Paylor playing with his meds…there is no evidence of any such activity in this virus ridden receptacle of news and links…plus, who wants a permacrocked is-he-a-defender-or-midfielder insurance liability?

Scott McDonald: it’s fairly surprising there hasn’t been more – hell, any – interest in the diminutive down under striker…14 goals in 36 appearances in all competitions is positively prolific given Boro’s lack of reliable scorers the past few seasons…it’s the prohibitive wages that outstrip his commendable work rate and exceptional technique

Kris Boyd: the cinderblock hanging round our neck…his departure could fund several financially responsible additions, but the only real suitor is a club who now got rid of the gaffer who pushed to make a move for him in the first fucking place…hot European gaffer import Steve McLaren could resort to him as a permanent replacement for Dele Adebola or Robert Earnshaw…but could we bear sending him someplace where his inevitable goals could adversely affect our own objective of finally earning promotion? if only someone could persuade him that these endless offers from Turkey actually include delicious, savoury turkey…

Boro makes two changes from Palace: Steele, McMahon, Hines, Grounds, Bennett, Robson (c), Bailey, Arca, McDonald, Emnes, Lita. Subs: Ripley, Haas, Zemmama, Boyd, Halliday, Franks, Smallwood.

1^st half

• Barry Robson makes his return after a nasty leg injury, captaining the side in the absence of Matthew Bates
• @higs8 in for Gary Gill in the expert summariser role
• Boro have sent out an unnamed side only once in 72 matches. That is absolutely stultifying, stretching back to manager who oversaw the freefall that’s brought us here
• Referee: Robert Madley (West Yorkshire)
• Swansea did their last double over Boro way back in 1925. Higgy seizes the opportunity to ask Ali if he remembers doing those games. That’s a smart and easy way to bed in as a broadcast deputy
• £500,000 paid for the peripatetic Scott Sinclair represents some great business by Huw Jenkins. The outlay has netted 17 goals overall this term
• Marvin Emnes, Swansea Tormentor! 8 minutes in he puts Swansea under the cosh – it’s a neat turn and finish to a chance created by Leroy Lita…Boro 1-0 Swansea
• After the goal Mogga continues to implore his charges to pressurise the Swansea defenders
• Julio Arca still dealing with the foot stamp from Palace…picks up a knock in the same area here, but he appears good to continue
• Another week, another horrific mistake from Seb Hines, this time attempting to dribble the ball across the defence. Nathan Dyer is on hand to capitalise and get Swansea level after a whole six minutes after Boro score
• Leon Britton back as the metronome in the Swans midfield after his Sheff Utd nightmare
• If we are deficient in leadership in the heart of defence why don’t we turn to the Haas? A Bayern captain, even if it’s the B team, is still surely good enough for the current fight?
• This match will be decided by whoever terrorizes the others shaky defence more
• Good link up Emnes and Lita…the latter’s acrid touch killed the move after a decent surge up the field
• Jonathan Grounds opens his senior Boro account – a powerful header from a Robbo free kick…David Who? Boro 2-1 Swansea
• The chance for an unassailable half time lead is cleared off the line; Seb Hines was forward, looping a header destined for goal…3 goals in the first 45 minutes could have shattered this Swans defence

HT Boro 2-1 Swansea

Swansea are behind for not taking their chances – Luke Moore, of all people, hasn’t been his usual assertive-against-Boro self. Maybe he’s just a Prem level bête noir?

Boro flagrantly need to tighten up the defence; Hines has had another shocker so far, refusing to impose himself and be a physical force. Going forward we’ve been bright and effective. Leroy Lita should have scored earlier after Emnes set him up. Substitute ‘Emnes’ for anyone else and you have a line suitable for any Boro match report

Apart from the scoreline, there may not be much to shout about. Swans playing with their usual cavalier, no-fear approach, highlighted by their hypnotic passing

2^nd half

• No changes for either side – surely Zemmama and Haas will get consideration for the second half
• Pratley, Gower, Britton have been a force for Swans. Just as we finished reviewing that statement Brendan Rodgers registered his disapproval by taking off Pratley and Britton. Balls
• Angel Rangel tangle? Oh Higgy!!
• Lethal Leroy Lita!! Barry Robson again with a quality ball into the box…easy header to finish – no mistake…Boro 3-1 Swans
• Attendance: 14825 (267 Swans)
• Swans pull one back from the spot – needless push by Arca on Joe Allen…Scott Sinclair converts to make it Boro 3-2 Swansea
• Seb Hines continues to have a shocker…another poor goal conceded whilst we were temporarily down to 10 men. Ashley Williams nods it home while Joe Bennett waits for clearance to return from the sideline…Boro 3-3 Swans
• If there is any consolation from our 3 awful conceded goals, it’s that Swansea are just as dire and unsure at the back
• Merouane Zemmama – wearing number 5 – and Jonathan Franks now up front after Lita and Scott McDonald exit. Diminutive.
• Harsh challenge Mark Gower on Julio Arca, eliciting a yellow. Could have been another colour rightfully
• Richie Smallwood – who Mogga thinks the world of – comes on for a wounded Arca
• Craig Beattie nets an unbelievable winner that stupefies everybody except the 267 away supporters…Boro have thrown away a 3-1 advantage at home and got fuck all from this match

