Coventry
League position: 17th – 45 pts
Form: 19th
Remaining fixtures: Derby (a), Portsmouth(a), Millwall, Scunthorpe, Boro (a), Reading, Norwich

Saturday’s clash with fellow strugglers Derby can provide a tremendous boost for either, should anyone care to win it…Digger also outlined another bleak scenario for the Sky Blues earlier this week: essentially they’re fucked if relegation happens and they could very well do a Plymouth

Boro
League position: 18th – 45 pts
Form: 11th
Remaining fixtures: Sheff Utd (a), Ipswich (a), Barnsley, Burnley (a), Hull (a), Coventry, Cardiff (a), Doncaster

The roadmap to safety was done and dusted weeks ago…where have you been?

Derby
League position: 19th – 44 pts
Form: 22nd
Remaining fixtures: Coventry, Leeds, QPR (a), Burnley, Norwich (a), Bristol City, Reading (a)

If the gap between the Rams and the bottom three was just a bit smaller you would nominate this lot as serious candidates for the drop…five of the last seven are against high-flyers, and Bristol City is top of the form table

Doncaster
League position: 20th – 44 pts
Form: 20th
Remaining fixtures: Cardiff, Preston, Hull (a), Crystal Palace, Barnsley (a), Leicester, Boro (a)

Sean O’Driscoll’s men largely control their own destiny: beat back fellow strugglers Preston and Crystal Palace and safety should be attainable…the crippling injury troubles and woeful recent form still put the gaffer in better stead as opposed to the miserable situation he averted by declining the head gig at Bramall Lane

Crystal Palace
League position: 21st – 42 pts
Form: 13th
Remaining fixtures: Ipswich (a), Leicester (a), Scunthorpe, Doncaster (a), Leeds, Hull (a), Nottingham Forest

As much as we’d like to credit Lennie Lawrence for the predicted successful escape act we cannot…Palace have gained a cohesion and discipline under Dougie Freedman that was sorely absent under the previous regime…form has stabilised and the Eagles have garnered a reputation as a rather difficult proposition to break down

Sheff Utd
League position: 22nd – 35 pts
Form: 17th
Remaining fixtures: Boro, Cardiff, Preston (a), Bristol City, Reading (a), Barnsley, Swansea (a)

The recent wins against Forest and Leeds will prove to be a false dawn: this lot are going down, and as long as the Ginger Mourinho keeps the other city club up we’re heading towards some eye-popping League One attendance numbers for the next installments of the Sheffield derby

Preston
League position: 23rd – 34 pts
Form: 7th
Remaining fixtures: Portsmouth (a), Doncaster (a), Sheff Utd, Millwall (a), Cardiff, Ipswich (a), Watford

What an achievement it would be if Phil Brown can pull it off…by our rudimentary reckoning PNE need 5 wins, and a couple of them will have to come in a decidedly underdog role…we’ll be watching and hoping…if it doesn’t hopefully there will be a kind, genial gent there to talk us off the bridge

Scunthorpe
League position: 24th – 34 pts
Form: 23rd
Remaining fixtures: QPR, Reading, Crystal Palace (a), Coventry (a), Millwall, Nottingham Forest (a), Portsmouth

Alan Knill will get his shot at League One, albeit through an unconventional route…he should have the last three matches to get a head start on the return to the third tier…no need to cry though, cos Scunny know the way out of that division rather well

Anti-climactic as it may appear, the bottom three will be as follows:

22. Preston

23. Scunthorpe

24. Sheff Utd

Coming up we’ll take a gander at who is, erm, coming up…from down below in League One. Stay tuned…

Top Man: fairly self-explanatory; it’s the best player

Star Shaped: implies someone who’s not necessarily the first player you would think about when recalling a particular club, but has important attributes – a star in their play, not profile or name

Best Days: most favourable, and probable, outcome when the season ends

QPR

Top Man: Adel Taarabt – the best player in the division, hands down

Star Shaped: Paddy Kenny

Best Days: champions elect, averaging over 2 points per contest…also on pace for a staggering goal difference redolent of Newcastle and their romp through last season

Cardiff

Top Man: Craig Bellamy

Star Shaped: Seyi Olofinjana – he’s a hulking midfield mastodon…what’s not to like?

