New challenges force an abbreviated selection this time round. Think of it as a tasty instrumental, something from Man Of Aran perhaps, not the usual soaring echoes and supremely organised confusion primarily associated with The Decline Of British Sea Power…

Round 9 picks, with 65% less fat:

Burnley 2-0 Hull

Cardiff 3-1 Crystal Palace

Coventry 1-1 Doncaster

Derby 4-2 Middlesbrough

Leeds United 2-0 Preston

Norwich 0-0 Leicester

The Trees 1-0 Sheffield Utd

Portsmouth 3-0 Bristol City

Scunthorpe 4-1 Barnsley

Watford 3-2 Swansea

QPR 2-0 Millwall

Reading 0-2 Ipswich

It’s time you started embracing fiscal responsibility and cut your cloth accordingly – troll the mighty Football League for tables, stats, and ace blogs from former BBC scribes, like this geezer…

And get acquainted with the upcoming fixtures through handy and informative match capsules at our first football stop each and every day…

Our media centre was on happy overload after ditching the manual notes – the last entries will forever point to the hazy Easter Monday morning Plymouth tilt. We didn’t have the decency to say hello on the live blog, and the ill-effects still linger. The fighting form was stronger this time around – this is the slab of free-range corn fed beef we jabbed, hooked, and pounded on for nigh on two and a half hours:

Jones; Hoyte, Wheater, McManus, Naughton; Robson, Arca, Williams, Franks; Lita, McDonald

• Wednesday perfectly content to score a draw – need a win to dig out of relegation danger
• Robbo captain – GON still unavailable due to cash knack
• Wednesday look hungry
• LL on a mission – point to prove according to GG – still contesting the goal from Reading credited to Sean St Ledger too
• Jermaine Johnson tries a spectacular overhead kick on 10 mins – visitors look fit and up for it
• Arca needs to slide the ball to the full backs when they make the overlapping run – he shot instead
• 12 mins – 0-0 – uncomfortable so far
• Jonesey – loan to Wednesday a few years back was cancelled early – impetus to play well
• Mac occupying good positions so far – he goes close after clearing some space
• Wednesday – won 1 of last 8 – Boro unbeaten in 7…too many draws of course
• Not playing like a side third bottom – full of ‘freedom, belief and spirit’
• Jermaine Johnson bursts through 1 on 1 – Jones neutralizes – best chance so far?
• Arca goes close – Lita lurking too – Franksie whips in right footed – Arca: hit it first time of take a touch? It was that indecision which contributed to the lack of success
• 30 mins – 0-0
• MD – 31 mins: Gordo blabbing to Mac and Hoyte – ‘please give me the ball’ says Mac – Hoyte needs to link up better and surrender the ball – ‘they’re playing the game well, we’re just playing the game…’
• Referee: Jonathan Moss – 32 games – nowt a match w/ out a yellow card
• GOAL (40) – Mac off a deflection – Boro 1-0 Wednesday – slice of fortune from 30 + yards – ‘spawny goal’
• 2 mins added
• HT Boro 1-0 Wednesday
• GG at the break: fortunate goal – fully deserved though – Robbo started slow, still very commanding – Wednesday hard done so far – keep a clean sheet – get a 2^nd
• MD: Gordo to Franksie – keep your head up when attacking – Robbo on the precipice of a vocally-induced card – Killen getting warmed up during the break
• No changes to either side to start the 2^nd
• MD – 8 mins into 2^nd half – Robbo getting a few ear-bashings – he and Mick remain the on-the-pitch deputies to convey the gaffer’s instructions
• Missing GON? Would he be more disciplined in the centre of the midfield?
• Boro have won last 4 home matches v Wednesday – looking for the double after the 1-3 result @ Hillsborough in September
• Great long ball in from Robbo – Lita rushed forward but Grant clipped it just on the edge of the box
• Wednesday hit the cross bar from a corner! Luke Varney – near post – back header
• Rhys Williams volleys – forces a great save from Grant – precise control from the Aussie international
• 60 mins – YC Mick
• ‘I saw that goal you scored against Newport County’ Oh Ali!
• Franksie hasn’t had the opportunities – ball hasn’t been getting wide very frequently
• O’Connor off – Esajas on – great technique – hell of a shot – product of Ajax youth system
• Final 10 minutes
• Tudgay off – Jeffers on – the reason why Wenger doesn’t spend dosh on English players anymore
• Attendance 19932 (2442 S Yorkies)
• Tremendous work rate from Wheats – bouncing about w/ several headers to clear
• Lita gets a terrific ball from Mac – Grant spreads to deny – thumb up from LL – 86 mins
• No subs – first time in Gordo reign?
• 4 mins added
• GG MOM – Wheats
• FT Boro 1-0 Wednesday
• 6 clean sheets in 11 home matches – only 6 conceded
• Very professional finish to the match – killed the match off properly – Gordo should be proud of the intelligence displayed
• MD w/ Wheats post-match: we’re still in there w/ the win – winning ugly – team got the hairdryer at the half – ‘sometimes when things are going right you don’t need the subs’
• Robbo and Mick putting MD to the sword over MOM awards – it’s Gilly!
• Gordo: always nice to win when you put the work into it – graft and determination got that result – Robbo and Rhys in the MF have been special – full backs were brilliant – does Robbo embody the characteristics you desire in a captain? ‘Yes, yes, yes’ – the ability to pass the ball is the be-all-end-all in football really
• We’re developing a really good spine – two centre-halves – Robbo/Rhys in MF – Mac up front – still need the keeper
• Mac – 3 goals – he’ll score goals and murder this league

Saturday heralded another despondent performance in an ever-diminishing string of must-win matches absolutely required to stay in this current playoff hunt. Defeat at Cardiff expanded the gap between Boro and 6^th place by 5 points – and the Bluebirds still have two games in hand. Some openly dream of more HMRC bother for the Welsh club that would tragically result in a points deduction. Others sit expectantly for their ‘annual playoff bottle job’. Whatever happens to Dave Jones and his players they will remain a constant reminder of our own failures and deficiencies.