Higgy MOM – Grounds

FT Boro 3-4 Swansea

Sickening finish. Boro score 3 at home and conspire to lose – shocking defending all around today. Swansea were just as jittery, but we couldn’t punish them sufficiently. Serious questions about Hines now. Jason Steele too…

Tunnel reaction with Tony Mowbray: can’t say a lot really – disappointing for the fans – our defending is indefensible – couldn’t stop the ball from going in the net – Whetaer and Bates a few weeks ago, now this – obviously should’va had the 3 points today…need to continue looking over our shoulders – ‘we will improve,  I’m sure’

Barry Robson, commendably honest: scored some good goals when up 3-1; the last 20 mins was diabolical – it’s not just the defence, the rest of the team, collectively, needs to pitch in – we can match the top teams, just needs to be on a more consistent basis – as a team, we need to learn to calm down and get back into it – we played good football, exciting stuff at times – ‘at 3-1, the game should be out of sight’

Boro make one enforced change: Steele, McMahon, Bates, Hines, Bennett, Franks, Bailey, Arca, Taylor, Boyd, Lita. Subs: Ripley, Haas, McDonald, Halliday, Grounds, Smallwood, Park

Pre-match niceties with Mogga: on the progress of Merouane Zemmama –  ‘he’s in a post office in Marrakesh probably’

Jonathan Franks in for Marvin Emnes (groin), who failed a late fitness test

35 played in this series – Boro: 13W 9D 13L

1^st half

• Dougie Freedman is still searching for first win. He’s been permanent for a month, fostering a stingy defence that hasn’t conceded at home since 09 Nov 10. His number two Lennie Lawrence shared a few hearty moments with Mogga pre-match
• Jason Steele and Joe Bennett get the call for the England U21 match in Empoli against the Italians
• Julian Speroni – looks a bit gruff…and heavy…’you sound like Brucie’ quips Gary Gill
• Arca the, ahem, Arcatect
• Ref – Roger East (Wiltshire)
• Matthew Bates off with hamstring knack after 22 minutes. Jonathan Grounds comes on, leaving Maxi  Haas to still wait for his English debut. Crutches for the captain? Nah, he’s proper hard…
• Macca took the armband after Bates exit
• Boro looking to score in 9^th consecutive league match
• More poor composure from Leroy Lita…had Speroni committed and scuffed his shot
• Anthony Gardner having a Kalifa Cisse-esque shocker
• Dean Moxey the standout Palace man so far. A cracking piece of late transfer business from the looks of it…he’s the standout presence in this Palace side looking to close the gap between them and their current opponents
• ‘A catalogue of errors’ leads to Palace’s opener – awful play from Seb Hines…goal claimed by James Vaughan…Palace 1-0

HT Palace 1-0 Boro

Loads of possession for us, with no end product. Arca has been masterful, completing at least as many passes as the hosts combined. Bates exit has really had an impact. Hines shocking during the concession of the goal – Vaughan outmuscled the young centre back entirely too easily. Get your head on son and repay the favour this half…

Scott McDonald can change the shape for us – he can get forward and profit from the fruitful passes Arca and Bailey are offering

2^nd half

• Franks off – Cameron Park on
• The strikers must be strong, getting the ball to stick…keep possession and be stronger
• Darren Ambrose denied a chance to possibly kill it off…great save Steele
• Boyd off – McDonald on, vociferously
• 15 mis left – no subs left to reshuffle – who will conjure up the magic to get us something
• Att – 14060 (1315 Boro)
• Hines heads up front for a last roll of the dice…with Boyd off there’s a decided lack of height in the attack…

GG MOM – Arca

FT Palace 1-0 Boro

One mistake punished us, though to be fair they could have had 2 or 3. We dominated possession and did fuck all with it; not a good sign to do this away against a team below you. Boro’s glaring, flagrant lack of presence in the Palace penalty box ensured we wouldn’t be a threat. Confidence waned as the match progressed. And once Bates left the spirit disappeared entirely

4 points from 9 – simply not a good enough return against teams in the bottom three. Obviously the Preston lapse set the tone for this critical run

Fans openly questioning transfer window logic – £2m  wasn’t enough for Lita? And why no reinvestment in the squad? Mogga’s admission that the club wanted, and needed, to move more players around in the transfer window will sting throughout May – summer will be the time for wide range perestroika

Tunnel reaction with Tony Mowbray: punished quite a bit for one mistake in this division – standards slipped – the squad didn’t succeed with the game plan in training, and it showed – Matthew Bates: hamstring injury confirmed ; less than ideal training conditions may have played a role – Grounds is better with ball at his left foot; he played well ahead of a potential English debut for Maximilian Haas – another day and it’s 0-0, no-one deserved to win the match – Cam Park; late call to plump for Franks after Emnes was ruled out; he came on because we needed a creative player on the pitch

Nicky Bailey needs consolation: disappointing end to a good run – got ‘caught up a little bit’ – ‘didn’t create enough or play well enough as a team’ – not trying to make excuses, but the wind ‘was everywhere’ and the pitch was ‘bubbly’

Julio Arca, Boro’s new best interview: too a nasty kick, leg is hurting – ‘we tried everything’, ‘couldn’t find the space’ – they waited for us to make a mistake, and apart from the goal they created nothing – ‘frustrating when you can’t break in’ – regarding Swansea, it could be better for us to play against a team that wants to play good football…slightly elitist eh, Julio?