Best Days: barring a late season bottle job, they should be promoted as runners-up…playoffs have been an unkind route in years past, so the focus will be on automatic promotion

Norwich

Top Man: Grant Holt

Star Shaped: Leon Barnett – expected to be tied up in a permanent deal from West Brom after a bright loan spell…a real solidifier of the defence

Best Days: injuries mount, testing the resolve of a young, well-drilled side…they’ll be overtaken by a few of the more experienced sides and just miss out on the playoffs

Swansea

Top Man: Scott Sinclair – the itinerant striker is settling nicely with 12 goals in all competitions

Star Shaped: Ashley Williams – Welsh defender with designs on captaining his country and leading a national resurgence under Gary Speed

Best Days: playoff hunters…need to keep scoring goals

Leeds

Top Man: Max Gradel – admittedly his form peaked around late November, and he completely bewilders his coaches and fans alike…a valuable asset if the club were so inclined to cash in now

Star Shaped: Jonathan Howson

Best Days: overachieving so far, thei amazing fire power makes them a favourite on any day, but a porous defence may be their undoing…staying top 10 would still be a major achievement

Watford

Top Man: Danny Graham – enough to make Boro fans wistfully sigh and rue the shortsightedness that allowed this gem to naff off

Star Shaped: Martin Taylor

Best Days: undaunted by opposition or venue…developing into a thrilling, technically gifted side capable of staying in the playoff conversation

Nottingham Forest

Top Man: Lewis McGugan – Forest fans have found a new love after Raddy Majewski…

Star Shaped: Chris Cohen

Best Days: one of the more experienced sides that’s expected to mount a serious run upwards to usurp one of the Leeds/Norwich upstarts…they’ll win the playoff and go up

Reading

Top Man: Jimmy Kebe – bags of pace, capable of a wonder goal at any moment

Star Shaped: Adam Federici

Best Days: too much talent to not seriously contend for a top six spot…can they engineer another sterling run like last year?

Millwall

Top Man: Steve Morison – the big Welsh lad hasn’t had to adjust much to the new division, the new division has had to adjust to him…a menacing goal predator

Star Shaped: David Forde

Best Days: exhilarating start to the campaign has tempered a touch…will still be a tough out for most as they settle in the top half

Burnley

Top Man: Clark Carlisle – dude is smart, and a pretty tidy defender

Star Shaped: Wade Elliott

Best Days: just sacked Brian Laws, and money is a object in these parts, so the new gaffer will have to be more resourceful to keep the Clarets from slipping back to obscurity

Coventry

Top Man: Kieran Westwood – a regular member of the January transfer carousel…Prem clubs are sniffing around

Star Shaped: Aron Gunnarsson

Best Days: their bland route one football bores the pants off most…without some flair and consistency they’ll slide down to a mid-table finish

Leicester

Top Man: Andy King – yeah, it should be a sexier name, but Sven hasn’t been there all that long…eyes are still being cast in more lusty directions while King continues to produce
Star Shaped: Jack Hobbs
Best Days: Sven will always be on the hunt for an exciting hire, be it striker, midfielder, sultry secretary…consistent performances and results will be the only thing to propel them towards the playoffs

Derby

Top Man: Kris Commons

Star Shaped: Robbie Savage – sure, he’s a fucking twat on the pitch…off it his Twitter banter is legendarily funny and fairly insightful

Best Days: fashionable pick for a playoff spot that they should get…this side play breathtaking stuff at times…clean up the mental lapses that saw them let QPR off the hook and commit to full shifts unlike the Forest battering

