To The End – How Boro Stay Up Through The Final 10 Matches

BA — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 04:09:58 +0000

We should even be having this conversation. This was supposed to be the discussion about when we’d secure that automatic promotion we were so heavily favoured for. Things change. Atavistic, coarse ginger managers always run the risk of spoiling horribly and retreating to the charming confines of television studios. And while they get served tea and have access to opulent catered services we scheme, devise, and conspire solutions to simply stay up. Get Mogga to the summer, then let him work – that’s a common refrain. Sadly the new gaffer will have to complete his summer remodel with a fraction of the budget his predecessor did.

Fifty points is generally the target for survival in this division, though some posit that the woeful form of Preston and Sheffield United actually lowers that number this time round – a number as low as 45 may do the trick. However close that target appears now, Boro still need results to cement their escape from once-calamitous circumstances. Here’s our casual analysis of the final 10 league matches – a forecast of where we get the points, and a genera estimation of where it leaves us after the final whistle on 07 May 11…

Boro v Watford

Reverse fixture: Watford 3-0 Boro

League position:8th

Form: 6th

This lot have beat us in three straight. We even lost to them during their brief Prem appearance in 2006-07 when they still had Ashley Young for fuck’s sake! Clearly a recent bogey club – a draw would be a positive step

Boro v Leicester

Reverse fixture: Leicester 0-0 Boro

League position: 10th

Form: 13th

Sven and his band of big-wage mercenaries, augmented with a bit of the bargain hitman Andy King, have rescued the fortunes imperiled by the flaccid start under Paulo Sousa – something tells us Boro will experience an international break hangover on the way to a loss

Sheff Utd v Boro

Reverse fixture Boro 1-0 Sheff Utd

League position: 23rd

Form: 23th

From @mcwd last Saturday: Micky adams is practically resigning on bbc Sheffield now . Who could really blame him for a public suicide? One win since taking charge, leading his beloved Blades straight to the League One rendition of the Sheffield derby…if Megson keeps Wednesday up! We’ll draw, but it’ll feel much worse

Ipswich v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 1-3 Ipswich

League position: 16th

Form: 21st

Bomb investigators may refer to it as the point of impact or summat…our CSI-derived training and immersion fails us presently. What is most certainly was is the collection of moments where an entire support base realized they we’re being grifted by a domineering Glaswegian with an aversion to standard courtesy, backed by a blinded leader incapable of assuaging the masses. Tempted to go for a plucky win…it wouldn’t be the first time we’ve left someone’s ground with an unexpected full haul

Boro v Barnsley

Reverse fixture: Barnsley 2-0 Boro

League position: 15th

Form: 19th

Some qualify the earlier loss at Oakwell as late lapse that saw us miss out on precious points – at 1-0 down we were far superior and pushing for an equaliser when they hit us with a late haymaker…now that Adam Hammill is at Wolves a satisfying win should be easier to come by

Burnley v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 2-1 Burnley

League position: 7th

Form: 7th

It was Kink-tastic climaxes like the one at the Riverside which cemented the fate of Brian Laws – the Clarets were on an acute decline ever since Owen Coyle took that ‘lateral move’…Eddie Howe has come up from Bournemouth to craft a new brand of positive football…one that negatively results in a cruel loss

Hull v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 2-2 Hull

League position: 9th

Form: 9th

By the time this match happens Boro could be safe, unless Hull’s former resident fitness specialist Phil Brown cobbles together a hell of a run at Deepdale…they can’t play Scunthorpe 9 more times we won’t be, but the loss will feel less damaging

Boro v Coventry

Reverse fixture: Coventry 1-0 Boro

League position: 19th

Form: 22nd

Kick them while they’re down. Aidy Boothroyd is gone. Avenge the injustice suffered at the hands, and fists, of Marlon King at the Ricoh Arena…this will be a resounding win

Cardiff v Boro

Reverse fixture: Boro 1-0 Cardiff

League position: 4th

Form: 14th

With Hull, Watford, and Burnley bearing down we could get a first-hand account of another Cardiff late-season bottle job…how sweet would it taste to fuck up their plans for Wembley? An enterprising draw could help achieve that…

Boro v Doncaster

Reverse fixture: Doncaster 2-1 Boro

League position: 17th

Form: 15th

At this stage we’ll be on 53 points – provided the wild machinations listed above actually materialize…this could be a killshot…our flourishing season-ending win could confine Donny to League One

Yeah, we made it…56 points. Based on the last three final league tables that’s good for 14th or 15th…far from pre-season objectives. That final sensation you hear is the collective tearing of the final lot of betting slips, the ones that relied on daft suppositions. Like Kris Boyd scoring goals for fun. We were a deluded bunch, no?