Boro employ a fluid 4-4-2: Steele, McMahon, Hines, Bates, Bennett, Bailey, Arca, Taylor, Emnes, Lita, Boyd – Subs: Ripley, Haas, Grounds, Smallwood, Park, McDonald, Franks

11 academy players in the squad, rendering it easier to name the foreigners: Bailey, Arca, Haas, McDonald, Lita, Boyd, Emnes

Maximilian Haas has been allocated squad number 3

Having a listen to Mogga’s pre-match with Ali. He describes Richie Smallwood as a pragmatic footballer. Perhaps the best bit of January business was inking the young talent to new long term deals – Smallwood, Joe Bennett, and Seb Hines are in on the ground level of this renaissance

1^st half

• Extremely low crowd in this unfashionable midweek fixture – only two coaches full of Scunny support, and they’re only about 90 minutes away

• Ref: Rob Lewis (Shrewsbury) – this is his Championship bow. Does this mean we can harshly scrutinise his performance and infer he doesn’t know the laws of the game?

• Early clanger for Matthew Bates – after some panic it’s determined he just needs some tissues stuffed up his nostrils

• Kris Boyd, still around after a series of transfer dominoes failed to fall fortuitously, makes an early mark in the match, just like at Glanford Park – an easy ball over the top from Seb Hines leads to a decent finish past a hapless defence…7 mins in and Boro lead 1-0

• Boro lead the recent series 9W 4D 4L – Scunny haven’t won on Teesside since November 1961

• Woeful defending on display by the visitors. Keeper Joe Murphy remains out with an ankle injury, so Josh Lillis – himself the lad of former Iron player and assistant manager Mark Lillis – is tasked with organising this ragtag bunch

• Mogga looks for a spark and a bit of conviction – Taylor and Emnes are ordered to switch their roles on the flanks to make something, anything, productive happen

• Feliz Cumpleanos (tardio!) Julio Arca, who turned 30 yesterday

• Average so far – limited cohesion and concentration – fortunate to be ahead

• Come on and take these corners/free kicks short…be crafty Mogga

• Scunthorpe: 6 away wins this term, which is a smashing return. It’s their home form that’s abandoned them and consigned them to the relegation zone

HT Boro 1-0 Scunthorpe

Much better end to the first stanza, marked by more chances, improved passing, and better attacking intent. The forwards need to ‘liven up’, and they are not the only ones to draw a scornful eye from the Boro technical area.

2^nd half

• It’s the first shot across the bow this half – Julio Arca goes very close with an expert free kick, past a rooted Josh Lillis – great work Tony McMahon to earn the attacking opportunity

• Following the script: Ahead by a slim margin. Dominating the second half. Now what – kill the fucking game like a group of professionals, or bottle it?

• The bench asks it too – where’s the second goal? McMahon and Bennett are the only reliable attacking outlets

• Attendance -14364 (265 Scunny)

• Penna awarded! Then 6 Scunthorpe players mob the referee and force a consultation with the linesman who overturns it. Leroy Lita goes in the book for being ‘over-theatrical’

• Tony McMahon blows kisses to the crowd! It’s a killer free kick that takes a solitary hop on its way in, and Boro have some breathing room…this can be a propelling result

• Abdisalam Ibrahim is sent off – he accrues two harsh bookings to prompt an alacritous red card from the rookie ref

• Last time Scunthorpe came to the Riverside they finished w/ 10 men, harshly (Cliff Byrne the offender), and Leroy Lita was sent off for ‘petulance’ after decking an opponent…LL is on a yellow currently after the reversed penalty decision

• Scunthorpe enduring a wretched run – 1 win in their last 11 league matches

• Cameron Park receives another late cameo – it’s a home debut this time round

• 5 mins added

• Julio Arca pulls rank on the youngsters as he commands the free kick he earned – his effort is top notch, just missing the crossbar in a quest for the third goal

GG MOM – Tony McMahon

FT Boro 2-0 Scunthorpe

Nicky Bailey was excellent again – this is nine or ten matches on the spin where he’s been a masterful technician. The full backs were outstanding, often providing the best attacking options. There’s no underestimating how psychologically important the clean sheet is when factoring recent, and historical, transgressions. In the end it’s a satisfying result.

Tunnel reaction with Tony Mowbray: two goal advantage takes the sting out of the opposition – in the end it was relatively comfortable – disappointed at half time…played poorly for the first time in a long time, couldn’t string together passes and execute moves – have to continue believing in Kris Boyd to help him score goals – no matter who claims the second goal; the win is the only thing – Tony Macca was ’exceptionally good’ – the result is all the more important given the future visits of Swansea and QPR

Tony McMahon tells his mates ‘I’ll ring you back’ so he can chat about the match: the goal was his, full stop – Leroy Lita continued the stick after the final whistle, adamant that he got the slightest of touches on the wondrous free kick – gaffer constantly encourages the full backs to press forward

Final thoughts from Seb Hines: really good performance in the second half – trying to take the opportunity he waited so long for, even with an imported centre back now lurking over his shoulder – the underlying aim is to win; send a statement to every club in the division

Boro with a revamped academy back four: Steele, McMahon, Hines, Bates(c), Bennett, Bailey, O’Neil, Robson, Taylor, Boyd, Lita – Subs: Ripley, Grounds, Arca, Smallwood, Park, Miller, Emnes

pre-match bobs

• Lee Miller, Notts County folk hero, makes a return to the bench – Conor Ripley is named substitute ahead of the injured Danny Coyne

• 4 unbeaten in the league for the hosts – a return of 8 points from 12

• GON/Robbo/Tayls sit on 4 yellow cards – one more merits automatic suspension

1^st half

• PNE – 3 CBs at the back – how does Boro respond to an unconventional system?