Doncaster

Top Man: Billy Sharp
Star Shaped: Neil Sullivan – still pushing on, thanks to an early career crash course courtesy of the proper Crazy Gang…unflappable at times, and a terrific steward for a young Doncaster side
Best Days: repeating their high finish from last year isn’t out of the question…Sean O’Driscoll continues to reject the advances of more prestigious clubs to see this thing out

Hull

Top Man: Robert Koren – captain of his country, skillful on the ball, a really complete midfielder
Star Shaped: Andy Dawson
Best Days: new local owners, new funding sources…Matty Fryatt from Leicester and Aaron Mclean of Posh have already been drafted in to give a fresh cutting edge…Big Nige will not steer them back up at the first asking

Barnsley

Top Man: Adam Hammill
Star Shaped: Stephen Foster…making a great name for himself at Oakwell after all those years with Crewe…scored some important goals during the cup tun a few years back, and generally anchors the defence with assuredness
Best Days: if they resist cashing in on Hammill they can stay in a safe position…without the talented whippet expect them to get sucked into relegation talk as May approaches

Bristol City

Top Man: Albert Adomah – a proper tricky winger, playing where Tricky comes from, imagine that?
Star Shaped: Jon Stead – wasn’t a Keano lad and got shipped west for it…a good player who gets involved and asserts himself
Best Days: chairman Steve Landsdown has said staying up is the top priority…consider it job done at the end…just

Portsmouth

Top Man: Liam Lawrence – why we never got in seriously for him we’ll never know…he could have been had for a lousy Gary O’Neil…deadly from set pieces, a real talent
Star Shaped: Michael Brown
Best Days: Steve Cotterill has arrested the expected slide down the divisions on a threadbare squad w/ virtually zero resources…there is plenty on hand to ensure a top 12 finish

Ipswich

Top Man: Grant Leadbitter
Star Shaped: Carlos Edwards
Best Days: loans are expiring, transfer activity is cautious, and Roy’s been relived of his duties…pity he won’t get to stalk the touchline against the big dicks in the nearing cup ties with Chelsea and Arsenal

Middlesbrough

Top Man: Jason Steele – many will argue that starlet Steele is more of a detriment, especially lately…they forget how this academy grad singlehandedly prevented several maulings earlier in the season when we could have shipped anywhere from 5-8 goals
Star Shaped: Julio Arca
Best Days: Boro’s expected battle is taking place at the wrong end of the table…Tony Mowbray insists staying up is the chief concern…(says whilst drunk on foam) a fruitful run can suck Boro upwards to within touching distance of sixth

Sheffield Utd

Top Man: Steve Simonsen – this is a lazy default, no offense to the son a Danish seaman from South Shields
Star Shaped: Nyron Noseworthy
Best Days: lifelong Blades fan Micky Adams arrives from Port Vale to become the third gaffer this season…his threefold plan for long-term stability will be superseded by an immediate dogfight for survival

Crystal Palace

Top Man: Nathaniel Clyne
Star Shaped: Neil Danns – we’ve said for 18 months that Boro could do with a player like this – mature, direct, with pace and good football intellect
Best Days: they’ve some good players, and have navigated the administration bother that shanghaied their last campaign…Burley just got sacrificed, which may wind up helping them given the atrocious nature of his brief reign
Scunthorpe

Top Man: Jonathan Forte
Star Shaped: Josh Wright – young peripatetic whelp is a stalwart in the Iron midfield
Best Days: with no goals from Gary Hooper, or wizardry from Nigel Adkins, a return to League One looks inevitable

Preston

Top Man: this was supposed to be Jon Parkin, then he got sold to Cardiff…then the Man Utd and Stoke loanees were recalled…and Sean St Ledger is really just shit…has to be be new gaffer Phillip ‘Phil’ Brown
Star Shaped: Billy Jones
Best Days: very grim – Little Ferg sacked after Boro loss, gilded loan pipeline shut off by SAF cos of it, and they play terrible football…

Picks with proper sloppy commentary and ill hypotheses return in force!

