Going up

Leicester: something tells us Sven has one huge – non-sexual – triumph left in him – we all know there’s loads more conquests of the most elusive prey in his future

Cardiff: the man tasked with arresting the annual late-season choke/slide has assembled the best strike tandem in the division: Robert Earnshaw and Kenny Miller could terrorise this league

Playoff contestants

Hull (promoted): Paul McKenna and Dele Adebola – a dual signing with Big Nige’s DNA all over it – McKenna is a warrior, and Adebola presents opposing defences with myriad problems

Blackpool: love the Barry Ferguson signing – not so crazy about losing DJ Campbell and Luke Varney – they should be in the frame just to unsettle the Premier League establishment, threatening to rile the avaricious suits with more brutal candour

Middlesbrough: a full season – with no gaffer drama – under Tony Mowbray is the Boro supporter’s idea of hope and wonderment – a lack of summer transfer activity suggests an onus to be placed on some of the touted kids like Park, Reach, Williams, Franks and others

West Ham: where are Ivan Campo and Stelios? old Bolton mates like Kevin Davies, Matt Taylor, Joey O’Brien and Abdoulaye Faye are waiting for your sign – let’s try, really try, to make it work again

Balls deep in the race

Reading: Matt Mills was flipped for a princely profit – Shane Long could be next – this is Jobi McAnuff’s team now

Portsmouth: stability, that’s what Steve Cotterill provides – and now he can buy players! Luke Varney and David Norris represent quality additions at this level

Leeds: the traffic at Elland Road has been one way: out – Simon Grayson needs reinforcements now with Davide Somma out for an extended period and Luciano Becchio recovering from a pre-season injury

Ipswich: there’s suspiciously optimistic expectations at Portman Road – yeah, Chopra and Stockdale are good signings, but it’s Paul Jewell…

On the faint periphery

Burnley: it might not be so rosy for Eddie Howe now – he’s been told to trim the wage bill of veterans and other valuable assets – Chris Eagles, Tyrone Mears, Graham Alexander, Clark Carlisle, they’re all gone – at least Jay Rodriguez remains to occupy the lonely spotlight

Brighton: marquee acquisition Craig Mackail-Smith needs to exceed his modest 10 goal tally last time round in this division – they should be likeable given the myth and beauty of the local area, but the sponsor for their brand new ground are mighty oppressors

Mid-table security

Crystal Palace: a fair few Palace supporters are hoping for a quiet, uneventful, mid-table finish – no administration, no managerial upheaval, just some spirited football

Birmingham: if anyone knows how to kerb relegation turmoil, it’s Chris Hughton – it remains to be seen how much the Hong Kong Phooey sideshow will affect operations

Derby: Nigel Clough slagged off his old players enough that his board got him 8 new ones – getting them to play together like they’ve known each other for years is an entirely different challenge

Nottingham Forest: how soon before a forlorn McClaren realises his title-winning FC Twente side were much better players than this largely-inherited lot?

Uncomfortable for a while

Bristol City: Keith Millen has some talent at his disposal in Nicky Maynard, Albert Adomah and Marvin Elliott – they could help produce a surprising finish…or finance a radical rennovation

Peterborough: Darren Ferguson will win the interview of the season award hands down…cos he’ll be the only nominee – 4 or 5 choice bites promulgating how much better his side were, and how the  scoreline was flattering to the victors

Southampton: looking forward to facing Rickie Lambert to be honest – and the Chamberlain kid, if his old man hasn’t forced a move by then

Cause for serious concern

Watford: congratulations Sean Dyche on your first head job – sorry about flogging our leading scorer from last year…and those creative midfielders – we still have Martin Taylor

Millwall: surely it was impossible to resist cashing in on Steve Morison – replacing his bags of goals will force a few reflective pauses in the Den

Coventry (relegated): still shocked that woman-beater Marlon King turned his back on the club that foolishly threw him a guaranteed lifeline back into football