• 84 meetings: 37 W 20 D 27 L to the Boro

• Early knock for Robbo as he writhes on the ground favouring his left leg. It must be a hell of an ache to keep him down for this long

• Iain Hume is the new PNE danger man now that Jon Parkin is at Cardiff

• Ref: Mick Russell (Hertfordshire)

• Phil Brown assesses the orange boots of Leroy Lita and thinks ponderously, ‘why flesh coloured footwear?’

• Midway through the first half and we’re seeing betterplay from the full backs, with Tony McMahon enjoying his usual free reign on the right side

• Sean St Ledger on the changes under Phil Brown: things have been much more organised versus the stewardship of Little Ferg, aiding an improved spirit and general goodwill towards their fellow Lilywhites

• For all of the tangible improvement under Tony Mowbray we still struggle mightily with providing quality service for our strikers

• ‘Growing discontent’ from the crowd re: Boyd

HT Boro 0-0 PNE

Lethal Leroy Lita is certainly less so when partnering with Kris Boyd. The links are there with Emnes and McDonald – with the former Rangers hitman it’s a cold a loveless affair. Whoever is upfront needs to be in the box when the full backs are pushing up because  they’re putting balls in. Very important to keep the discipline and not switch off, i.e. don’t get mugged. Ian Hume is ‘a tricky customer’ says Gary Gill

It’s another tremendous start from Nicky Bailey – this is a remarkable run of 5 or 6 games where’s he’s been the midfield stalwart we’ve craved for so long. Seb Hines has acquitted himself well with a confident and composed first half display.

2^nd half

• Robbo off – Arca on…injury gets the better of our resident hard man

• Sustained pressure to start the second half; Bailey in the middle of everything, and Boro are getting more bodies in the box

• Good performance Sean St Ledger. His former loan club are keeping him busy defensively, preventing his patented surging up-field runs

• Phil Brown continues to bend the ear of the ref: Joe Bennett has dived 3 times in his worthless estimation

• Boyd exits for Emnes to wide derision

• Iain Hume and Seb Hines clatter hard, sparking worry for Hume after his head injury at the hands of Chris Morgan last season while still with Barnsley. Both men are good to carry on

• Marvin Emnes has the best chance so far to put Boro further ahead, as the ball falls to him in a Shaun Harrad-esque way. The end product is risibly bad, hit horribly off target

• ‘Like Beckenbauer at his best’ – Matty Bates with a wonder goal to give Boro their reward! Boro 1-0 PNE thanks to a marauding run redolent of a Boro-era Sean St Ledger!

• Andy Lonergan keeping PNE close here – a clutch of stellar saves have kept his side within shouting distance

• Phil Brown and Brian Horton are having kittens on the touchline, denigrating Bennett for perceived continuous diving, and as a result Bennett isn’t getting the benefit of refereeing doubt

• Att: 16157

• Super play from Julio Arca in his limited shift; a terrific resumption of the profitable engine room link up with Nicky Bailey

• Macca keeps buccaneering forward, offering loads of crosses, with varying degrees of success

• Another late switch off, right on the usual cue: PNE deserve fuck all from this match and somehow find themselves level thanks to Billy Jones, who also tallied in the tilt at Deepdale, although less dramatically…Boro 1-1 PNE

GG MOM – Bailey

FT Boro 1-1 PNE

They were dead but not quite buried. We spurned bags of chances to kill this off only to be undone by some dire finishing. That’s what supporters immediately identify at the end of things, and it’s absolutely spot on; Leroy Lita is great in spurts, Marvin Emnes has tremendous promise, but Kris Boyd is a lost cause. The sooner he naffs off to either Glasgow, Grozny, or Bursaspor the better.

Tony McMahon and Joe Bennett were ever-present on the flanks, however the left back was under the keen forensic eye of referee Mick Russell, heavily influenced by the constant shouting and pointing from the opposing technical area. Frankly it was a shocking display of sportsmanship – better yet, a lack of – from the PNE brain trust. This was amateur dramatics at their best from the thespian duo of Brown and Horton

Tunnel reaction with a muted Tony Mowbray: feels worse than a defeat – second half was where we want to go as a football team – the opposition will always have a chance if you can’t put the ball in the net – we should be beating teams like this at home – we want to get the Tayls situation resolved – Robbo: a gaping hole in his foot – Bennett: fiery, he stands his ground exceptionally, going to be a top footballer – Seb Hines: does the basics well – Kris Boyd: needs to get his head down and work hard, his struggles don’t necessarily reflect his approach in training