Saturday

3.00p

Barnsley v Leicester – Oakwell

Sven looks to continue his resuscitation-with-just-a-bit-of-open-mouth-kissing on Leicester’s flat-lining campaign – a win here would hop the hosts and land conveniently in the crotch of mid table…Adam Hammill is setting hearts aflutter far and wide with his mature, commanding performances…Barnsley 1-1 Leicester

Bristol City v Preston – Ashton Gate

Chairman Steve Landsdown recently announced operating losses in the region of £11m – pack your gear there Jamo and get in that shop window with Marvin Elliott and stay there til the punters arrive! The Lillywhites may be flush in their own dosh if the palaver about Sean St. Ledger is true: Liverpool and Villa are set to joust over the right to abduct the wannabe attacking midfielder defender who irreparably shot David Wheater’s confidence…Bristol City 2-1 Preston

Coventry v Leeds United – Ricoh Arena

Like the crabs you’d get after sleeping with a bird from Coventry, Coventry just will not abate, residing loftily in fourth place – Leeds have lost four of six, shipping 15 goals in that span…reap what ye sow dirty beggars!! Coventry 3-2 Leeds

Doncaster v Millwall – Keepmoat Stadium

Somewhere in a parallel universe there’s an underachieving and disinterested Donny blogger unleashing a Sexual Healy blog post – the Northern Ireland goal hawk has just perched up outside of Sean O’Driscoll’s office to replace the talismanic Billy Sharp on a one month loan from Sunderland…Doncaster 2-2 Millwall

Hull v Scunthorpe – KC Stadium

Talks of a takeover from local businessmen Assem and Ehab Allam have silenced, shrouding the home side in more uncertainty, as if the stuttering start under Nigel Pearson wasn’t enough…Scunthorpe tick along like a classic functioning alcoholic: dependable, regular, and prone to the occasional bout of spasticity…Hull 1-1 Scunthorpe

Middlesbrough v Crystal Palace – Riverside Stadium

Mogga reunites on the touchline with mentor/nemesis George Burley – at least the Boro boss can claim innocence: shit was already fucked up when he arrived, where as his former gaffer is fairly culpable for shackling Palace to the foot of the table…Boro 2-1 Crystal Palace

Norwich v Burnley – Carrow Road

Clarification please on the new football administration accreditation available through the Clarets, with lectures taking place in the stands of Turf Moor: do we end up like Pompey or Palace, or just learn the best way to get clubs into those hopeless positions? Norwich 1-2 Burnley

QPR v Reading – Loftus Road

Rangers have finally been knocked from the top of the heap, but this still constitutes a salivating top six encounter…it seems like only 8 matches or so ago that Reading were the fodder for reigniting the Boro promotion push – now they’ve rocketed into the playoff positions…fucking cunts…QPR 3-1 Reading

Sheff Utd v Ipswich – Bramall Lane

Chris Morgan, the man who gift-wrapped Boro’s win over the Blades earlier this season, is out for the rest of the season – who will Gary Speed get to fill the filthy dirty cunt vacancy? Keano spat another soundbite gem recently; speaking of the dynamism of the loan market the madman proclaimed: sometimes you talk to a bird all night and don’t get her in the taxi…very prophetic…Sheff Utd 0-1 Ipswich

Watford v Nottingham Forest – Vicarage Road

Thank fucking Christ smogonthetyne now in nunthorpe exorcised his City Ground demons…daft metonymy equating The Trees to Forest completely obliterates our credibility…Watford 4-2 Nottingham Forest

5.20p

Derby v Portsmouth – Pride Park

@robbiesavage8 is a good follow on Twitter…that is if you have a soul-crushing job and clutch the Blackberry to escape the banality of a firewalled, corporate-master sanctioned internet…and for the 1871^st time we bellow: why the fuck did we not move for Liam Lawrence when he was available? Derby 2-1 Portsmouth