For reasons unknown to us – and the players themselves per David Wheater in his post-match interview – Boro failed to turn on at the outset and seize upon their vulnerable hosts. Chairman and manager at loggerheads. Haven’t won in 3 matches. Missing SIX first team regulars. Without a financial pot to piss in. We were the quick tonic as Jay Bothroyd exploited a dazed defence to tap in the only goal 3 minutes from the opening whistle. The uphill slog was too great. The frenzied approach adopted in the second half proved entertaining and promising, but ultimately unfulfilling. All the hard work and endeavour punished by a disallowed goal – David Wheater’s leveler in the 60^th minute negated for an incredulous hand ball on Leroy Lita. The supposition from the linesman who commanded the call being LL knocked it on w/ his hand before Wheats rose to deposit in the net. No ebullient remonstrating after the match though from Gordo – his busy paw should have never been up to begin with…

We tapped into the state-of-the-art media installations at the new Cardiff City Stadium and followed the live blog w/ AV – aural fixation quenched w/ a vociferous dose of an Ali GG Snakebite. We took notes whilst thinking what Betsan Powys was up to:

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus, Taylor; Flood, O’Neil, Robson, Arca; Aliadiere, Lita

• Nothing inspiring about the starting XI – no Mac or Killen – the size of Lee Miller wasted again on the bench
• Cardiff ease their tumult in early fashion – some woeful Boro defending allows Gabor Gyepes to nod on a lofted cross from Darcy Blake on the left – Jay Bothroyd is at the far post to tap in – Cardiff 1-0 Boro – 3 minutes
• Early haze fuelled by the opener – Boro produce nothing attacking for the first 17 minutes or so – ‘haven’t done enough’ says the expert summariser Gary Gill
• Andrew Taylor back in the side – his alert header in a recovery role on 35 minutes does just enough to stifle another home side attack punctuated by a lurking Chris Burke
• We have been total shit – paraphrasing of course…
• Leroy Lita is actually finding himself in interesting positions, but this sortie ends immediately upon conceding possession far too easily deep in the Bluebirds box
• Chris Killen made it back from the Rose Bowl! He joins the action on 40 minutes as Jeremie Aliadiere makes way…his injury should be historically viewed as irrelevant to the change as he too is complete cack
• Penalty karma still on the side of the Boro late on in the first half – Chris Burke terrorises again, brought down flagrantly by GON – a certain pen…of course he sees a yellow card for simulation…what anti-Teesside bias?
• HT – Cardiff 1-0 Boro
• Mark Drury’s report includes ‘anemic display’…’lacking vitality’…get those men some vitamin boost and/or some of those instant hard-on pills
• The JA injury – later revealed as a broken toe – was appropriated by none other than Stephen McManus
• GG – tell the players again that there is an awful lot at stake today…roll up your sleeves and have a go…show us it means something to you…a loss today signals the end of realistic playoff ambitions
• Last Boro win in Cardiff? 1970 – a 4-3 result…this is the first visit to the new Cardiff City Stadium
• Boro start the half brightly – Tayls provides a decent ball into the box for LL, but alas he only scores w/ the little head between his legs – this effort from 7 yards is criminally off target
• Our Iron Man Willo pulls up lame – some left knee knack for the Irishman – he eventually comes off to end  string of 10 straight matches playing the full 90 – Rhys Williams replaces him for his first action since Boxing Day – 52 minutes
• Boro get their leveler!! David Wheater heads home after a Barry Robson free kick…until the linesman spots an incredulous hand ball offense on LL and waves it off…ludicrous
• More from GG re: the disallowed goal – this ridiculous linesman spots a hand ball from 35 yards away, in a crowd of players? The referee has to be in a better position
• Yellow card madness ensued – Robbo picked up one with – after much back and forth and questionable confirmation – Leroy Lita
• The little striker links again w/ Tayls – LL fed deep, rolling Anthony Gerrard and compelling a reflex save from David Marshall
• Robbo robbed – GON crosses nicely and it’s a crisp strike – important save from Marshall
• Killen next! A looping header the end result of a ball from the right delivered by Kyle Naughton – tipped away
• More Marshall heroics: GON has a go from a free kick 40 yards out – it dips and swerves towards the open net until the last moment – what a half from a man jettisoned to Norwich when Gordo gaffered up north
• FT – Cardiff 1-0 Boro
• GG MOM – Barry Robson
• It was a ‘lunatic linesman’ robbing us of a point, at least – so many chances in that second half – Cardiff were rocking and there for the taking
• Mark Drury w/ Wheats post match: we don’t know why we can’t string 2 good halves together – attitude toward the playoffs is still positive…it has to be
• Final thoughts from GG: we are competing at this level, just not scoring the goals to back it up – Scott McDonald will get those goals – is there enough time for him to make an impact

7000 tits from Newcastle shall be on display Saturday in what could be the last Tees-Tyne derby for some time…