Nicky Bailey cuts a dispirited figure: they came here to flood the midfield and make it hard, and they did it fairly well – walking off the pitch you obviously look for something or someone to blame – we have to start sticking the ball away, keep working, and look forward to the next game

Final words with Matthew Bates: wants to keep playing the ball from the back – late switch off is the story of the season – we dominate possession, then concede from 1 or 2 half chances – we were miles ahead in everything – maybe there is a bit of nervousness? – confident that Wheats can excel at Bolton – will be a considerable step up from defending Bristol one week and marking Didier Drogba the next – things are going the right way, looking forward to the games as opposed to earlier in the season

Top Man: fairly self-explanatory; it’s the best player

Star Shaped: implies someone who’s not necessarily the first player you would think about when recalling a particular club, but has important attributes – a star in their play, not profile or name

Best Days: most favourable, and probable, outcome when the season ends

QPR

Top Man: Adel Taarabt – the best player in the division, hands down

Star Shaped: Paddy Kenny

Best Days: champions elect, averaging over 2 points per contest…also on pace for a staggering goal difference redolent of Newcastle and their romp through last season

Cardiff

Top Man: Craig Bellamy

Star Shaped: Seyi Olofinjana – he’s a hulking midfield mastodon…what’s not to like?

Best Days: barring a late season bottle job, they should be promoted as runners-up…playoffs have been an unkind route in years past, so the focus will be on automatic promotion

Norwich

Top Man: Grant Holt

Star Shaped: Leon Barnett – expected to be tied up in a permanent deal from West Brom after a bright loan spell…a real solidifier of the defence

Best Days: injuries mount, testing the resolve of a young, well-drilled side…they’ll be overtaken by a few of the more experienced sides and just miss out on the playoffs

Swansea

Top Man: Scott Sinclair – the itinerant striker is settling nicely with 12 goals in all competitions

Star Shaped: Ashley Williams – Welsh defender with designs on captaining his country and leading a national resurgence under Gary Speed

Best Days: playoff hunters…need to keep scoring goals

Leeds

Top Man: Max Gradel – admittedly his form peaked around late November, and he completely bewilders his coaches and fans alike…a valuable asset if the club were so inclined to cash in now

Star Shaped: Jonathan Howson

Best Days: overachieving so far, thei amazing fire power makes them a favourite on any day, but a porous defence may be their undoing…staying top 10 would still be a major achievement

Watford

Top Man: Danny Graham – enough to make Boro fans wistfully sigh and rue the shortsightedness that allowed this gem to naff off

Star Shaped: Martin Taylor

Best Days: undaunted by opposition or venue…developing into a thrilling, technically gifted side capable of staying in the playoff conversation

Nottingham Forest

Top Man: Lewis McGugan – Forest fans have found a new love after Raddy Majewski…

Star Shaped: Chris Cohen

Best Days: one of the more experienced sides that’s expected to mount a serious run upwards to usurp one of the Leeds/Norwich upstarts…they’ll win the playoff and go up

Reading

Top Man: Jimmy Kebe – bags of pace, capable of a wonder goal at any moment

Star Shaped: Adam Federici

Best Days: too much talent to not seriously contend for a top six spot…can they engineer another sterling run like last year?

Millwall

Top Man: Steve Morison – the big Welsh lad hasn’t had to adjust much to the new division, the new division has had to adjust to him…a menacing goal predator

Star Shaped: David Forde

Best Days: exhilarating start to the campaign has tempered a touch…will still be a tough out for most as they settle in the top half

Burnley

Top Man: Clark Carlisle – dude is smart, and a pretty tidy defender

Star Shaped: Wade Elliott

Best Days: just sacked Brian Laws, and money is a object in these parts, so the new gaffer will have to be more resourceful to keep the Clarets from slipping back to obscurity

Coventry

Top Man: Kieran Westwood – a regular member of the January transfer carousel…Prem clubs are sniffing around

Star Shaped: Aron Gunnarsson

Best Days: their bland route one football bores the pants off most…without some flair and consistency they’ll slide down to a mid-table finish

Leicester

Top Man: Andy King – yeah, it should be a sexier name, but Sven hasn’t been there all that long…eyes are still being cast in more lusty directions while King continues to produce
Star Shaped: Jack Hobbs
Best Days: Sven will always be on the hunt for an exciting hire, be it striker, midfielder, sultry secretary…consistent performances and results will be the only thing to propel them towards the playoffs

Derby

Top Man: Kris Commons

Star Shaped: Robbie Savage – sure, he’s a fucking twat on the pitch…off it his Twitter banter is legendarily funny and fairly insightful

Best Days: fashionable pick for a playoff spot that they should get…this side play breathtaking stuff at times…clean up the mental lapses that saw them let QPR off the hook and commit to full shifts unlike the Forest battering

Doncaster

Top Man: Billy Sharp
Star Shaped: Neil Sullivan – still pushing on, thanks to an early career crash course courtesy of the proper Crazy Gang…unflappable at times, and a terrific steward for a young Doncaster side
Best Days: repeating their high finish from last year isn’t out of the question…Sean O’Driscoll continues to reject the advances of more prestigious clubs to see this thing out