Sunday

1.10p

Cardiff v Swansea – Cardiff City Stadium

Our personal favourite derogatory chant involving this lot? Hey, Swansea, leave our sheep alone! (to the tune of Another Brick In The Wall) – hopefully the stewards can collect the change that will pelt linos, the ref, players, rozzers, whoever, to a Coinstar, or the Welsh equivalent…Cardiff 2-1 Swansea

Leicester City traded dead cool Mediterranean sexy for a proven, if not slightly whorish, global lothario. Lisbon, Rome, Genoa, Mexico City, and now Leicester – lock up your daughters, lock up your wives, for sex god Sven Goran Eriksson has docked, looking for tasteful accommodation, cos he doesn’t like commitment in any form. The aim? Promotion, but of course. Kyle Naughton is the first of what looks to be several additions to a retooled side – Jason Roberts is being eyed up seductively, and rather flagrantly, to fetch the goals needed to string some results together and climb out of the league basement…

Derby esta jugando bien! A spot of Spanish tyro Alberto Bueno – on loan from Real Valladolid and personally recommended to Nigel Clough by Vicente del Bosque – has imbued Pride Park with the kind of rapture a recent American divorcee might find in Tuscany. Robbie Savage maintains his dual role as prime villain and cocksure midfield maestro; many Boro fans lamented our dearth of someone of that ilk from our squad during the recent 3-1 dismantling. Throw in an assiduous, omnipresent attacking midfielder like Kris Commons, and starving artist Stephen Bywater – for cultural enhancement only – and you’ve a squad exceeding pre-season expectations of lower-table middling. This here’s a pretty decent side now…

Top Two

No movement – QPR and Cardiff remain imperious…and frankly we’re fucking sick of talking them up…

Playoff Occupiers

Norwich lead the charge of the recently promoted, primarily due to their competent defending that’s avoided the occasional tonkings meted out to fellow new fish Leeds and Millwall – John Ruddy has emerged as a confident surrogate for former taboo lust target Fraser Forster – presiding over the attack are the trident of Wes Hoolahan, Grant Holt, and Chris Martin, affording Paul Lambert an embarrassment of artillery

Care to have a guess at the two teams averaging over 2 goals a contest? Yes, fucking QPR is one…who’s the other? Here’s a clue: they employ four former Boro lads, and we could do with two of them at the moment: an in-form, skilled striker + Prem tested left back…Watford! Marvin Sordell is rewarding Malky Mackay’s faith by banging in regular goals – Adrian Mariappa and Martin Taylor highlight an effective back four keeping out just enough goals to prolong this current meteoric rise

A comment on Paul Fletcher’s ponderous Boro blog splendidly compares the growing pains of Ipswich to our own malaise – Roy Keane has advanced past the Ireland/Sunderland fixation to blood some damn fine youngsters, proof that patience does pay off eventually as Town fly high…Burnley produced some heart-stopping moments in the last few weeks: an insane late comeback to top Preston 4-3, prompting a fresh hot funk from Little Ferg, followed directly by a Tallinn takedown at the Riverside that saw well-earned points evaporated

The Real Meaty Bit Of The Table

Reading, Swansea, and The Trees hold steady in the upper half…Billy Davies is keeping his head down and getting on with the job of keeping his lot in the thick of it – 9 unbeaten since the opening day defeat to Burnley…Leeds/Preston surely gets the nod for match of the month: a 4-1 halftime lead squandered to a previously flaccid Preston side who erupted for five unanswered goals to stupefy the Elland Road faithful and win 6-4…Boro are afflicted with a wisecracking wee gaffer enthusiastically walking the plank on his own accord…drugs, drink, and smoking indeed…the dias-Boro has the highest chemical dependency rate of them all! Portsmouth remained fucked – the Football League wants assurances over four lingering issues before ratifying a proposal to emerge from administration…remarkably the insolvency issues are being overshadowed by some brave displays in what were always going to be hectic circumstances