Barnsley (relegated): Keith Hill looks like a good shout for first to be sacked – there’s nothing sexy or creative about them since Adam Hammill left

Doncaster (relegated): it was a fun ride while it lasted – Rovers will have exhausted their recent relegation elusiveness come April

Billy Davies couldn’t have been serious? A matter of time before you scored? Really? The dereliction of duty committed by Leroy Lita for not playing to the whistle was really the only accelerant for a super-charged move that resulted in the goal. Sure, Radoslaw Majewski clipped the bar w/ a delightful free kick…and Robert Earnshaw was certainly menacing at times, however we did enjoy long spells of the ball. Unfortunately we created fuck all w/ it. Nothing clear cut despite some late desperation salvos from Pogi/Stephen McManus/Leroy Lita – all finding either a crude clearance or the safety of Forest keeper Lee Camp.

 We took a visit to the local ‘exotic dance’ club for a slice of good fortune. All the good it got us was waking up surprisingly not hung over from the strawberry margaritas – the secret ingredient is extra tequila – for a virtual rendezvous w/ BBC Radio Tees…portable parmo aficionado Ali Brownlee and Gary Gill instead of she’s-a-struggling-student-and-a-good-kid Kayla from Riverside County…balls!

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus , Pogatetz; Flood, O’Neil, Robson, Arca; Aliadiere, McDonald

• Still no Killen, so why is Lee Miller – ineffectual as he may be – on the bench?
• GON toughing it out…Pogi too after a late fitness test
• Majestic Majewski forces Danny Coyne to full stretch! Superb free kick may have gotten a slight touch, but it clips the crossbar and out for goal kick
• Boro respond w/ prolonged pressure – Arca shoots artfully from 20 yards – corner – pinged around the box…plenty of good touches…Forest agitated for sure
• Aliadiere getting into good positions, but Gary Gill sums it up expertly: you never feel he’s going to score
• Boro seeking first win @ City Ground since 1999
• Steve Agnew – remarkably still employed – predicted to Ali earlier this week that the team will be rewarded for their hard work and dedication on set pieces in recent training
• Good reasons for Gordo to be pleased – organized, assertive, attacking – but he’s not…we edged the half and really deserved something – HT Forest 0-0 Boro
• Penetrative reporting from Mark Drury: the gaffer really lost his rag at the end of the half – the final free kick was shambolic in every aspect – Forest have reinforcement options if needed…subs are warming up at the beginning of the break
• 2^nd half – Forest unbeaten at home since 19 Sep 09 to Pool 0-1
• Tame first 15 minutes – Chris Gunter has the first real crack in the 61^st minute – not too troubling – goal kick
• GG: a good challenge or two is just as effective as a goal in getting the crowd energized
• Forest get their goal – Lita stopped playing, the home side broke free – Majewski squares it – Chris Cohen meets it to sweep into the net – Forest 1-0 Boro – 72 min
• Robust ovation for Robert Earnshaw – off for David McGoldrick
• Leroy Lita attempts to atone w/ a venomous shot from absolutely nowhere! Tipped out by Camp
• Crazy final 10 mins – flurry of activity from Boro…corner after corner…Pogi smashed a goalbound effort that was saved…Forest break…McKenna we think sprinting into the box and down…no pen!
• Real frenetic stuff – Forest deploy their ‘absolute beast’… Dele Adebola
• 4 mins added – most of it uneventful – final 45 secs sees Danny Coyne come forward for a shit corner from GON – the subsequent free kick too – Leroy again…rolls his marker…wicked shot…effing saved by Camp’s knees…it’s later speculated that had he gone down amidst the robust challenge from Wes Morgan he could have maybe earned a penalty…
• FT Forest 1-0 Boro – one switch off…no clear cut chances…a lack of professionalism…
• GG MOM – Wheats

QPR bring their sideshow north Saturday – Warnock has a mate who might have booked a room already…