Lightning Strikes (Not Once But Twice) – Robson Penalties Pace Boro

BA — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:27:32 +0000

For all the previous penalty injustices. Dodgy ones called against – Luke Young’s hand ball at Villa…with his back completely turned against the attacker. And the ones not awarded – Lee Dong-Gook at United in 2007 anyone? We win that match and United might not be enjoying their current clutch of 3 consecutive league trophies. Don’t forget the failed conversions on those actually awarded – Stewart Downing at Sunderland the most referenced example, mostly because it best illustrated a season long capitulation culminating in relegation – and revenue generating transfer to Villa for ginger tea w/ Martin O’Neill and Sundays at Wembley. Boro finally got the rub of the green on Saturday v QPR. A couple of quick-fire – admittedly questionable – penalty decisions and converted them w/ conviction courtesy of Barry Robson. ‘Pure Hicktonite’ they’re saying. None of the faffing about that marred recent opportunities. The 2-0 lead it afforded right before half time was unassailable. QPR pressed and pried right until the end, most likely to avert the ‘look of thunder’ countenance frequently projected from under fire caretaker boss Mick Harford. Jay Simpson and Adel Taarabt, the on loan duo from north London Premier League neighbours Arsenal and Spurs, both forced quality saves out of Danny Coyne to preserve another clean sheet. Unbeaten in six at home – 4 wins…something resembling a proper unbeaten run.

It was a good ole Clashing on the live blog. A return to fitness by the enigmatic Mosso Cloudfiles stimulated a celebration of some of the best, relevant bite-size prose culled from the catalogues of the only band that matters. Ali Brownlee and Gary Gill provided support from a remote control – here’s what our smuggled-in-our-budgie-smugglers recording device captured:

Coyne; Naughton, Wheater, McManus, Pogatetz; Flood, O’Neil, Robson, Aliadiere; Lita, Killen

No Scott McDonald – residual pain from the previous groin niggle he tried playing through – Lita/Killen up front
Congratulations Emanuel Pogatetz- recalled to Austrian national side…Boro will have 4 on international duty this week: Killen/Robson/Naughton join Pogi
Mark Drury captivated by the ‘dead-eyest’ look of consternation from Mick Harford
Kaspars Gorkss using a volleyball motion on the pitch – a sure hand ball that goes unpunished…the sheepish looks from the QPR bench confirms his complicity in the infraction
QPR very organized in the midfield w/ a bank of five – sound in their positions, influencing the match – Leigertwood especially
JA still not inspiring any confidence – continues to get chances…sweet eff all results…
Until now! Fouled by Peter Ramage in the box – questionable maybe, but who cares? Barry Robson wrests the ball the LL and powers the pen down the middle…Boro 1-0 QPR!! 39 mins
And again! Leroy is clotheslined by Kaspars Gorkss in the box deep into stoppage time – Robson again – YES!!!! Boro 2-0 QPR
HT – Boro 2-0 QPR…from Mark Drury – Mick Harford hoping to have a quite word w/ referee Andy Woolmer…phrases like ‘look of thunder’ and ‘glowering’ certainly sound menacing…
2^nd half – QPR revert to a 4-4-2…Simpson and Antonio German join together up front
Bright start to the half – Pogi joining the attack from the left flank and serving up a delightful ball that causes some bother in the Rangers box
Gordo imploring JA to take on his marker(s) – classic French insouciance as a reply…
‘Barry Robson…stand still!’ is the sanitised version of the command barked from the gaffer
Adel Taarabt joins the action and immediately tests Danny Coyne w/ a dipping, swerving effort from 25 yards – save
Marcus Bent almost further validates the dynamic of former players scoring against the Boro by sticking the ball in the back of the net – fortunately he’s offside
Carl Ikeme stands tall for his loan club – the Wolves keeper does well to repel both LL and GON late in the match to preserve the tame scoreline
GG MOM – Stephen McManus – Mick and Wheats are forming quite the defensive pairing
FT – Boro 2-0 QPR

We hold on, results go our way, and next week in Cardiff becomes absolutely massive…

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To The End – How Boro Stay Up Through The Final 10 Matches

Lightning Strikes (Not Once But Twice) – Robson Penalties Pace Boro