Bottom Three

Leicester have invoked their experienced saviour…the dosh from the Thais is there, and it’s real according to Sven…set the controls for the heart of the Prem…Crystal Palace languish too, with prospects less fulgent than the Foxes…positive result against Pompey aside, the Eagles have spent the last six weeks flitting between drab 0-0 draws and hapless multi-goal thrashings…Bristol City aren’t really remembering the times when Keith Millen held their hair whilst really sick from too much blue curacao in the drunken lemonades…he’s got but a few matches to string some results together and get off the floor

This pre-season ‘feature’ lacks the scope and resources of last time round, but rest assured we thought long and hard about it; questions, quips, and commentary on each Championship club – part one, Barnsley through Leicester:

Barnsley – an unlikely pipeline from South America terminates at Oakwell – the attack-minded Argentinian winger Hugo Colace rejected sexy advances from London to agree a new contract…following him back to off-season training are fellow countryman Jeronimo Morales Neumann, a diminutive striker lured from Estudiantes, along w/ the loan of Diego Arismendi, the Uruguayan international, surplus to immediate Stoke requirements…Mark Robins gets the backing to mould a new side hopeful on cementing a mid-table berth…

Bristol City – Steve Coppell assumes control after a tremendous end to last season under Keith Millen that saw them edge Boro and finish in the top 10…the David James signing represents the biggest shock signing of the off-season – obviously he couldn’t get a tele-working gig elsewhere, making Ashton Gate an attractive alternative for the Devon denizen…also, can Nicky Maynard bag 20 more goals?

Burnley – the only relegated club w/ a decent shout of going straight back up…financial solvency allows for squad continuity, aided by key additions Ross Wallace from Preston and Lee Grant formerly of Sheffield Wednesday…their summer courtship of Hearts winger – and possible Boro target – Andrew Driver wasn’t passionate enough

Cardiff - somehow they continue to receive preferential treatment from HRMC – the winding up order served back in early May was binned after evidence of promised fresh investment from a Malaysian consortium headed by Dato Chan Tien Ghee…it still hasn’t materialised as the club suffer through a stagnant summer, highlighted by the usual frustrations at lack of funds for squad strengthening, as elucidated recently by Michael Chopra…does Dave Jones stick around for another season to patch a fractured and vulnerable side?

Coventry – installed a permanent manager in Aidy Boothroyd…sold Clinton Morrison to Sheffield Wednesday…after recent instability, can the former Watford and Colchester boss instill and inspire a return to modest prosperity?

Crystal Palace – keeping Darren Ambrose whilst successfully navigating administration bother is arguably the coup of the summer…the talismanic winger was atop most Boro wishlists, along w/ other clubs like Celtic and QPR – George Burley was able to woo his former Ipswich player enough to lead a battle for playoff contention…it was expected they’d continue to sell off their best assets, but so far Nathaniel Clyne seems to be the only one assured of a funds-generating move…Julian Speroni stays for now after main admirer Neil Warnock plumped for Paddy Kenny instead

Derby – Nigel Clough did enough this off-season to endanger the squad and potentially invalidate player contracts w/ high-flying cliff diving…passively linked w/ new Celtic striker Gary Hooper during his summer promenade, though one sensed they were never a viable destination…Gary Lineker wannabe Robbie Savage is back to irritate and aggravate for another campaign

Doncaster – a repeat of last year’s success will do just nicely for Sean O’Driscoll’s forward thinking squad…some call it Arsenal-esque, but it has more of the graft and steel required at this level, which makes it something different actually -  call it flowing football with sufficient bite…Billy Sharp has been secured on a permanent basis from Sheffield United – his goals last season kept Rovers relevant, and a fashionable dark horse playoff pick up until a sour patch near the end of the term