Hull

Top Man: Robert Koren – captain of his country, skillful on the ball, a really complete midfielder
Star Shaped: Andy Dawson
Best Days: new local owners, new funding sources…Matty Fryatt from Leicester and Aaron Mclean of Posh have already been drafted in to give a fresh cutting edge…Big Nige will not steer them back up at the first asking

Barnsley

Top Man: Adam Hammill
Star Shaped: Stephen Foster…making a great name for himself at Oakwell after all those years with Crewe…scored some important goals during the cup tun a few years back, and generally anchors the defence with assuredness
Best Days: if they resist cashing in on Hammill they can stay in a safe position…without the talented whippet expect them to get sucked into relegation talk as May approaches

Bristol City

Top Man: Albert Adomah – a proper tricky winger, playing where Tricky comes from, imagine that?
Star Shaped: Jon Stead – wasn’t a Keano lad and got shipped west for it…a good player who gets involved and asserts himself
Best Days: chairman Steve Landsdown has said staying up is the top priority…consider it job done at the end…just

Portsmouth

Top Man: Liam Lawrence – why we never got in seriously for him we’ll never know…he could have been had for a lousy Gary O’Neil…deadly from set pieces, a real talent
Star Shaped: Michael Brown
Best Days: Steve Cotterill has arrested the expected slide down the divisions on a threadbare squad w/ virtually zero resources…there is plenty on hand to ensure a top 12 finish

Ipswich

Top Man: Grant Leadbitter
Star Shaped: Carlos Edwards
Best Days: loans are expiring, transfer activity is cautious, and Roy’s been relived of his duties…pity he won’t get to stalk the touchline against the big dicks in the nearing cup ties with Chelsea and Arsenal

Middlesbrough

Top Man: Jason Steele – many will argue that starlet Steele is more of a detriment, especially lately…they forget how this academy grad singlehandedly prevented several maulings earlier in the season when we could have shipped anywhere from 5-8 goals
Star Shaped: Julio Arca
Best Days: Boro’s expected battle is taking place at the wrong end of the table…Tony Mowbray insists staying up is the chief concern…(says whilst drunk on foam) a fruitful run can suck Boro upwards to within touching distance of sixth

Sheffield Utd

Top Man: Steve Simonsen – this is a lazy default, no offense to the son a Danish seaman from South Shields
Star Shaped: Nyron Noseworthy
Best Days: lifelong Blades fan Micky Adams arrives from Port Vale to become the third gaffer this season…his threefold plan for long-term stability will be superseded by an immediate dogfight for survival

Crystal Palace

Top Man: Nathaniel Clyne
Star Shaped: Neil Danns – we’ve said for 18 months that Boro could do with a player like this – mature, direct, with pace and good football intellect
Best Days: they’ve some good players, and have navigated the administration bother that shanghaied their last campaign…Burley just got sacrificed, which may wind up helping them given the atrocious nature of his brief reign
Scunthorpe

Top Man: Jonathan Forte
Star Shaped: Josh Wright – young peripatetic whelp is a stalwart in the Iron midfield
Best Days: with no goals from Gary Hooper, or wizardry from Nigel Adkins, a return to League One looks inevitable

Preston

Top Man: this was supposed to be Jon Parkin, then he got sold to Cardiff…then the Man Utd and Stoke loanees were recalled…and Sean St Ledger is really just shit…has to be be new gaffer Phillip ‘Phil’ Brown
Star Shaped: Billy Jones
Best Days: very grim – Little Ferg sacked after Boro loss, gilded loan pipeline shut off by SAF cos of it, and they play terrible football…

Boro line up in a 4-4-2: Steele, Hoyte, Wheater, Bates (c), Bennett, Kink, Robson, Bailey, Arca, Emnes, Lita – Subs: Coyne, Boyd, L Williams, Hines, Franks, McMahon, Smallwood

1^st half

• Ref: Graham Salisbury – he of the itchy trigger finger: 61 yellows and 3 reds meted out this campaign, including one to Reading’s Brian Howard late in the Boro 3-1 victory back in September

• Norwich have only 2 losses away from Carrow Road, and have won 5 of 6 – both Doncaster and Cardiff handed them 3-1 setbacks on earlier travels

• Sloppy first 10 minutes at the Riverside, very untidy and yawn inducing. So casual that Ali and Gary temporarily forget there’s a match going on

• Norwich have now scored in every match but one – they played a goalless draw w/ table toppers QPR

• The goals were so jammy, so poor, that we refuse to even acknowledge them – it is 1-1, and the Boro tally actually goes down as an own goal against Russell Martin. That’s it, we’re not discussing them…

• 46^th league meeting between these two: 18 W 12 D 15 L to the Boro

• The English football immersion of Tarmo Kink continues. He’s getting constant instruction from Tony Mowbray and Mark Venus to correct his poor positioning and decision-making

HT Boro 1-1 Norwich

Much better from us after a dour start – 2 soft goals contributed to the early haze one would actually have expected two days ago. Fortunately the last 10 minutes were more invigorating. David Wheater attacked a few headers,  Matthew Bates had a goal bound effort cleared at the last. Most worryingly, Tarmo Kink is struggling to comprehend the gaffer’s instructions, further fueling the notion that he’s better as an impact sub. Marvin  Emnes needs to improve his positional awareness too – there’s a huge vacancy in the middle of the gap between midfield and attack that he has to occupy

2^nd half

• The first bit of Tarmo’s football re-education: get rid of them garish yellow boots. A conservative-by-Estonian-standards white pair is favoured for the second half

• Attendance: 16853

• Jonathan Franks completes what seemed to be a furtive recovery. Just like that he’s back amongst the substitutes, and now warming up for a possible appearance. According to Mogga he’s been ‘playing like Lionel Messi in training’.  So no pressure then, eh?

