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To The End – How Boro Stay Up Through The Final 10 Matches

BA — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 04:09:58 +0000

We should even be having this conversation. This was supposed to be the discussion about when we’d secure that automatic promotion we were so heavily favoured for. Things change. Atavistic, coarse ginger managers always run the risk of spoiling horribly and retreating to the charming confines of television studios. And while they get served tea and have access to opulent catered services we scheme, devise, and conspire solutions to simply stay up. Get Mogga to the summer, then let him work – that’s a common refrain. Sadly the new gaffer will have to complete his summer remodel with a fraction of the budget his predecessor did.

Fifty points is generally the target for survival in this division, though some posit that the woeful form of Preston and Sheffield United actually lowers that number this time round – a number as low as 45 may do the trick. However close that target appears now, Boro still need results to cement their escape from once-calamitous circumstances. Here’s our casual analysis of the final 10 league matches – a forecast of where we get the points, and a genera estimation of where it leaves us after the final whistle on 07 May 11…

Boro v Watford

Reverse fixture: Watford 3-0 Boro

League position:8th

Form: 6th

This lot have beat us in three straight. We even lost to them during their brief Prem appearance in 2006-07 when they still had Ashley Young for fuck’s sake! Clearly a recent bogey club – a draw would be a positive step

Boro v Leicester

Reverse fixture: Leicester 0-0 Boro

League position: 10th

Form: 13th

Sven and his band of big-wage mercenaries, augmented with a bit of the bargain hitman Andy King, have rescued the fortunes imperiled by the flaccid start under Paulo Sousa – something tells us Boro will experience an international break hangover on the way to a loss

Sheff Utd v Boro

Reverse fixture Boro 1-0 Sheff Utd

League position: 23rd

Form: 23th

From @mcwd last Saturday: Micky adams is practically resigning on bbc Sheffield now . Who could really blame him for a public suicide? One win since taking charge, leading his beloved Blades straight to the League One rendition of the Sheffield derby…if Megson keeps Wednesday up! We’ll draw, but it’ll feel much worse

Ipswich v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 1-3 Ipswich

League position: 16th

Form: 21st

Bomb investigators may refer to it as the point of impact or summat…our CSI-derived training and immersion fails us presently. What is most certainly was is the collection of moments where an entire support base realized they we’re being grifted by a domineering Glaswegian with an aversion to standard courtesy, backed by a blinded leader incapable of assuaging the masses. Tempted to go for a plucky win…it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve left someone’s ground with an unexpected full haul

Boro v Barnsley

Reverse fixture: Barnsley 2-0 Boro

League position: 15th

Form: 19th

Some qualify the earlier loss at Oakwell as late lapse that saw us miss out on precious points – at 1-0 down we were far superior and pushing for an equaliser when they hit us with a late haymaker…now that Adam Hammill is at Wolves a satisfying win should be easier to come by

Burnley v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 2-1 Burnley

League position: 7th

Form: 7th

It was Kink-tastic climaxes like the one at the Riverside which cemented the fate of Brian Laws – the Clarets were on an acute decline ever since Owen Coyle took that ‘lateral move’…Eddie Howe has come up from Bournemouth to craft a new brand of positive football…one that negatively results in a cruel loss

Hull v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 2-2 Hull

League position: 9th

Form: 9th

By the time this match happens Boro could be safe, unless Hull’s former resident fitness specialist Phil Brown cobbles together a hell of a run at Deepdale…they can’t play Scunthorpe 9 more times we won’t be, but the loss will feel less damaging

Boro v Coventry

Reverse fixture: Coventry 1-0 Boro

League position: 19th

Form: 22nd

Kick them while they’re down. Aidy Boothroyd is gone. Avenge the injustice suffered at the hands, and fists, of Marlon King at the Ricoh Arena…this will be a resounding win

Cardiff v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 1-0 Cardiff

League position: 4th

Form: 14th

With Hull, Watford, and Burnley bearing down we could get a first-hand account of another Cardiff late-season bottle job…how sweet would it taste to fuck up their plans for Wembley? An enterprising draw could help achieve that…

Boro v Doncaster

Reverse fixture: Doncaster 2-1 Boro

League position: 17th

Form: 15th

At this stage we’ll be on 53 points – provided the wild machinations listed above actually materialize…this could be a killshot…our flourishing season-ending win could confine Donny to League One

Yeah, we made it…56 points. Based on the last three final league tables that’s good for 14th or 15th…far from pre-season objectives. That final sensation you hear is the collective tearing of the final lot of betting slips, the ones that relied on daft suppositions. Like Kris Boyd scoring goals for fun. We were a deluded bunch, no?