Hull  – Nigel Pearson’s appointment was arguably the shock of the summer, trading a perceived glass ceiling at Leicester for the aspirations of rallying and reshaping a tattered, demoted side…Adam Pearson  – no relation that we know of – sure could do with his grit and determination that was a hit w/ Boro fans back in the 90’s…Phil Brown got a bad rap in our book, but his feel-good story devolved into a sad yuckfest forever stamped by the public dressing down at Eastlands on Boxing Day in 2008…and the Jimmy Bullard wank is tireless distraction…

Ipswich – at the end of the day Roy Keane is a fantastic man, but quite possibly a shit gaffer…another stalled start to the season could see him an early favourite for first- manager-sacked honours…meal ticket Connor Wickham is scheduled to miss the first 6 weeks, making the crucial fast start an exceedingly tall task…we’ve them chalked up for an opening loss at the Riverside…

Leeds United – back in the second division of English football after an extended fling w/ League One, the dirty beggars…their ascension does create a spot of Yorkshire derby for Boro, geographically alone now that Newcastle have gone…Jermaine Beckford is off to Everton, but Luciano Becchio, Robert Snodgrass, and Patrick Kisnorbo represent a very good spine when combined with new keeper Kasper Schmeichel…surely a worthy playoff-contention candidate, if not contender for the top two…

Leicester  – the new figure on the on the sidelines may not be as cut and chiseled, but it’s definitely more handsome and fashionable – Paulo Sousa is in for the Foxes after Nigel Pearson’s defection to Humberside…the Portu-geezer inherits a squad capable of his favoured slick-on-the-ground-passing game, allied with an iron will surely still evident despite the change of regime…and no worries about errant French chips in massive penalty shoot-outs; Yann Kermogant has been ordered to fuck off to France to smoke and carouse at AC Arles Avignon…

Do come back for part two featuring inquisitive capsules highlighting Boro and the rest of the Championship field – and if you’re compelled to tell us we’re spouting rubbish, please feel free to comment…

Fucking Newcastle keep winning – their perpetual off-season turmoil may have actually helped galvanise the squad. The personnel embargo limited the movement of potential assets like Kevin Nolan, Steve Harper, Jonas Gutierrez, and Andy Carroll. Throw in the extra grit of Alan Smith, Joey Barton, Danny Guthrie, the wise permanent appointment of caretaker Chris Hughton, and it’s not exactly shocking that the Toon have organised effectively and made short work of their new league thus far. The Geordies have been largely injury-free – it needs to stay that way if they wish to continue their rapid ascent back to the top flight.

Peterborough are convinced Mark Cooper is their man to mount next seasons Championship promotion push. The managing prodigy leaves his post at Conference side Kettering Town to fill the vacancy caused by the divorce between silver-spooned Darren Ferguson and Darragh MacAnthony’s plaything, who for a rich bloke has a shit Wikipedia page… The real estate magnate’s puppets are convinced SAF junior has another gig lined up, in no way influenced by his familial connections, possibly to change the bigarade hue that has ensconced greater Hull for the past 3 years.

Paolo Sousa is devilishly handsome. And he backed Boro for promotion after receiving a 3-0 thrashing from the Teessiders in round 2. We naturally love him, if only because he adequately fills the Mourinho-shaped void in English football. The Jacks own the stingiest defence in the division, and are now unbeaten in 10 straight, elevating to 9^th in the table.

And hasn’t Ian Holloway heard that junk shop clothes will get you nowhere? He was convicted by the Blackpool kangaroo court for either not being punctual, or misplacing his kit, or both? He trudged off to the charity shop for a £12.99 suit to wear for the 4-1 thrashing of schizophrenic Scunthorpe. Speaking of misplacing, seems Robbie Savage has some explaining to do…why show up for an international flight w/ the passport of your missus? Is it a devious murder for hire subplot on the lurid level of Nip/Tuck, or just an honest cock-up expected of a gypsy oaf? He won’t get back on the        flight deck w/ that behaviour…

The league is on hiatus until next Friday – Swansea v Derby to kick off round 17 – we’ll return next week to summarise Boro/Forest, and the rest of the notable and entertaining…