• Shirt pulling is part and parcel of in-the-box tomfoolery, and this incident is no different. An errant whistle nullifies the goal to put Boro ahead – David Wheater has his second goal in two matches struck from the ledger after a moment of refereeing incompetence

• Justin Hoyte yet again has a chance to produce something that snatches the points. This time it’s not a mishit cross, nor is he cogitating over a pass in an advantageous spot: it’s a fantastically shaped shot that scorches the side netting. Much better from the perennial underachiever…

GG MOM – Nicky Bailey

FT Boro 1-1 Norwich

Another commanding second half performance yet again. Once we marry those with equal opening half performances we’ll be mint. The lethargic start was difficult to overcome, and seemingly there’s no proper explanation other than the matter of two little matches within 48 hours or so of each other. Footballers these days are so soft…

Arca continues his excellence – Robbo solid and involved throughout – Bailey masterful all around, and really pleasing with his set piece delivery – Jonathan Franks got a decent run out after replacing a poor Tarmo Kink – Kris Boyd made his compulsory early-transfer window appearance to rev up the punters

5 points from 9 during the holiday programme. Considering our current position it’s a profitable return – draws against two of the top form sides when we bossed them

Tunnel reaction from Jonathan Franks: good to be back – hard earned point after a sloppy start – no reserve appearances, just 20 mins on the pitch – on the Messi critique: unfounded, only getting back into it

Barry Robson too: took about a half hour to get going – missed 8 games total through suspension/injury/illness, needs to sharpen match fitness – relentless division – we’ve dominated two of the top 4 in the last two and it’s very consoling – appreciates the spectre of the cup tie at Burton Albion…glamour tie for them and we need to be alert

Tony Mowbray offers his perspective: started sloppy, a possible by-product of Leeds sucker punch – plenty of positives to take from this nevertheless – not necessarily the fault of Jason Steele on the goal…to be fair, quite a few Boro players were culpable – no concrete offers for any player at this stage – nobody will be leaving on the cheap, no fire sale required

Boro go bold in a 4-3-3: Steele; Hoyte, Wheats, Bates, Bennett, Thommo, Bailey, Emnes, Arca; McDonald, Lita

Is that three men up front? Confirmed – Marvin Emnes starts up with Scott McDonald and Leroy Lita, tasked with dropping back when Boro don’t have the ballh

1^st half

• Ref: Colin Webster – he’s the bastard who sent off Barry Robson against Bristol City last year

• Jonathan Howson and Max Gradel have been two of the most impressive wingers in the division. Gradel is on top goal scoring form with 5 in four matches – Howson played an excellent match at the Riverside

• Leeds displaying a better shape, overall looking a better side from the team that won in Strachan’s last match

• Wheats ‘making a nuisance’ of himself – a clever near post flick for the opening goal – quality corner from Arca

• Another early departure for Kevin Thomson; he’s off after 25 minutes and heads straight down the tunnel after being replaced by Barry Robson. The instructions to the Scots stalwart: stay disciplined and keep the shape

• Great coaching from Tony Mowbray here: Nicky Bailey receives perfect instructions to suss out an intricate move from a set piece – thanks to the astute gaffer he knew where that free kick was going to be taken

HT Leeds 0-1 Boro

Promising display from Boro – fluid formation with Emnes attacking and defending as play dictates – more attacking intent overall, the only disappointments remain Thommo’s exit and not getting that second goal

Is Julio Arca more effective than Thommo in the middle? It seems crass to suggest it, smacking of a bias against terribly injured man, but the Argentine’s resurgence is getting him noticed and Boro’s displays profit from it

2^nd half

• Robbo has a bit of Billy Bremner in him, doing the niggling, grating, sneaky stuff to rile the opposition

• Bradley Johnson, the transfer-listed Leeds winger, has been wretched in his service and delivery today…keep it coming lad

• Attendance: 30452

• Joe Bennett doing his best to fuel spurious Boro-Barcelona links; it’s a supremely skillful run past four defenders, but he spoons his well-worked shot over and out…what a finish it would have been

• Kris Boyd’s festive intake was surely legendary. Now the big man has the sandwich board adorning his neck to firmly signal that he is indeed for sale

• How is it not 2-0 Boro? Boro have three players in the box and do a choreographed Keystone Kops routine, running into each other and completely missing a free ball into the net. Leeds rush forward and amid the ensuing lunacy Luciano Becchio volleys home a gutting equalizer…10 seconds to go from that to this…

• Justin Effing Hoyte just needs to flat out improve on the ball skills. This is the second match running he gets into a promising position with a chance to kill the match, and his end product is simply wasteful. We paid £3M for that?

• Then Ross McCormack absolutely blows a chance to win it for Leeds. We’re usually victimized by that sort of misfortune…new year, new luck, eh?