Goodbye Blue Sky – Sun Sets On Boro’s Home Campaign

BA — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 04:15:24 +0000

Up the road they were celebrating heartily. Loads of beer, plenty of tits, and the criminally underrated Geordie birds too, all celebrating their crown – and passport back to Prem prosperity. The mood back down south was decidedly more somber – a new generation of supporters indelibly scarred by an indifferent squad trudging towards the exit, forgoing the common decency of giving a richly deserved lap of honour and undying gratitude for enduring the stream of slop served to them in regular intervals.

The virtual atmosphere was so casual we actually considered toggling something else, instead of the alt-tabbing between the live blog, BBC, the Saturday clockwatch, and West Ham/Wigan en espanol. We saved it for long afterwards, fearing the dulling, desensitising effect it would have on our orgasmic joy.

Some Boro bullets in lieu of regular match notes – memo to minuscule regional internet radio operation: a large percentage of your listenership is down to Boro supporters outside the local catchment area – broadcast the fucking matches instead of your foul brand of benign Europop, even if it’s a dead rubber…

So Gary O’Neil is alarmed by the gulf in class – nothing perceived about it – between Boro and the top two in the Championship, West Bromwich Albion and Newcastle. Failure to get points off either – in relegation and promotion battles alike – might be the perfect illustration. Two points. Out of twenty-four. Versus WBA: 0 wins – 0 draws – 4 losses / 11 goals conceded / 0 goals scored. And Newcastle: 0 wins – 2 draws – 2 losses / 7 goals conceded / 3 goals scored. What else is there to say Gary?

Lamb on the run! Middlesbrough’s chief executive took to his imaginary throne in the BBC Radio Tees studio. Here his spin, in every convoluted sense of the word:

The it’s-never-too-early-to-get-promoted notion? Against it -
We’ll be the best resourced club next season – he backs off a bit later – one of the top-resourced clubs…ahem
So revisionist – he attempts to berate a caller illustrating how the region has soured under his recent stewardship. Cup runs, European finals, top half finishes, football under Bryan Robson, the big spending era currently dooming the club to financial prudence…yes, all his doing…and the town was happy
‘Define the word sanction’ – used to describe his role in the Alves episode. This particular chap merely wanted to know the power structure for such a critically bad transaction – all he got was the bombast of a well-educated, strangely confident trapped rodent.

Luke Williams will be a man. The Teesville tyro is getting his advanced footballing ‘birds and bees’ under Gordo and the rest of the senior team. Some good touches and the seeds of intelligent runs displayed in the first 45 mins of his starting first team bow. This kid might be bigger than the parmo, and virtually everyone is pulling for him.

The highlight of the season? Fantastic supporters – anchored by this lot

We know no off-season – reviews of pre-season prognostications, dissecting this season like the cheap biology lab frog it was, deep stretching for WC 2010 S Africa, and so much more of the decent effort tinged w/ haphazard finishing this space has become…

Join Our Club – Boro Sew Up Scottish Swoop

BA — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 21:21:46 +0000

So Gary Caldwell isn’t coming? Okay, fair enough, Premier League certainty outstrips mere remote possibilities of it. No matter, cos Gordo has a list of targets who want to play for Boro as long as his arm – or a bigger blokes arm. The former Celtic gaffer was able to successfully trap three quarters of his dream Old Firm quarry: Barry Robson is in to solidify the midfield; Willo Flood the same, although in more of a peripheral role; and Chris Killen provides a beacon up front – not a terrible scoring record in England either, and there’s the impetus of getting recognized for the New Zealand squad that will make their second appearance at a World Cup this summer in South Africa.

With midseason transfer business usually dragging until the end of the term, the club endeavour to continue vetting targets. Lately we’ve heard Leon Best from Coventry – scorer of a wonder goal v Pompey in their FA Cup replay earlier this week – and Wes Hoolahan of Norwich, an assiduous winger, ideal as a replacement for Adam Johnson should he naff off to Sunderland or Everton. Throw in a spot of QPR’s Wayne Routledge and you have enough chum to hold the baying mob, temporarily at least. Though descriptions of old Wayne as a ‘combo midfielder who can play upfront’ invoke inherent hatred derived from similar failed experiments – see exhibits Aliadiere, Emnes, and/or Tuncay.

Collectively, it’s enough to stimulate hope. There’s a distinct outline in the new vision – more spine, steel, focus, and discipline – less faffing about w/ pretty passing and precision movement, because we simply haven’t the resources or personnel to implement it. And Gordon Strachan keeps getting managerial work not just for his acerbic wit, but because his austere system that emphasises grinding and plodding and fighting really does work.