GG MOM – Nicky Bailey

FT Leeds 1-1 Boro

Initially it was stinging to not get the full three points as we were excellent. In the end it’s a fine point against a side unbeaten in 10 and fresh off beating QPR. Still though, it should have been so much more

no post match reaction from the tunnel today due to we needed to get the eff back to bed

• Tony Macca out – Justin Hoyte in at right full back…Seb Hines for the suspended Wheats

• Boro XI: Steele, Hoyte, Hines, Bates, Bennett, Thomson, Bailey, GON, Arca, Mac, Emnes

• Bates announced as permanent captain…impetus for Gary O’Neil to play well through well-channeled anger?

• Cardiff – 19 points out of 30 away…sterling form, especially compared with ours

• Hoyte in favour due to his pace…he must assert himself adequately to really wrest the position away from Tony Macca

• Emnes w/ a great turn and runs at the defender…stinging shot saved by Marshall

• Gilly at right full back the last time Boro beat Cardiff in 1985 at Ayresome…Mogga in the side too

• more of the same: Arca pinging quality balls into the box too classy for our attackers

• miserable miss from Mac…dragged wide…bobbled off knee/upper leg

• Cardiff ‘mean it more’ when attacking

• Emnes taken down…should have been a red for Gyepes…Arca converts with ease…Boro 1-0 Cardiff

• HT Boro 1-0 Cardiff… with the lead we’re less prone to their counter-attacking ambition…expect a strong response in the second half

• Bellamy gives referee Anthony Bates stick for the penna cos he’s from Sunderland, perceiving some sort of Arca-influenced bias…really?

• only one man to mark for Hines and Bates – sadly it’s Craig Bellamy and neither of them are that assured in the job…squeeze the space between you and play tighter

• Dave Jones erupting in the technical area, melting the snow with his vitriol…strong remonstrating w/ the officials

• Boro morphing into a 4-1-4-1 w/ Thommo playing deep and Emnes alone up front

• getting ‘tasty…very tasty’ down on the touchlines

• Chopra spears into Jason Steele, a clear yellow card, which should be his second, and Dave Jones has the temerity to scream at the fourth official demanding an explanation

• 4 mins added

• attendance – 14250 (505 Cardiff)

• GG MOM – Bates

• FT Boro 1-0 Cardiff – Emnes – a constant threat..Thommo – tidy…Bailey – put in a shift…GON – tireless

• outstanding discipline – remarkable tactically from Mogga – fill the holes, make it tight, not commit too many forward

• Mogga – amazing shift – overcame training challenges to execute a flawless game plan – the crowd drags the players on…massive boost – Seb Hines: immaculate…brave, put his head through things – midfield worked their socks off – Doncaster will be another test…string together a few wins and keep taking the new things on

• Thommo – delighted, still not 100% – hard rehab work pays off – resolved displayed by Boro commendable – Cardiff full of top players with loads of quality

• Julio Arca – still has to look after the knee, requiring a proper cool down after a professional shift – confident about the penalty, and the decision to step up and bang it

• @higs8, deputising for an ill Gary Gill, on the snood: unless you’ve a medical condition you shouldn’t be wearing one

• Boro XI: Academy back five – GON and Bailey in the middle – Emnes right / Arca left – Lita and Mac upfront – only 6 make the subs bench…no Robbo or Thommo, or kids to fill out the cushy chairs

• Gary McSheffrey – epic in the 2006 FA Cup tie, ultimately won by Boro through JFH in the replay

• Coventry quick on the attack…dumping balls into the box and making quality runs to harry the defence

• Explore the flanks…’a little bit of joy’ so far down the left for Arca

• Lita: 250^th league appearance – 100^th Boro start for GON

• HT 0-0…missed penna apart, good finish to the half by Boro…points are there for the taking…we’re pressing their keeper more, closing the gaps between MF and attack and avoiding the silly, unnecessary fouls…

• Lita drives everyone to distraction…’get on with it!!’ stop remonstrating for fouls…an ‘unforgiveable miss’ – intelligent play from Julio Arca, giving the strikers everything they could want with terrific balls into the box

• Slapstick start to the 2^nd half – botched decisions from the female lino prompts semi-sexist rant from Higgy!

• 65 mins – Boro keep going to the flanks, where they’ve found freedom all afternoon…service from Arca, Bennett, McMahon has been brilliant…mind you, the strikers have done fuck all with it, but still…

• Doyle with a splendid chance to put Coventry ahead – a shocking miss in a 3 on 1 attack…both sides lacking composure in front of goal

• Bates concedes a definite penalty…of course Marlon King converts to get Coventry, ahem, out of jail…

• Woeful finishing has condemned us again

• 8 points from 42 if results hold

• ‘hit and hope’, without the hope…late on we’re flingling aimless balls somewhere in the vicinity of goal…where’s the direction and conviction of intent?

• Higgy MOM – Emnes

• FT Coventry 1-0 Boro…beyond worrying…we’re being cut adrift, staying off the foot of the table thanks to a late Cardiff equaliser v PNE

• penalty palaver: Robbo ill and out – Boyd was on the bench – Mac has a poor track record with the disgusting miss at Bloomfield Road back in February

• Mogga: disappointed dressing room – missed opportunities – effort deserved a result, players performed as well as they have in his short time here – will not judge a penalty taker, or admonish for a miss