Best Friend On The Payroll – Strachan Enlists Celtic Charges

BA — Sat, 09 Jan 2010 03:11:42 +0000

Banging on like he’s Graham Norton or something – and not the manager of Middlesbrough Football Club – Gordon Strachan keeps proclaiming ‘…I need men’. Some familiar Scottish imports are en route – late reports say a fee has been agreed for Gary Caldwell and Barry Robson. It’s half the quartet the former Celtic gaffer was thought to covet, though the possibility does exist for loans deals involving Kiwi striker Chris Killen and midfielder Willo Flood. Reception for the deal, to whatever extent, is mixed; good in the way how the squad needs desperate strengthening, but perhaps not so good in the limited scope of the search. Not the most audacious splash in the transfer pool, but comfortable and stable, something we’ve been in dire need of.

The wicked winter weather gripping all of Britain has eradicated large parts of the footie schedule, and Swansea’s long trip to Teesside was a natural candidate for eventual postponement. 6 matches so far in the Championship called off, with similar numbers affecting the rest of the domestic leagues and cup competitions. Pitch/ground conditions haven’t been the concern – it’s the safety of supporters to and from the venue that are of paramount concern. The conduit to the Bundesliga that is Raphael Honigstein raised an entirely valid point regarding the exceptionally cautious approach clubs are taking in these economically sensitive times. Many are so precarious that even one solitary accident suffered by someone attending their matches could have devastating financial impact – surely Boro and Steve Gibson aren’t immune either.

Time is the most valuable commodity – it allows for an opportunity to settle the new additions, and scheme for more. Expect a renovated side at Bramall Lane next Saturday when Boro travel to Sheffield United, right there in the deep mire of the table jostling for a foothold up towards the playoff promised land…can we stay in that fight?

A Big Day In The North – Boro Tuning Up For Toon Clash

BA — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:30:09 +0000

‘I have no doubt that Middlesbrough will be there or thereabouts in the promotion race. I still regard them as promotion rivals for us…’ At a time when promotion pessimism pervades Teesside, there is at least one outsider still confident that Gordon Strachan can correct the current ills and rehabilitate prospects for this campaign. Never mind that it’s Chris Hughton, Newcastle manager, doling out the platitudes and veiled, if not compulsory, vote of confidence during the media build-up to the latest installment of the Tyne-Tees derby. The Geordies are absolutely walking the league at this stage – free of major injuries, boasting a stout defence, and scoring at will thanks to a mature and inventive midfield anchored by players we really thought would be the first to jump ship after relegation from the Premier League. Instead, the off-season turmoil has galavanised a squad of top-flight wage-earners reaping the rewards of competing in a lower division. Their stay amongst us appears to be temporary at best. Boro need a result to stay within a shout – the ignominy of falling 20 points behind the Toon before Christmas would be enough to trigger mass panic and/or wide-scale hibernation until this sordid charade ends.

Boro have another crisis to negotiate while preparing for the holiday programme, this of a defensive nature. Sean St Ledger is back with Preston, unofficially, on gardening leave until his loan deal becomes permanent come January. Speculation abounds though as to the status of that deal – recent reports highlight an alleged row between defender and gaffer that has the full Ireland international defender cogitating over the impending permanence of his move. Virtual trudging has helped deduce that said row may have been blown out of proportion and that Gordo has designs on converting SSL to right back in the coming new year to help re-shape the squad. Additionally Seb Hines, who was pretty efficient in performing a partnership w/ David Wheater prior to acquiring SSL, suffered gruesome knee damage on reserve duty in the midweek and is out for up to 8 weeks. Expect Emanuel Pogatetz to occupy the central defence w/ Wheats and the recall of Andrew Taylor at left back. The caterwauling for Joe Bennett and/or Jonathan Grounds remains neglected.

Elsewhere in the projected squad: Gary O’Neil has been declared fit to retain the captaincy and return to his role in the Boro engine room; Adam Johnson is out after injury v Cardiff, so Mark Yeates, on a run of 3 consecutive excellent shifts, will marshal the left flank; Julio Arca may feature on the right side – not because he’s really excelled mind, it’s just the paucity of attacking options; and the Kitson/Lita reunion tour is about to reach its climax, so how about one last duet in the intimate surroundings of St. James’ Park?

Double Fantasy – Boro Whip Wedenesday, Secure St. Ledger

BA — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 04:19:50 +0000

This Championship immersion continues to improve…another away triumph, this time at Hillsborough – Boro escaped an early deficit to cruise 3-1…a Darren Purse own goal and strikes from Adam Johnson and Jeremie Aliadiere, encore, did the deed. Gaz sails to second in the table, setting up a potential 1-2 clash at The Riverside Saturday w/ West Brom – come on Blackpool!

He’s continuing to re-engage most of the fan base on the results front…maybe the official loan acquisition of Sean St Ledger will foster more goodwill in the man management aspect of the football business? The capture of the Republic of Ireland international proves a great piece of commerce – an initially no-risk replacement for Robert Huth who can effectively audition for the rumoured £3.5m permanent move come January. Pick the right specimen from the loan striker bin and we could have something – a gaffer astute and discerning off and on the pitch.

Given all the real-world issues occurring in the region, why not a messiah of sorts for those exposed, and why not Gareth Southgate? Football can be the rally point – a scintillating product tearing up the parks on their way back to Premier League half-glory – connecting the Teesside perimeter back into the relevancy grid. The man was nearly canonised for his role in previous successes, so deifying wouldn’t be a gross overextension…

The Long And Winding Road – 08 Jun

BA — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 04:28:57 +0000

Championship football is getting the chief executive all tingly in his gentleman’s area

Anthony Vickers feels the same, but he has enough class to restrain it until the 6.30 mark of this – AV helps hammer the point by pointing out how much of next season’s core – Adam Johnson, Rhys Williams, Jonathan Grounds – absolutely thrived in recent Championship experience…interchangeably you could say the same for Chris Riggott, Tony McMahon and Josh Walker possessing the same good fortune re: tangible non-Premiership success…

The idea now after expunging some of the club debt is this: Boro can reduce the wage bill significantly and still outspend their competition, enabling the assembly of a top shelf side capable of bouncing straight back into the comforting arms of the Premier League…

Death Or Glory

BA — Mon, 25 May 2009 05:59:00 +0000

The saddest episode came in the last 10 mins or so – Tuncay began barking at the bench, then his teammates, notably Adam Johnson. The discord amongst this disparate lot was abundantly evident – poor body language, a sheer lack of desire, an absence of hustle…

The speculation of an off-season purge is rampant – but how can any confidence be invested in the core that is to remain? Footballing wisdom says you need 3 teams to escape relegation worries: a team designed to get out of the Championship; a team designed to avoid relegation at the first go; and a team intended to consolidate your position in the Premier League. GS has proved competent at cobbling together a regressing side – wagering on his improvement endangers a vast supporters community.

Come on Gibbo, surely there are different feasible business models that accommodate a restructuring and resurgence that differs from the one you intend…

I’m taking a hard-earned break from footie, apart from the usual work distraction, and actually playing it – we all should benefit from such a respite.

The Big V

BA — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:51:24 +0000

Boro host United tomorrow in a lunchtime kick-off that is the latest target of SAFs ire. MUFC are fresh off the 1st leg defeat of Arsenal in the CL semi-final in the midweek. Rio is battered and bruised, Berbatov was a sub v Arsenal, so on and so forth – they have the squad to cope w/ injuries…let’s hear them whinge about getting kicked around the park post match tomorrow instead – irrespective of result.

We soldier on – nothing much has changed personnel wise, and our position remains perilous. Arguably Villa/Hull Monday is more important, for if Phil Brown can architect an away result they’d be near close to safety, or alternatively, we would be further away in the table. The Tigers bolt may be shot though after already improbable away results at Arsenal and Fucking Geordie Scum.

Tactics? Score more than we let in. And tell Gary O’Neil the match is Sunday, or that we’re playing Portsmouth, so he’ll stay away. The 4-4-2 employed last week was a shambles of previous iterations: see the formula designed for Hull, adopt it, and play like your fucking survival depends on it. Give us West Ham ’07 or Fulham ’08, not a resignation of requisite restructuring in the lower leagues.

Innocent Child(ren)

BA — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 02:29:02 +0000

The fulcrum is under additional pressure after the goalless draw w/ Fulham – off the pitch troubles now conspiring to compromise Boro’s top flight priviledges. It’s surprising however that this seemingly nascent issue hasn’t manifested sooner…the boss is tired of all the fucking about on the training pitch. Go figure, after assembling only the youngest lot in the Premier League! Not the kind of faff the support base wants to hear in the midst of a massive struggle in the relegation zone…w/ Arsenal looming tomorrow…away…where we’ve lost 9 on the trot..and face the incredulity of setting a new club standard for road ineptitude.

Recent history does befriend us – GS has amassed 7 of 15 available points tete a tete avec Monsiuer Wenger. Boro haven’t lost at The Emirates – a ‘typical Boro’ performance will do quite nicely, especially given results of this matchday: WBA tonked Sunderland; Hull lost again. Blackburn, Portsmouth and Fucking Geordie Scum…the latter two in action together tomorrow that could see Paul Hart steer Pompey to safe harbour.

Personnel improves for Boro tomorrow, and while it certainly solidifies depth, is it necessarily the best headache to have at this stage? The recent performances v Hull and Fulham saw cohesion in the midfield between Tuncay and Matthew Bates…Didier Digard will be back in the side prematurely after rehabbing from his injury against Wigan; Gary O’Neil returns from suspension. We need the same attacking nous that’s been on display…Tuncay’s indefatigability is integral…Jeremie Aliadiere plays well against his former club…King and Alves are forming a decent partnership. It has to be the same XI.

The picture will be more acute post match – prospects and destinies will sharpen – do we need our Prozac glasses?